Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Sal's Corner
"Excuses, Excuses"

People, especially my YOUNG people. I wanna rap to yall for a second. I know school is over for most of the college students and you are headed back home and working during the summer. You back in the mix in your hometown and you are gonna bump into alot of "friends" and you are tryna rekindle sparks from the past. Also I know there are alot of you folks who aren't in school but, the weather has you out a lil more now. You see folks that you used to "kick it" with. And you too have some ideas for sparking up old flames. I got news for you.........it might be a no-go. So Im about to unveil the top excuses you may hear and what they mean.

"I Gotta New Phone" - Now before I go any further lemme say........any of these "EXCUSES" could be TRUE but alot of times they AREN'T. "I gotta new phone and I lost your number" could easily mean, I erased your number as soon as you walked away the last time I saw you. OR it could mean the person never even locked your number in. They were repeating the number back to you and all but the whole time they were saying "GET OUTTA HERE". Now think about it.........how come they had everyone else's phone numbers but yours?

"Sorry I aint call, Ive been busy" - See...this very excuse is why I MYSELF......dont press women at ALL that I haven't spoken to in a while. Sometimes you see someone of the opposite sex and they know they are dead wrong so they "COP a Plea" off da top........"OH Im so sorry.....I meant to call you". And you never even posed the question, they just feel guilty. I used to ask females that "why you aint call" question but then I kept hearing "Ive been busy".........then I check my watch and I see that its been 6 months since we've talked and I said to myself "Sal.....its been 6 months since yall talked....Im sure she aint gone 6 months without picking up her phone.....she just aint called ME in 6 months". People, this maybe the worst excuse. You CALL who you wanna CALL!

"Call Me Sometimes" - Thats the 51-fake out. This is more of a feminine response. Most men cant go THAT hard and tell a woman to call HIM. Females will say this to some men and they BITE. No one will ever DISRESPECT me and tell me "Oh its ok if you call me". If you wanna talk to me.....CALL ME.....dont tell me to Call you sometimes???????? See all the guys will see their old flame at the cookout and because she simply has NOTHING to say, she will say something dumb like that. And for real...she don't want you to call......she just wants to get you out of her face. And then you call and you get the voicemail.

QUICK TIP FOR EVERYONE: For those with Nextels.......yall know about the "Go Away" button. For those who don't have Nextel but you chasing a man/woman with a Nextel account.........there is a button that takes you STRAIGHT to voicemail. When they see your number...they can hit a button and "Bang on you". "Bang on you" as in hang the phone RIGHT UP. And everyone who has experience with Nextel knows the deal. We all have been "Banged on" before. But back to Sal's Corner........

"...And My Boyfriend/Girlfriend" - You gotta always watch for people just randomly mentioning their significant other. You could be talking and all of a sudden....."YEAH my girlfriend/boyfriend was JUST telling me about....". This is a tale tail sign that he/she is letting you know EARLY on that its a no-go for you. Yall aint even ate no crabs yet at the cookout. You really aint even gotta seat yet and he/she is already letting it be known that what happened before shall not happen again.

"...YEAH we can do something" - Why can't convos with old "friends" just end in "Well it was good seeing you" or "take care"? Why it got to always be a fake "We need to catch a movie" or "Yeah we can grab a bite one of these days". Dont run the game on me and I wont run it on you........OK! Let's just go our separate ways as we have been doing for these past months and years

In conclusion, I'm not against the old skool hook-up again reunion from High School thing-a-majig but, be cautious. Keep in mind that this person hasn't just be standing still since you've been gone. I know myself......Im gonna be guilty of some of these charges during the summer but, hey its the summer

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Friday, May 27, 2005

"This Week in NJDKHTA" for the week of May 27th, 2005
By Salvador Gabor

This week in NJDKHTA is not a inside look into an African country. NO its a look into a society. A look into a lifestyle. And most importantly a look into a mindstate. NJDKHTA.......stands for Niggas Just Dont Know How To Act. The members of the society are ghetto, bunk, unruly black folk. The officers in the society are those who have to put up with them. I'm not a member nor an officer but, I attend the weekly meetings.

There was a meeting yesterday. There were refreshments. It was ghetto so of course someone actually brought real silverware. The servings were too much and the barbeque ribs had everyone licking their fingers then shaking hands right after that in the "Meet N Greet". As always at a ghetto function, there was a raffle drawing. Somebody wasn't satisfied with the gift so it was more trading going on than in July in the NBA.

