Tuesday, September 27, 2005

"ANNOUNCEMENT OF MATRIMONY"
By Salvador Gabor




MAXINE & "BIG" CRAIG MCINTYRE
1814 Days since we got Married
(Yes WE are a little late, bare with us)

ABOUT US


About Maxine

I am a 10-year U.S. Postal Service worker also with experience in Part-Time Nocturnal Security in Government Buildings. My knack for overseeing and observing makes me a wonderful "catch" in the eyes of "Big" Craig. Born in Detroit, my favorite past-times are doing hair and "stepping". A social/casual drinker, I do tend to "buzz" a lil more during the holidays. Ya know, a sister can act bad sometimes. My favorite colors are Red & White. Mainly because of my strong love for the Lord. AND all them Strawberry Shortcakes I be eating. I need to get my tail in the gym for real for real but, that's neither here nor there. I am not working to get my CDL licenses so I can drive these mail trucks. Hopefully with that I can advance my Postal career and do a lil traveling

About "Big" Craig

"Big" Craig. Um Um Ummmm. What can I say. I love me some "Big" Craig. Craigery Boulware McIntyre is the love of MY life. He is handsome inside and out. "Big" Craig grew up on the Southside of Newport News, VA. He soon moved to Mo-Town to pursue a career in Flag Football. He had heard of many tournaments going on in the Mid-West and even heard that the prize money was alot larger here than on the East Coast. After a major pinky finger infection, he was sidelined permanently and has picked up a job as a Courier. AND OOOH do he look good in his tights. His favorite Football team is the Atlanta Falcons and he collects WWE Wrestling figurines.

How We Met

We were in a Golden Corral on a Sunday after service when I layed mine eyes on "Big" Craig. I can remember, it was 1988. He had his lil Troop Sweatsuit on and he was standing in front of the Roast Beef line. He was a gentlemen and let me in front of him. Well I took 17 slices of Roast Beef so he had to wait for another bulk to come out. By the time he got his beef, I had ate 10 of my slices and had found an extra chair for "Big" Craig to sit with me and my family. I didn't think he'd sit down with us but, he did. And he met me at the same time he met my family. From that point on, Golden Corral twice on Sundays became our tradition.

The Proposal

From the end of 1988 to 2000, we lived together. he moved in with me, my mother, my aunt, my two unemployed uncles and my grandparents. I had just started working two jobs in 2000. (That's where my experience in Part-Time Nocturnal Security in Government Buildings came in). I was tired. So was "Big" Craig. He was tired of coming home with red thighs from them tights and I was tired of signing all them people in. And plus "Big Momma" was pressing us to leave. So one day "Big" Craig said the most romantic thing I had ever heard. After taking a swig of his "Cisco" he looked at me, All wet-mouthed and said "Baby we aint getting no younger, lets do this..............plus your uncle dont keep the bathroom clean no way". He reached in his pocket and gave me a ring. I cried. Maybe it was the combination of the ring AND my "buzz" but I cried like a wolf in the night. I was SO happy to be engaged to "Big Craig"


The Wedding

We gotta few pics from the wedding but "Big" Craig aint picked em up yet from the drug store. He waiting on his friend Steve to be promoted to Night Manager so he can get them out on discount. But we had a nice wedding.


The Wedding Party

MAXINE's ATTENDANTS

Shadonna Williams, Maid of Honor - Best Friend
Neisha Jenkins, Bridesmaid - Cousin
Tatalana Stevenson, Bridesmaid - Sister
Shantala Ricks, Bridesmaid - Friend
Rhonda "Stank" Richards, Bridesmaid - Co-worker (on the part-time job)
Rekeeda Johnson, Bridesmaids - Cousin


"BIG" CRAIG's ATTENDANTS

Rick Taylor, Best Man - Best Friend & Supervisor
Donte Wiggims, Groomsman - Friend
Jaquan Jacobs, Groomsman (Pending a Criminal Case) - Lil Cousin
Donald Cribbs, Groomsman - Friend
Leroy Sikes, Groomsman - Flag Football Teammate
Jason McAfee, Groomsman - Maxine's Cousin

