Thursday, December 15, 2005

"Jaguars"
By Salvador Gabor




The Brothers of the GAMMA BAMMA BAMMA chapter of KA-RAH-TAY INNNNNNNNNNCORPORATED, would like to present their Annual Christmas special "Jaguars". "Jaguars" is a dance/musical about 4 young Karate specialists in the brisk and cold world of Chicago, Illinois in the early 70's. "Mad Terry" played by Braxton Covington (pictured in the lower center) discovers that he contracted herpes from "Shelley Summers" the sister of "Hunter Summers" (pictured standing in the center). "Mad Terry" then dedicates his life to teaching Karate to young Chi-Town teenagers in a hope to prevent sexual diseases from being passed. "Mad Terry" wanted to promote abstinence by teaching the martial arts. He felt like practicing Karate was the "true release" that young people needed. Lionel Dawkins (pictured on the left) and Reginald Montgomery (pictured on the right) make up the final pieces to the GAMMA BAMMA BAMMA chapter of KA-RAH-TAY and play the roles of "Lil Tyrone" and "Sweet Jesse" respectively.

"Jaguars" will be an opening act for "Madea Gets Crunk @ Club 112" in theatres and Church Dinings rooms across the East Coast. For more info please call Pegues Demarcos Taylor at (301) 455-3534.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

"A LETTER TO MY SON"
By Salvador Gabor


Hello Johnny Junior. This is your father. I hope this letter greets you in good spirits. I wanted to write you because I love you son. Your mother sent me your information and I thought I'd write you. Your mother told me you are a muslim now. Big momma didnt take that too well. She likes her chittlins so I guess you know how that goes. I know I hadn't talked to you in a while. I've had my share of demons too. That's why me and your mother had our differences. Too much cognac in my system and I did some bad things. I really didn't mean to sleep with your Aunt Reecie. That broad is 300 pounds. I know she your auntie and I aint gotta call her no broad but I was drunk! Im sorry. I told your mother that. She aint forgive me though. Well son I wanna be in your life. I can't wait till you come home and I see your face in person. AGAIN!

PS. I got this picture of me. Im right in front of my new woman's house. This was a pic I took before we went off to the 27th Annual "Minnesota Ave Club & Friends Cabaret". We had a good time that night. As soon as you get in town, look me up. I got some spots where I can get you up to date on the latest threads too.

LOVE,

"Big" Johnny Lane


Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Sal's Corner
"4-LETTER WORDS"


My momma always told me not to use them 4-letter words. Yall know what they are. This site is PG-24. Pretty good if you at least 24 years old. But we dont use them words on here. My mother also said that people should be examples for what they believe in. Don't teach and preach something that you aint living. But my mother told me not to use them bad 4-letter words though??? AND SHE was the main one using em. I mean, these words shouldn't be used by people with good vocabulary. At least that's what she told me. THEN she would turn around and use em. Im just so tired of living this lie. THESE are them nasty 4-letter words that she used to use.

MASH - You know you from the country when you say MASH. "Boy don't put yo' hand by that door.......mess around and MASH yo' hand". "SET that bread ontop of the other groceries 'fore you MASH that up". Never SMASH.......just MASH. MASH is what you do to garbage not your body parts.

JOOG - JOOG is only used in reference to the eyes. "Boy that ole play gun will JOOG yo' eye out". "Watch them scissors....them thangs will JOOG ya". I guess in the old times it was more regular to see people walking around with eye-patches cause they did stupid stuff.

TOOT - Toot has a few different meanings. Some folks in the deep south use TOOT as way of saying TOOTH or TEETH. "Reggie knocked ALL that boy TOOT out". Then you got some folks who use TOOT in reference to snorting cocaine. "Yep.......Mr. Jarvis youngest boy back on dem drugs........it's a shame that boy cant stop TOOTin his nose". Then some of them who use the word use it in a freaky way. "Girl stop playing and go on and TOOT that thang". So as we can see.....TOOT can go from the mouth to the nose to that tail. Anyway you say it...let's get rid of that word

WRSH - Now as you go deep into the south some folk lose vowels altogether. The word WRSH appears not to make sense but its actually WASH. It just sounds like WERSH. "GIT in ya and WRSH dem hands". I spoke on this once before.....how they sometimes feel the letter "R" needs to be placed in words. Who KNOWS

RANK - Now the conventional thinker would imagine that RANK would refer to sequence or order. Not in this case. RANK to many means "stank" or "funky". "PERNELLLLLLLLL............git in here and WRSH yo' RANK A$$!!!!!!!!". Now in this case, you usually gotta leave them shoes on the porch too. When moms yell at you like that....that is an automatic signal to take them shoes off. You know its some RANK tails in the house when you walk up to the porch and you see a pair of these on the front..........