But, down to bidness. The NJDKHTA ruled yesterday that all Felons released from jail on Parole shall serve a mandatory period of 3 months on "House Arrest". I mean literally handcuffing these niggas to a chair in the kitchen. It's something about niggas who "JUST GOT OUT". They go right back IN! So NJDKHTA has stated that any member of NJDKHTA that is released and is free of a probation officer and curfews shall report to a designated NJDKHTA officer to keep them out of the jailhouse.

stay tuned for weekly updates from the NIGGAS JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO ACT Society on http://www.youniggasarecrazy.com/NJDKHTA

Over the next few weeks we will cover "The Pathless Teachings of DONTRELL", "The Wayward Actions of KATONIO", and "The Language of TAYWON". And we shall also cover how the Holy Trinity of Ghetto Life (Dontrell, Katonio and Taywon) came about.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

"For NIGGAS Only"
By Salvador Gabor

WNIG Radio presents the First Annual "For Niggas Only" Expo being held on June 18th, 2005 in Washington D.C. at the Barry Farms Convention Center conveniently located right off the I-295 Highway on Sumner Road. "For Niggas Only" will mainly be held outside in Southeast DC to accommodate niggas and their love for standing outside and "shootin da breeze".

The purpose of this meeting of niggas is to discuss ideas, thoughts and feelings on Nigga-Like issues. Some issues include "Time Management Skills 205: How to get around to all your BabyMuvas' houses on Holidays", "When to use Viagra", "Proposal of Hussla Pension Plans: Selling Weed and Coke past the age of 50" and "How to take advantage of Atlantic City trips with Mistresses".

Please be mindful.....the word "Nigga" does not denote the Black Male....although when said by other races it is taken as a racial slur. ONLY for the simple fact that we can not clearly inspect your heart as to your intentions when saying it as a person of another race. With that being said "Niggas" who are eligible for attendance go beyond the African-American race. We have 37 white niggas who have signed up so far. 111 Hispanic Niggas and about 18 Chinese niggas who have to work around their restaurant schedule and are a big maybe.

Invitations can be received by signing up to Wevite.com. NOT to be confused with Evite. This is WEvite. Its not on the "inna-net", despite the use of Dot Com. Its on the Nigga-Net. So holla at Juicy down at the MLK Liquor store. He got the reserved seats and if he run out call "Ike" at (301) 455-3534.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

By Salvador Gabor

Today I stand before you to announce that the last Wednesday before Memorial Day shall forever on out be known as "ASH WEDNESDAY". This is a calling or a warning to all people who have hid their ashy elbows, knees, ankles, arms and legs with long sleeve shirts and pants that the summer is coming. EVEN if you havent lotioned ALL winter long, NOW is the time.

That spit or drop of water from the sink wont due. Take about 2 scrubbings in the shower. Blow dry the body parts in need. Vaseline them thangs.........then a lil cocoa butter. AFTER all of that apply the lotion. Now Im guilty. You can hike my slacks and catch some white shins on me as well. Im sure if we did a slack-hike across corporate america.....alot of you dudes would be guilty.

So as we celebrate Memorial Day, keep in mind Ashes come from Cigarettes and Dead Bodies that are cremated. NOT from legs exposed in short shorts and sandles.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Monday, May 23, 2005

Sal's Corner

Yes, the ladder of success. Look down, but dont be scared. Fear will make you fall. Look ahead. Look high. Stand stall. Take deep breaths. Work for your own office where you can shut the door and laugh as loud as you want to.

Seriously, everyone wants to excel and succeed. It takes alot of hard work. Alot of perserverence. It takes a steadfast mindset. And in some cases, these items may lead you to an Executive Position. Not everyone desires to be the leader but, for those who do, the following are tips to being an executive

* MAKE OTHERS FEEL COMFORTABLE - A Great Executive makes people feel warm. You dont have to do much. Just let THEM know, when they are doing much........it counts. Alot of pats/rubs/grips of the shoulders of your workers. A BIG HUGE WIDE smile. Try to remember everyone's name. This can be done by saying their name a MILLION times when you first meet them. "OK Kathy, nice to meet you kathy.....so KATHY, what is it that you'll be doing here Kathy.....well KATHY thats great." All the while Kathy feels at home.

* YOU CANT DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF - Get a good team around you. It has been stated that many executives don't have an extensive education history but, those who work around and under them DO have the educational history needed for expertise in the particular field.