Dontrell Wiggims, Interim Groomsman - Brother of Donte

Our Registries

We are registered at the following places

Golden Corral

Cracker Barrel

&

G.C Murphy Low Income Department Stores


Please Sign Our Guestbook

For comments, we can be reached at (301) 455-3534


"If God is Against you, Who gonna be wit you"

Monday, September 26, 2005

Sal's Corner
"DONT BE SCURRED"


How many of yall ever been SCARED in your life? I mean SCURRED!?!?!?! You didn't think you were gonna make it but, somehow you made it through. Being scared is natural but, I think some things scare some more than others. But, there are common scary moments for EVERYONE.

"I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING" - Like, why can't you tell me now. "Oh we'll talk later". NO dont do that to me. Especially if its somebody in authority like your parents or boss or wife/husband. You be thinking, "WHAT could I have done". Most of the time its a woman you might need to worry. If a man says "I'll tell you later" it's probably just something he can't say because someone else is in the area. But women are different. It'll JUST be you and her and she says "I'll tell you later" and gotta be thinking "THIS IS NOT GOOD". "Whats wrong???" and she replies "Oh nothing, we'll talk". You might gotta go and check your drawls on that note. You be afraid to go to sleep cause you thinking she might kill you 'cause her calmness is too much for you to handle.

REPORT CARDS - Ut Oh. Dont run now. You had ALL semester to get right. You were playing though. You are getting your excuses together. "Lil Ralph had said he problems in that class TOO". "Man I need to switch sections cause them kids make too much noise and we ALL get in trouble". "NOBODY be passin' dem tests granddaddy". "I just study TOO much and I freeze on them tests". "Man Momma, the whole time........the teacher had said them homework assignments were optional". You know you reaching for excuses when pre-phrases like "Man Look", "The Whole time" and "For real for real" come out your mouth. But its 95% your fault. We can give room for error but it's really your fault. All them days you ran outside to play "throwback tackle" and you said "NAW I aint got no homework" or the MOST FAMOUS line of all "OH naw Ma', I had did that in school before I left". But you be SCARED. Tryna get home before moms get home cause you always gotta view the report card FIRST. Just so you can reassure and double check your excuses. Because you have to understand........some grades you THOUGHT were bad end up being B-minuses. And the ones you THOUGHT were gonna be good could be bad!

TIP: For High School students, there are "progress reports" and parents get those BUT for College Students.........there are "Mid-Semester Reports". For those who dont know.......at certain universities, they send these home to your parents. BUT, you can opt to have them come to your local address. Go to your campus building that handles payment of tuition and address issues and get that done. THIS can give you an opportunity to see where you are so that you can develop those lies a little earlier without Moms or Pops knowing.

"CALLS" IN CHURCH - You ever been in church and the pastor has a "special call" to those with certain addictions? Now this aint your regular "altar call" where people give their lives to Jesus. I mean the call that signifies that you already did that but you be "trippin" sometimes. You might smoke a lil weed, drink a lil bit of that "drank" sometimes. And then the pastor says "If there is ANYONE here who needs to be delivered, come up". And you KNOW thats you. And you sitting there "Noid" as ever. The first thing you do is look to see if anyone else is standing up. Preferably a "COOL" person. And sometimes no one fits that category. So you see a guy who obviously appears to be a "Drunk" stand up. And you say "I KNOW I aint bad as him" so you go ahead and stay seated. THEN the pastor says "You NEVER KNOW when you may have this chance again" and then that lump sets in your chest. He's talking to you. BUT you dont want EVERYBODY to know you "get down". What would Sister McCleod think of you?????

