Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Mind Your Own Market
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

We as a people feel the need to market ourselves, whether it is for a job, a mate, or maybe for a little self esteem influx. However we don't tend to our store, we don't mind our market carefully. Let's take a look at how we can better solicit some of our good and not so obvious qualities.

Ladies shall we plan accordingly and eliminate those Rudolph panties. If you know you are lingering around your 25th day let's dress with respect to it. Nobody wants to see those Rudolph the red crotch panties. Let's cross our legs and wear not so snug pastel pants. Turquoise and cinammon just doesn't say mingle, it says single and very available but doesn't enhance the mingle. Shall we let the paint dry before opening the store, mind your market.

To all these Atlanta Falcons, aka the dirty birds, wash your hands when you come out the bathroom. This credo is unisex and must be bound by law. Aint no telling how much tear you encountered with your buttshield wipers. You got a fresh manicure and a brown rindstone sitting right there on your pointer, sister that aint right. Fellas, all that handshaking you are about to do at lunchtime alone and you know good and well you too have crossed harmin's finish line. Hey hey hey, all that fecal fellowship is uncalled for. Keep the store clean and mind your market.

Big guys let's stop hawking after the ladies in their snug summer attire. Everyone takes a look every now and then, but my big guys just get noticeably excited. They'll chat the ladies up, and all the while the mouth is hanging open and they get to doing that "up-snore". Just makes you want to say, "Big boy you aint sleep stop snoring before you huff and puff and blow one her breasts clean out her bra." Oh ladies if you want a little picker upper in the self esteem department, find your nearest big dude. He'll make you feel real, real xrayed like you getting a CAT-scan on nature's meow. Big guys let's properly ventilate yourself, keeps your market from getting to hot. Let's get that front door swinging open and stop running that big fan, cuts down on that effort-electricity.

Let's be sure to mind our own market. Let's keep the store shelves stocked with good things and price them accordingly. Don't sell a box of love for $.97, you're selling it too cheap, unless stank butt is working your loading dock. In that case you might need help from the Better Bidness Bureau. Let's keep the storefront clean, some markets aren't that pretty on the outside, but keep it clean and stocked on the inside. A dirty market might get you some quick money, but you don't want your target group going somewhere else. Let stank be not divine in your attitude or breath, but be yet not freaky with Antoine or Seth. Have a happy day and unbutton your pants if that pot roast makes a b-line for the paper bowel roll.