Wednesday, May 18, 2005

"THE U.G. MUG SOCIETY CONFERENCE"
By Salvador Gabor


The UG MUG (Ugly Girls Making United Grief) Society 31st Annual Conference will be taking place at the Richmond Civic Center this Thursday through Sunday in Richmond, Virginia. For over 30 years, UG MUG members have caused havoc in the relationships of pretty girls and men who just want a cool and calm relationship. UNITED GRIEF is their goal. And they have NEVER drifted from that quest.

There are some enrichening topics and breakout sessions for those who are eligible for UG MUG membership or those who are just curious. Topics such as "Making your friends focus away from their relationships towards your singlehood", "Durrell is acting up so Im sure your man is too", "I cant fit this dress so NONE of us are going out" and "YES I DO clean my plate on the first date".

There will be an expo in the lobby. Tips such as wearing shawls/ponchos to cover all that weight up. Dark colored clothes and smiling without showing teeth will be some of the tactics reviewed in those respective booths.

Not ALL of the ladies that are members are UGLY. Some of them are just "haters". They think because people stab THEM in the back, that everyone else's friends are the same. There is a class for that kinda women as well. There are the ones who dont satisfy their man so they get cheated on. Even the ones who chase after athletes and when they get dumped they think men are dogs. YES, if you fit the bill you are eligible as well. Come one come ALL. Grief is the common goal of the ladies in attendance.

There is also a SPECIAL section. The "Gay/Homosexual" lounge. This is where women can gossip about what men they think are gay. You guys know that is the fastest way to break up a good thing and share some grief. Make up lies about who's gay. There will be some Gay experts in the house as well. Gay lies expert, Malcolm Wiggles will be there to explain to the ladies how to make up lies to your friends with the best boyfriends about them being gay.

So Im sure there is something here for you if you are a UG MUG. To sign up go to http://www.onyourhead.com or call (301) 455-3534 and ask for Stacy McDaniels. Once you are registered, you will receive a confirmation number. Dont be alarmed if the confirmation is on an old Dairy Queen receipt........they are short on funds this years. The website will give you more info BUT, NO PICTURES. The ladies are too horrible for that. So if you look like a beat up highway in the face and your body is shaped like an Oldsmobile....or you are just sick of others being happy........LADIES 5/19 - 5/21/05..........you know where you need to be