"NASTY" DEEDS IN MOMMA's HOUSE - Now for most guys, there is not a care in the world when it comes to this. Fellas dont care about sneaking around in the house as teenagers. Females dont either, if its THEIR house. But the WORST situation is when the female is in the guy's house and she know the mother! Oh man. This is probably one of the scariest moments for a young female. The last thing she needs is "Big Momma" coming in and see her hands, lips and other body parts all over her son or grandson. "Oh my god Gerald, PLEASE HURRY UP, what if Mrs. Baker come in here and see us". He responds "Look Keisha, Grandma at Bible Study". 10 minutes "Gerald IF MRS. BAKER CATCHES US IN HERE.....PLEASE GERALD WE NEED TO STOP". Most women look at the guy they're dealing with as their future. AND some females think they are replacing the boy's mother as the female in his life, so the last thing that female needs is for his mother to walk and see her with her legs in the air signaling a touchdown.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Thursday, September 22, 2005

"CELL PHONE ADVERTISEMENT"
By Salvador Gabor


I have a fascination with "Boost" mobile phones. It's interesting to me how folks who have THAT BAD of a credit report that can't get a regular phone and they have to pay as they go. I'm not "Mr 800 Credit Score" myself but dag if you gotta drop more than $200 on a deposit something is wrong. "Thats neither here nor there" but anyway.

I've noticed that many of us need "Boost Mobiles" ourselves. Not the phones though. This "Boost Mobile" is slightly different. Although people with bad "credit" often need these types of "Boost Mobiles". This "Boost Mobile" maybe a compliment from the opposite sex. Maybe a free dinner. Maybe an opportunity to say "Hey that guy tried to talk to me". Yeah most of these "Boost Mobiles" are needed for females. Simply because they question the whereabouts of "GOOD MEN". So they need a male to bend over backwards to deliver a "Boost Mobile" to them. No one is perfect. So you'll be looking forever. And it always seems that the people who need "Boost Mobiles" always want the BEST service. But your "credit" is bad. "Credit" meaning your HISTORY. NO we haven't forgot when you used to mess wit "Lil Tony" and you were giving him your checks to buy CRACK on wholesale. Yeah all you "Boost Mobile" ladies love them crack dealers. Or how bout when "Greg" used to beat you. Or what about "Deshawn" who you basically took care of like a son? All the while "Steve" that worked diligently at Safeway was right there. He tried to approach you but his short sleeve shirt and his "Have it your way at Safeway" button on his uniform wasn't for you. What about "Rick" who delivered packages for UPS. His legs were ashy one day in the brown shorts so that turned you off. Right in your face but, you wanted the "other" dudes. The ones on the wild side. See all this led to you having to get a "Boost Mobile". You can't get a "plan". You need to pay that bill on that "Boost Mobile" before you get more "minutes". You looking for a male to prove to you that he is good. All because of your "bad credit". Get your "credit" in order then you can have some of the things you want.

So the next time you ask "Where the Good Men at", they are here.......the real question is

WHERE YOU AT?

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Sal's Corner
"FAST FOOD REVIEW"


Im just doing my job. I gotta give the people what they want. Today I will be reviewing a few Fast Food joints that we frequent. Just giving you a "heads up" AND a briefing on the spots in general and what they are known for and what to watch for.

* KFC - KFC is not the best place to go at night. Hostility is the word that comes to mind. Some old lady is ALWAYS in an argument with a young girl who works there and really dont wanna be there. The young workers are patient but sometimes they act somewhat docile and almost DEAD. They walk slow to get your extra wing that you ordered. Its just a very somber mood in KFC. Employees dont enjoy jokes or share curse words and plans of partying for the night while rolling biscuits. Be in a good mood prior to going to KFC, because they wont lighten your day.

* WENDY's - Wendy's is like going to that Aunt's house that has alot of kids. Always action. Thats the house your mother wont let you go to to attend "sleepovers". Wendy's has to have some of the fastest workers in history. The drive thru time is Immaculate. They know how to handle crowds. The workers are always hilarious. The African-American to Hispanic dialogue in the back of the store is PRICELESS. "She ordered a #4, thats BACON Guadalupe..........BACON!" The downside, instead of YOU cursing them out, they curse you out from time to time. But for a quick Big Bacon Sandwich, I'll take a 4 letter word.