* GIVE DIRECTIONS - If it ever gets quiet in a meeting.........especially towards the end when wrapping up and the "what's next" portion comes along........give direction. Sometimes giving people options aint the best thing.

* DONT GET FAMILIAR WITH TECHNOLOGY - NEVER let anyone THINK that you will attempt to go into EXCEL. For all they know, act as if you dont even know how to work a DVD remote control. Alot of executives are not computer literate. People will ALWAYS help you if they think you dont know ANYTHING about technology as an executive. So put down the IPODs, Blackberry's, DVD Players, and any other gadgets that make people think that you can remotely be deemed as a "Techie".

* HAVE A SHORT ATTENTION SPAN - Now im not just making this one up. I actually heard Donald Trump say this on "Larry King Live". And it makes ALL too much sense. From what I took of it...........Basically in a day, as an executive, time is money. If I ask a question, I need a straight answer.....not an AESOP Fable. I dont need some drawn out story. Yes, No, Im working on it, Im waiting for a response from KATHY as we speak will do. See if you have a short attention span, it will lead people to get their items out as fast as possible and be clear and to the point so you can move on to the next meeting. As a person, if people "aint talkin about nuffin"........move on.

Basically, get people around you that are gonna work. When they work comfort them. Make them fix your computers and pagers and other technological devices. Dont listen to much of what they say unless you like the first 5-6 words and make them go in the path you want them to go and guess what........you'll be a GREAT EXECUTIVE.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Thursday, May 19, 2005

By Salvador Gabor

Here at the Salvador Gabor Project, we long to satisfy your need for insight and a closer look into the lives of the street entrepreneurs. Harold "Big Tyme" Wilkins is no stranger to getting this street money. A 24-hour hustla from North Carolina........"Big Tyme" has resurfaced on the streets of Norfolk, Virginia with ambition, a will to win and a trunk full of some DVD's.

Salvador Gabor: Ladies and Gentlemen its my pleasure to speak with my main man "Big Tyme" Wilkins

Big Tyme: Yuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh

SG: How you doing?

BT: I had a hard time getting here, these directions were good but I kinda messed up

SG: Why you aint hit my phone

BT: Im working off this pager right now as we speak but.....Im good playa

SG: Oh Ok.......so what it us Big Tyme

BT: Aint nuttin, just tryna catch my breath

SG: Thats a good sign for a hustla

BT: Yeah you know I got these Karate Classes going now

SG: Oh Yeah

BT: A nigga teaching martial arts mayne. Check this though, I aint giving out black belts, Im just handing em these Gucci belts I stole from Neimans. Gotta keep the young niggs fly

SG: I can dig it. So what got you into Karate?

BT: Aww man you know a nigga gotta keep some trades on the side. I been whippin up on dem boys down Carolina for years. See Sal this aint really Karate. I just call it that to get my license.

SG: So what is it that you teach?

BT: Its just basic "Keep a Nigga off ya" Tactics. These boys down here scared half to death. Gotta let em in on some secrets. Boys like 11 and 12. Gotta raise em up. They Mommas pay me about $50 and I get em straight.

SG: So what else been going on?

BT: Same ole.....Im still the DVD king of I-64. Got that Star Wars. Got that Matrix3. Got PS3's got the new X-BOX. Im all over it mayne. Check my resume. im a hussla fo sho

SG: They crackin down on bootleggers

BT: Thats a dirty word mayne

SG: It is what it is

BT: Im a urban entertainment distributor. I cater to my Black people. Aint no need in them going to the movies. I got what you need. Bill Gates got money. What he need ALL the XBox sales for? We ALL need to get in where we fit in. Feel me? Let a nigga get papered up one time.

SG: You are taking money from people who earned it

BT: and Seeing 6 Star Wars movies at $10 a whop is takin money from our people. I got all $6 for $25. YES thats a tasteless plug too.

SG: But being the hussla that you are, I know you are a man of many hustles.

BT: YEAH that reminds me......I got RING TONES TOO. But check it.......they FART tones. I got these pills right.......you take em and when you eat and you fart.......the gas makes tones like your favorite songs. I got that new 50........that new Kanye....I even got Fred Hammond for the Gospel Folks.