MOMMAS, GRANDMOMMAS........yall need to stop all this cussin and using these 4-letter words.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Sal's Corner
"THE HYMNAL: THE LOST PAGES"


I've always heard singers and rappers talk about their youth and how they used to sing in the church choir. I began to take a deep look into songs of some famous artists and the correlation between their music that is currently being played in "secular" areas yet still having a "church" foundation. Today we will take a look at a few songs that HAVE to have had a church foundation

"SOLDIER" (Destiny's Child) - "I KNOW some Christians in herrrrrrrre ready to take care of meeeeeeeeeee". Dont that sound like a calling out to members from some crooked preacher? Reverend Ike esque? You know churches always use the soldier reference ANYWAY.

"DIARY" (Alicia Keys) - "Lay yourrrrr head on my pilloowwwwwww". Alicia's voice is so deep that it almost sounds like a priest throwing subtle sexual passes at a young altar boy. This song is very Catholic. The heavy piano and the soft voice reminds me of a confessional. "Call 441 6608 and i'll be herrrrrrrrre". That was the quickest call out of a phone number in history. I guess you gotta be quick when you doing wrong.......especially in a little box where you go to GET RIGHT. "Baby when you're in town why dont you come around BOYYYYYYYY". Then as the song goes on....the priest gets BAPTIST. Either that or he really is tired of that little boy not letting him get a "piece". "I WONNNNNNNNNNT TELLLLLLLLLL........YOU'RE SECCCCCCCCCREEEEEEEETS". Dont mess with a priest in "heat"

"ALWAYS ON TIME" (Ja Rule) - This is one of those songs that the preacher sings. Its always something special when the preacher sings a solo. This is on that level. This is a song that a young preacher in a "new school" type of church would sing. He dont wear a robe. He wears leather suits and he is accompanied by his lightskinned slim wife (Ashanti) when he sings the song. "He not always there when you call but he's always ON TIIIIIIME"

"BEST OF BOTH WORLDS" (R. Kelly & Jay-Z) - This is a song of epic proportion. It's like 2 Giant Pentacostal preachers coming together and going on a U.S. Tour. Sorta like Creflo Dollar and T.D. Jakes taking the road by storm. Tickets on sale for $47.99. I can hear T.D. on one knee on stage......."BEST OVVVVV BOFFFFFF WURRRRRRRLLLLS....AWWWW WOHHHHHHHHH". Creflo and T.D. in all white with white robes with detachable hoodies.......arms folded and a big cross hanging from the ceiling. Things would go well until T.D. accuses one of Creflo's deacons of masing him. And goes on to tell how some man in the crowd has a gun. After Rev. Billy Joe Daugherty got attacked in Tulsa at the altar...ANYTHING can happen

"ROSES" (OUTKAST) - That's a song that when the piano player begins to play.....people just stand up and start shouting. "THANK YA......THANK YA LAWD". Hands get to waiving. It's a song that could be sang acapella. Everybody just a tappin the wood floor with their hard-bottom shoes. Pattin' their feet and clappin' their hands. This is a SENIOR CHOIR song. It just has that feel. Plus after age 68, you have the right to curse, EVEN IN CHURCH, so the lyrics "I know you really thank.....yo' SH*T dont stank" is acceptable for our older crowd to harmonize.


BONUS
"HEY YA" (Outkast)
- Can't you just see the PLAID suit? This is what I call PRAISE & WORSHIP!!!!! This is the song that makes you put your hand on your hip and hop up and down and snap your neck. Some old lady is in the back reliving her days in the club. Then the drummer get to hittin them drums so good all you can do is PUMP your fist. Your hand is RED you holding it so tight!!!!!!! This could be a chinese church too. "HEYYYY YAAAAAAAAA". It's got to be a west coast church. The Asian-American choir sings on 5th Sunday out in the bay area. That singer.....oh he's black. "YOUUUU KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". "IM JUST BEING HONEST OH OHHHHHHHH". "CHRISTIANS.....NOW WHATS COOLER THAN BEING COOL.................(BAPTISM).........I DIDNT HEAR YOU........(BAPTISM)"


Its alright to PRAISE HIM





"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"