* McDONALD's - When I think of McDonalds, I think of family. Well I should say the workers do. They like to talk to you like we are in the street. JUST GIVE ME MY FOOD. I dont need to hear "AYE BOY, my friend wanna talk to you". What we gonna talk about?

* CHECKERS - I don't live in California. Im not tryna stand outside and wait for a burger in the cold. Checkers window service is the WORST. You HAVE to go thru drive thru. And the left side is ALWAYS empty. BUT the idea of having to put your car in park just to reach all the way over and hand them your money from the left drive thru is not worth it. Wait in the right drive thru line and you might be aight.

* POPEYES - Caution: Watch the chicken fryers. ALWAYS a funny site. Nothing will make you laugh more than a man sweating with Flour to the forearms talking about "No White meat for 15 minutes". You always gotta wait for chicken in Popeyes. And its only right that it's ALWAYS a nigga WITH you that want a Spicy Wing and thats gonna be another 6 minutes. Take this mild one and let us get on with the get on!!!!!!!! Popeyes can look like a discotech sometimes too. That back looks like opening day in the NFL. ALL SMOKE! The manager come out the back and open the door and you'd a thought Deion Sanders was back there the way he come out of that smoke stack.

* BURGER KING - I dont know much to say about them. Im glad they finally changed from that ONE LINE nonsense. Burger Kings are always just weird. I can't even quite figure them out. Its usually people from your high school that were in Special Education that are back there. "Man Greg work back there.......that nigga couldnt spell in school, good to see he can at least work a spatula".

* TACO BELL - Now Burger King employs weirdos........TACO BELL is patronized by weirdos. People who frequent this place are weirdos. This is usually a spot where as a woman you almost know some guy with a compact car and a set of rims and a part in his hair will approach you. And if you give him a chance.........he might take you back there for yall first date. The workers at Taco Bell are probably one day away from suicide.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Sal's Corner
"YALL NEED TO STOP" (THE "SOME'n LIKE IT" -REMIX-)


Last week we talked about things that were something LIKE the real thing but NOT the real thing. Today we are gonna talk about RETAILERS and their ploys to take our money for a bad product. Now if Im paying for something, dont say "Oh its some'n like it", JUST go back to the drawing board. And thats REAL! Don't sell me nothing cheap or worth NO value. Now onto the good stuff

*STORES THAT SELL JERSEY's" - Let me brief those who aren't aware of the "Jersey" game. First you have authentic jerseys and replica jerseys. Authentics are what the players wear. Designed down to the smallest detail of exactly how the uniforms that the players wear would look. Replicas are the ones that your 7 year old son sleeps in. THEN you have Throwbacks and Current Jerseys. A Throwback is JUST THAT. A Throwback to the DISTANT past. A current jersey is a player's jersey with the current team they are playing for. ALSO teams change schemes in their jersey design so a "current" jersey is not a player for the same team but the old style jersey. HERE is where our retailers try to get over. Say a player gets traded. They try to drop the price a TAD bit on the jersey that he wore with his former team. RETAILERS.........TAKE THAT AS A LOSS. Im not spending $125 on a Randy Moss Minnesota Vikings jersey. Dont try to dump that sorrow on ME. You didnt move the jersey quick enough, he got traded and YOU gotta take the loss. YALL NEED TO STOP THAT...........FOR REAL!

* THERMALS - Ok this is the big thing for guys. The JJ EVANS Longjohns. But RETAILERS take it TOO far. Ive seen Thermals with hoodies now. I dont think yall heard me.............THERMALS with HOODIES. AND the Drawstring! AND for the summer they gave you the SHORT SLEEVE THERMAL. If its SHORT SLEEVED.......its supposed to keep me COOL. How would a thermal shirt help me in the summer????? Yall tryna get our money! YALL NEED TO STOP THAT.......FOR REAL!

* XXL - Double X L. YES that amount of cotton still exists in MEN's STORE. Its a shame that I go into MEN's stores and they dont have XXL. In an ideal world..........Smalls and Mediums wouldn't be available in Men's Stores.......Cause we are MEN not BOYS! BOYS wear XS shirts from The GAP. And then whats considered to be XXL in some stores is Double Tight! Make a man's pair of jeans. Or a Man shirt for once. YALL NEED TO STOP THAT.........FOR REAL!

