Friday, August 19, 2005

Wilbert's Internet Dating
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

There are many people in the society of yesterday who live life today. That being said there are some folk who just have a hard time attracting the type of woman or man that they are looking for, or might not be looking for but would gladly take. Here at "Wilbert's Internet Dating" we try to turn garlic breath and chittlin deodorant into an afrodeziac that no lonesome Curtis or Myrtle could resist.

Here we have George W. Purcell, a man of stature who is in his late 40's early 50's who was looking for love in all the wrong places. George is an avid rider of public transportation and can be found squeezing down beside you on the wrong day. Oh yeah he is the nigga carrying that man purse, and there is probably nothing in there but a pack of instant grits, a couple copies of Jet magazine, some Vaseine-lotion, a picture of a Camaro he is trying to get by the time his tax check comes, and something on that tear-off fax paper that only he could explain. He pretty much keeps to himself, until the routine off-site office parties. Nobody knew George talked that much, or drank that much gin for that matter. Oh this ole nigga put the "bumpy" on the Bumpy Face. George gets quite frisky at these events. He becomes quite the social butterfly, chatting with co-workers from all walks of life no matter the race, color, religion, sexual preference or creed.

In one instance George is having a conversation with Henri Baker, a suspected homosexual in the office. George and Henri are talking about sports and how athletes have to fend women off. The conversation went like this, "You know Henry, I mean Henri those athletes have to fight off women all the time. I mean they come after them like hawks, a buddy of mine got a shot with the Rams back in the 80's and he said the honeys were all over him. Not that you have to worry about that because we know you like Todd over there, Hey Todd what you up to, me and Henri were just talking about how he don't like women, you know he likes his fudge packed." This didn't sit well with Todd or Henri, but neither of them told, because they thought their office romance was secret.

George has often been warned and even slapped for accidently laughing and touching breasts in social atmospheres. He is famous for wrapping ladies up around the side and pressing a finger on the bra line. These tactics were useless when used against the wrong type of lady, not George's type of woman. Wilbert's Internet Dating Service found George the wrong right kind of woman who enjoys a man's gin-filled advances of lust. We have provided George with a long list of Brenda's, Roxanne's and Rhonda's who love leather and know how to wear it. No longer is George that lonely brother with his arms folded around his man purse on the train, he stands tall and listens to his walkman and even has a cell phone. He has combed out his part and is ready for the night. If you or a lonely uncle aunt or 48 year old second cousin needs love in the worst way, check the website, and try us. Your first 5 hookups are free, and every additional hookup is $26 pending a criminal investigation.