By Reggie Dinkins, Jr.
All furniture owners looking to sell couches need to be ready to answer this questionaire upon buyers request.
1. How many times per week, do you sit naked on the couch?
2. If yes, to #1, how many times unbathed was your naked tail?
3. How many whole-naked sexings has your couch endured?
4. If yes to #3, how many spunk marks?
5. If #4 is applicable, how were the spunk marks removed, leather need not apply.
6. Does the couch retain a smell? Please describe, good or bad, and exact reminence.
7. Has a prior owner or operator of the couch worn a jheri curl, leather less than 5 years old need not apply if treated with Armor-All.
This knowledge has been brought to you by the "Duttweiler Foundation" also in part by Jimmy's Funeral Service and Margarite and the Step-Mother's Band