* CHEAP SHOES ARE JUST THAT - CHEAP! Ever notice the shoes that are on sale are never the ones you want. Contrary to belief, everyone knows that Ugly Shoes are Ugly. Non-fashionable shoes are non-fashionable in the eyes of most. That's why the Lugz Boots are on sale for $37 and the shoes you want are $125. And they aren't going down on the price ANYTIME SOON!

* SPRINT WITH NEXTEL - Yes this post has been mostly about clothing but we gotta talk about PHONES right quick. First of all IM NOT FEELING THIS SPRINT/NEXTEL merger. Sprint is ran by the mafia, Im convinced about that. They are ruthless but........here's my story. I have a Nextel. My VERY FIRST BILL was for 2 months. They let you ride for 2 months without a bill and that first one came and I had an option of paying the full bill or one month's worth. So Im like this......."You not gonna get 2 months outta me!" So I paid the past due balance for the last year on every month. NOW this whole merger thing is involved........Friday I did my usual and paid the minimum or past balance due. NOW last night..........my phone says "Ready" and not "NEXTEL". And for Nextel owners "Ready" is a sign that your phone's service is restricted. IM HEATED. I JUST paid that bill and now Im gonna have to pay the FULL BALANCE. So I PAID the full balance last night. Dropped it like it was HOT! My phone is still saying "Ready" hours later. The message that they tell me is "It takes a while for the phone to come back to regular service". MAN it didnt take hours to CUT my phone OFF. You did it immediately. Yall didnt sit around and say "Oh we gotta wait an hour to cut his phone off". That was done ASAP. NEXTEL AND SPRINT.........YALL NEED TO STOP..........LIKE FOR REAL!

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"




"The Ghetto Geisha of the Green Line"
By Bill Cashmere


(This guy is an avid reader of the blog and wanted to say some things to you that were on his mind. Now I introduce you to BILL CASHMERE)

CANNNNNNN I KICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ITTTTTTTTT?????

I wanna apologize for the delay. Its been a long time coming. I wanna say shout out to my comrade Sal for lettin me speak on some issues. This is Bill, Bill Cashmere the international, never irrational, always radical man of mystery that is. Nah my name aint William, lets establish that right now. Ladies and gentlemen, it feels good to finally come out here, and speak on some things that go on in our everyday community.

THE GHETTO GEISHA OF THE GREEN LINE

One day you were riding the subway like any other day, this day was no different than the last, except for her. YES HER... "money" on the train, and I aint talkin bout loose change, im talking bout the ghetto geisha, the green line watusi princess. YES Her, and she was BADDDDDDD my friend. Wow u thought, shorty is looking righteous, you play it cool as everyone board the train. You say " i gotta get at this joint," and lo and Behold you both have the same stops. But you can't get at her today for some odd reason, any other joint you woulda been on it, but today you may have other reasons, your shape up aint quiet as fresh, your rows aint done, you aint got on that shirt that makes you feel like a million bucks, the quietness on the train while you be hollaring...whateva. I don't know bout you all, but it seems like EVERYONE, is paying attention when you getting at a female on the train. All eyes are on you. So what do you do? You think "Man ima wait till tomorrow". Katonio gonna give u that fresh haircut, or Keisha gonna make sure your rows is extra tight. That dress shirt you got is always a killer, you goin hurt the whole train riding to work when you show up tomorrow. So you wait go to work, you may be coming home from work that day and you go home and rehearse the whole convo in your mind "Ron Burgandy" style. You READY to make your move. You seen shorty a few times, so you know this wasn't no one time thing. Then here comes the moment of the truth, your gear is right, your hair is tight, everything is solid right??? And WHAT HAPPENS, YOU DON'T SEE HER, YOU LOOK AROUND, calmly of course, BUT SHE AINT HERE. "What happened?? I was ready today!!" Then you wonder what went wrong what stopped you the previous day? Well you wanted to be "Ron Burgandy" and put on a show for the people and it turns out that you don't even see her the next day, or the following Monday. "Ah well" is what you say to yourself. Eventually you don't really pay it no mind, and one day you might've had to wear the least favorite shirt, you may still be tired the previous nights partying, and what happens YOU SEE HER....... and you back to square one

