Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Sal's Corner

This is the latest edition of what we know as "People to watch out for". I often make it my best effort to keep yall abreast on who is out here causing danger to our society. Ive never steered you wrong. Have I? I was the one who told you to watch for women who wear Shawls/Ponchos. I was the one who say stay near those carrying lunch to work. Wasnt I? I mean for goodness sakes, follow me.

WOMEN SECURITY GUARDS: They a lil too aggressive. I think they are freaky. Especially the ones who work at jails. What makes you wanna be around that many men? That's why so many of em are having sex with the inmates. They just freaky like that. Even common security guards in buildings........they tend to give you that eye. That "I'll handcuff you and put macaroni & cheese on my stomach and make you eat it off" type of look.

OLD WOMEN WHO LEARN NEW "SLANG": If your grandmother walks up and says "What's Good" or she says "So who is Jeff and em BEEFIN wit again", she has crossed the line. This is the type of old person that will try to be cool yet call out the wrong girl's name when you bring a "guest" over the house.

LADIES ADDRESSED BY THEIR LAST NAME: "Come on here Houston! We gotta go down stairs and sell these pies" "Just Wait a minute Bynum, I gotta go lay hands on Sister Rueben's son Ezekiel". Sounds familiar? Watch women who are called by their last name. Its too much running in high heels and too much sweating when they arrive to church. A woman called by her last name is slightly too much masculinity expressed in one setting. It denotes that she sits with her legs uncrossed on the porch and she roots a lil too hard for her favorite basketball team.

WOMEN WHO SHOW CLEAVAGE - What's your aim? What are you tryna do? These are confused women. The type who are the first to say "Men never look me in the eye they always wanna look down my shirt". Someone give this woman a Rocket Science degree. But back to reality. WHAT is it that you want? The woman who wears this clothing yet gets mad is a women to stay clear of. She wants her cake, your cake, his cake and she wants to eat all 3. It cant happen. Are you tryna lure me in or are you really tryna see if I like your eyes like I said the first time I met you?

LADY LUNCH COMBOS - You ever seen a 22 year old at lunch with a 58 year old lady? What are they talkin' about? Is it a 22 year old conversation? Is it a 58 year old conversation? Or is it a 40 something year old combo? You never see a 22 year old man and a 58 year old man together. We dont have much to say to each other. So back to the women........what do they talk about? Men, Menopause or "how to press pause on the DVD" cause any woman over 58 is likely to have complications using the DVD player. Ive just never understood these combos. You must watch the 22 year old because she got too much "house gown" in her. She liable to act way older than her age. And the 58 year old might be walkin around talking about "Who beefin?" or "What's Good?".