Monday, June 13, 2005

Sal's Corner

Ladies. I just need to speak to yall for a hot second. Now don't get me wrong......I got some things the FELLAS need to hear as well. But that's next week. But I need yall ears and eyes for a little while. No need for a major intro. I just need to rap to yall for a second

* DOING WHAT WE DO - Im noticing that alot of women like to boast about how they like sports and how they have knowledge of sports. Some of yall like to talk about how you play madden and all that. Ok, here's the deal. We just need you to do women stuff. JUST respect what we do. You don't have to lure a man by knowing how to play Playstation. If that was sexy, Craig woulda been slept wit Kenny. Alot of the problems you have with men deal with the fact that you try to adjust and adapt to what we do. Let us do us. We dont go out and take sewing classes and keep up on whats going on on America's Next Top Model for conversation pieces. We just leave yall alone during that hour. The last thing I wanna do is explain what "Offsides" is a MIYON times to you in one game. The same way you dont want to explain how ALL these skinny ugly girls get modeling jobs to me.

* YOU SURE? - See this is why when I get a wife Im STILL gonna fix my own plate at house events. Women have a tendency to ask you a MIYON (million) times if you want something. "You want some ribs?" "You sure?" "UMMMM these ribs are good, want some?" "You just HAVE to try these, here try some?" FELLAS, I KNOW SOMETIMES YOU WANT to say "B*TCH is it the N or the O that got you confused when I said NO?" Fellas, we are gentlemen. So we cant speak like that. But ladies.....let me be. I KNOW when I want ribs, crabs, steaks or whatever other type food thats gonna mess up my white tee-shirt

* WHAT BAIT ARE YOU USING - A great man once told me, "If you arent catching the right fish, change your bait, the only thing you can catch with raw meat is a dog". Ladies, lowcut shirts and high skirts aren't gonna help you find your "KING". Every woman talkin' bout "Im a cut above the rest". "Im looking for my Knight and Shining Armour". I said "Girl you need to go up to the Car Wash at about 8:30.......thats the only way you gonna see some shining armour at night". Ladies yall are funny. After 28, yall start talking all this "Royalty" talk. Princes, Kings, Queens and so forth. Girl you from Brooklyn. You musta ate too many CASTLE Burgers.

* TIME LIMITS - "I dont have sex during the first 6 months". (Sal shakes his head as he reads and types this one). Sit down woman. SIT! The only time limit is waiting on marriage. Let me further break this down. See I wasn't born yesterday. And chances are, you aren't the first woman Ive met and dealt with. So if your time limit is put in place to possibly eliminate all guys who JUST wanna have have been misled. Speaking from a general male perspective, if I REALLY wanna have sex with you, I'll wait it out. I might even make it a cycle. The lady I met 8 months ago with your same rule, Im NOW sleeping with. So while Im waiting out your 6 months, Im laying with her. So Im cool for now. We can go out, I take you home. You thinking "He aint even come on to me, he respect me". So once your 6 month period is up, im a be sleeping with you while waiting on the next girl to end her "cycle". Its stupid. Dont put some time limit on love thinking thats gonna work. Ladies I aint tryna let you down and think all guys are dogs. FELLAS, I aint hating on you. Im just tired of women have a "stopwatch" on what they are gonna do. Ladies yall setting yourselves up. This is not a game of time.

* "IM JUST TIRED OF GAMES" - My homie sent me a link to a "Personal's" page. Being that im single Im not sure if he was tryna send me a signal or what? That's neither here nor there but, I looked at the site. All these ladies talking about "IM JUST TIRED OF GAMES". Men read that as one or two things....."SHE TRYNA GET DOWN" or "SOMEBODY DONE BEAT HER DOWN". Down aint a good look or direction for you sweetie. Boo, you'll scare the man off talking like that. Yeah when we were 21 that was cool. You might come home from college, meet you a lil nice college dude while yall interning together. You been battered and he just wanna be your savior, cause that's what nice, YOUNG, inexperienced guys do. But when you are 32 on the "INNER-Net" aka "", Donnie that works at the Dept of Labor with a kid or two himself aint got time for your rollercoaster tales of love. The less you tell and give off, the more likely he will like you. I mean I know its hard on yall. You thought you were the "queen to be", now you gotta drop your pride and post a pic on the Net, all the while hoping nobody at the job sees you. Like my mother once said "I gotta trick for you". These guys at your job ARE looking on them personals pages. TRUST ME. You can have an uppidity attitude cause you making $70,000 but walk outside and get sassy wit Craig from the mail room. He gonna ask you "Aint you SlutMuffin80801 off BlackPlanet?"

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"