So the moral of this story is always try to look good, and hop on the opportunity cuz if not, when you are finally ready, she rapping to 1 of her wack co-workers or she aint there.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

check out http://www.geedell.blogspot.com

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Sal's Corner
"SOME'THIN LIKE IT"


Come on yall. Let's be real. Time out for all this faking. If it aint the real thing, it just aint real and it aint worth our time. Either you is or you aint. I dont wanna hear "Oh Im Some'n like it". If you not, you not.

* "PLAY COUSINS" - Black folk are the worst. We be like 37 still talking about "Thats my Play Cousin, Denisha". Denisha is not your cousin, play cousin or nothing! Stop saying that. Why cant yall JUST be good friends? HUH? WHY? Is is THAT hard. "Good Friend" is much easier and it's a better description than "Play Cousin". People usually say "Thats my cousin" when they aren't cousins because they think that "play cousin" is cool and they wanna be related to them. Have some pride about YOURSELF. You don't need them to be your cousin. A good friend is all you need. Leave that "Play Cousin" talk in the sandbox. You better not be walking around in the Department of Labor office talking about "My Play Cousin Shirley had her 3rd Baby this morning..........well we not cousins but........WE SOME'THIN LIKE IT"

* "I DONT GO TO CHURCH BUT, I BELIEVE IN GOD" - Come on man. Not now. I dont feel like going through this. Why we got to always go through this. See me, Im not one to press people out about church. But I know what I believe and I pray to be a good example for others. But, why is it when you ask a nigga if he believe in Jesus he gotta give you the "Im saying.......I dont go to church persay but, I do believe in God". There yall go.......SOME'THIN like it. "Like I aint gonna say Im a Christian but........Im SOME'THIN LIKE IT". Dog you buy into what you believe. So if you believe in God, it would make sense for you to go to church at least once a month. I'll give you a 3 week layoff. Catcha pre-game show or something but homie, you aint been since 87 Easter. You dont believe in GOD. So dont say that. And church aint the "end all be all" cause it's whats in your heart but 18 Easters ago is a bit much.

* "MY WIFE" - All yall 36 and up folk...........stop calling your girlfriends you "WIFE". "Yeah my wife and I are going to Atlantic City". But yall filing separately and her ID dont say Wilkins at the end. It says Davenport. What's that about? See what it is........folk think that the term "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" is too childish when you get 43. Well........25 year relationships with no marriage in sight is just AS childish. Get married and get on. Stop lying at your job saying that's your husband. The only thing you and Melvin went half on is that furniture from Rent-A-Center.

* "I WENT TO SCHOOL DOWN NORTH CAROLINA FOR A YEAR" - It's always some drunk or pipehead tryna talk your head off about how they went to "A&T" for a semester in '81. Man I dont wanna hear that. Did you finish? If not that's ok. Everybody got circumstances that are beyond their control. BUT...dont KEEP tellin me everytime you see me "Yeah you know I was down the way at North Carolina A&T in '74".

* "WELL THAT AINT MY BOYFRIEND" - WHAT is it then? Im a tell you like this, if I gotta girlfriend, Im a let you know. It aint gonna be alot of questions. YES or NO. Im not beating around the bush. She a "friend" that "I see" or my "GIRL". You ask a nigga a question and he give you like a paragraph. "Aight see.......Im saying.......we chill but.......I mean........like.........aight naw we not like that but.......I mean we do be chilling". Dont ask a female if that's her boyfriend. "Well, I like him, he's cool, smart, has a sense of humor and has a good head on his shoulders.....he's a good friend." She'll give ALL the attributes but never will say "YES" or "NO".


Just get right

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"