Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Sal's Corner

I was riding in a truck with a few friends recently in the downtown D.C. Area. We all noticed that many cars were parked in a lot in the middle of the grass area near the "Mall" right by the "Monument". We pondered upon the question of how the cars got there. A friend then said "We'll never know, that's something that white folks talk about at THEIR meetings". Then my other friend said "Well you know.......JIM CROW is ALIVE in 2005". And I begin to put "2 and 2 together" and I realized that maybe Caucasian folk do have meetings and discuss issues that other races will never know about. I began to wonder exactly WHERE do they meet? Who is the president of the society? Whats the society's name? But then I just figured I'd focus on some of the issues at hand in the "White People's Meetings and Weekly Briefings". The following are some of the issues Im sure they speak on

* BATTERIES - Have you ever seen a White person get a "jump" for their car? ....
Exactly, I thought you probably hadn't seen it either. I knew I wasn't the only one that noticed that. Maybe you didn't notice but, White folks NEVER have or need Jumper Cables. I think battery malfunctions are put in typical cars that black folks drive so we can spend money on batteries. Maybe Im wrong but for some reason, Chrysler LeBaron's, Chevy Caprice's, Delta 88's and Buick LeSabre's always need a jump. It's always a NIGGA TYPE car in need of a battery charge. You never see Volvo's, Audi's or Volkswagen's on the side of the road. The "White People's Meetings and Weekly Briefings" must have this at the top of their agenda forums

* BOATS - Ive been to the beach. Ive seen people having fun on boats in the water. And then I thought, "WHY dont Black folk have their boats out in the water?" "Do we have boats?" THEN it hit me, ALL of our boats be in our FRONT YARDS! See back in the 70's, Black folk started getting a lil money. Got real sassy and cute and wanted to start playing golf and throwing martini parties and then said "Let's get some Boats too". And they got the boats, they went out and sailed....then the boat breaks down. Being the niggers that we are, we think Ray from 'round de corner can fix it just because he USED to work at Pep Boys. The whole time, RAY swept the floors in the main part of the store. So 30 years later, them boats are STILL in the FRONT YARD. This too is another topic discussed at "White People's Meetings and Weekly Briefings". They are working to keep up confused about how to get our boats fixed

* CHURCH CONDUCT - God must be White. Because it seems like White folk have a direct line to God. Maybe he gives us the house line and gives white folk the two-way and cell phone to reach him at all times. I feel this way because, he can give White folks the Holy Ghost without them tearing up the sanctuary. They can receive it and sit wit it! We got to get up and cause the deacons to have to refurbish the entire tabernacle. Black folk, why cant we just praise God in our 2 feet radius? When we gonna get that down pat? HUH?

* PARKING AT GOVERNMENT BUILDINGS - You dont NEVER see no black people with their car outside buildings on the meter. I think its something they put in Black peoples' food. It makes us sleep late. NO black person gets to work at 6:00 AM to get a space downtown. Only black folks that get to work that early are the security guards and bus drivers. Why you think all of us be on the train and buses in the morning. The white folks got all the parking spaces! That's why. And they not giving you a parking pass underground. You gotta be a pretty big nigger in the office to park downstairs. It's almost like the parking level has a forcefield that picks up on the smell of Chittlin's, Watermelon, Chicken and Black Magic shaving cream. REALLY, I think they pass out all the passes at the "White People's Meetings and Weekly Briefings".


We have our meetings too! And we discuss some things White folks will never figure out.

* ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION - One thing they are NOT covering at the "White People's Meetings and Weekly Briefings" is how to handle liquor. A White Drunk is different than a Black Drunk. A White type of drunk is scary. You ever been to a white graduation? Its always a dedication to some kid killed that year in an accident that shoulda been graduating that day. Did you know CABS were originally made for the purpose of picking up drunk white people. Ray that used to work at Pep Boys told me that......anyways

* DANCING - Watching a white person dance is like watching two older kids throwing a ball over a baby's head. The baby never quite catches on. He's moving and tryna catch it but he's always a day late and a dollar short. That's all I'll say about that

* KIDS - White people confuse me. They NEVER want their kids. But they always want somebody elses. How you gonna kill your own kids.......then snatch another kid from a lady who just gave birth. We sometimes wanna kill our kids but for God's sake if I EVER could get rid of Lil Marquis, Im not turning around and tryna kill "Baby Man Man".

* WRESTLING - We still aint told them that wrestling is fake. Should we tell em?

The preceeding message was not meant to be racist but it definitely was meant to be totally and utterly ignorant. Thanks for your time. ALL of it.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"