SG: Thats a bit much for a fart

BT: Anyway I can get it, Im a get it..........as a matter of fact I gotta go...I got some lawns to cut, some tires to sell and some liquor to steal. Im a check you

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

By Salvador Gabor

The UG MUG (Ugly Girls Making United Grief) Society 31st Annual Conference will be taking place at the Richmond Civic Center this Thursday through Sunday in Richmond, Virginia. For over 30 years, UG MUG members have caused havoc in the relationships of pretty girls and men who just want a cool and calm relationship. UNITED GRIEF is their goal. And they have NEVER drifted from that quest.

There are some enrichening topics and breakout sessions for those who are eligible for UG MUG membership or those who are just curious. Topics such as "Making your friends focus away from their relationships towards your singlehood", "Durrell is acting up so Im sure your man is too", "I cant fit this dress so NONE of us are going out" and "YES I DO clean my plate on the first date".

There will be an expo in the lobby. Tips such as wearing shawls/ponchos to cover all that weight up. Dark colored clothes and smiling without showing teeth will be some of the tactics reviewed in those respective booths.

Not ALL of the ladies that are members are UGLY. Some of them are just "haters". They think because people stab THEM in the back, that everyone else's friends are the same. There is a class for that kinda women as well. There are the ones who dont satisfy their man so they get cheated on. Even the ones who chase after athletes and when they get dumped they think men are dogs. YES, if you fit the bill you are eligible as well. Come one come ALL. Grief is the common goal of the ladies in attendance.

There is also a SPECIAL section. The "Gay/Homosexual" lounge. This is where women can gossip about what men they think are gay. You guys know that is the fastest way to break up a good thing and share some grief. Make up lies about who's gay. There will be some Gay experts in the house as well. Gay lies expert, Malcolm Wiggles will be there to explain to the ladies how to make up lies to your friends with the best boyfriends about them being gay.

So Im sure there is something here for you if you are a UG MUG. To sign up go to http://www.onyourhead.com or call (301) 455-3534 and ask for Stacy McDaniels. Once you are registered, you will receive a confirmation number. Dont be alarmed if the confirmation is on an old Dairy Queen receipt........they are short on funds this years. The website will give you more info BUT, NO PICTURES. The ladies are too horrible for that. So if you look like a beat up highway in the face and your body is shaped like an Oldsmobile....or you are just sick of others being happy........LADIES 5/19 - 5/21/05..........you know where you need to be

Monday, May 16, 2005

Sal's Corner

Momma always told you....."BOY its time to GET RIGHT". Im not ya momma, ya daddy or top flight security of the world...........but Im some'n like it. And it's time yall. Time to "GET RIGHT". I was always told, dont "half-step" it. Go all out. Get it done. Start it, Finish it and look back at the good job you've done. We halfway doing things. Let's get it done people. It's time to "GET RIGHT"

GRANDMOTHERS - Stop spoiling the kids. AND then calling your daughter's house all times of the night making sure she gave Dontrell a bath. Making sure he got lunch tomorrow for school. Like Tangy gonna forget to feed him if you dont call. Let that girl be a mother. Just GET RIGHT and stop spoiling that child making it hard for your daughter.

MARRIAGE - You been wit her for 13 years Leroy. Go on and marry her. You ought to be ashamed of yourself tellin' folks at da job that you and Earline are married. You keep on saying "My wife this" and "My wife that". That's not your wife! Get down to that chapel and say them two words and sign that paper. You too old to have a GIRLFRIEND.

DEGREE - Go on and get that Diploma, Degree or whatever. I mean if you dropped out after the first year.....cool. But all you niggas who got ALL but one class or 15 credits.......come on man.......let's get that last leg done. Everytime I see you niggas....."yeah man got 12 more credits left.....I might register for classes this fall". GET IN THERE and GET RIGHT

TIPPING - This is a VERY interesting topic. Some say leave $5, some say 15-20%. I say Leave what you want.......and if not......JUST LEAVE. I dont pay these people's salaries. So dont PRESS me for a tip. Now I tip good. But I will not be handled like a victim of the Mafia for my 15%. Now some people DEFEND waiters/waitresses to the DEATH. Maybe their mom is one. Maybe once they were one. Dont take this personal......but yo' mamma aint getting rich off me. PERIOD. If I leave $20 and he serve 10-20 tables and she get an average of $10-20 per table..........SHE will get $200 or MORE. I DONT EVEN MAKE $200 a day! Now my whole point to putting this in "GET RIGHT" is to say.......if you tip the waiter.....why not tip those who REALLY need tips. How bout the man drunk who watches your car outside the liquor/corner store? The Mail Man who brings all those coupons and your check stub? What about the bus driver who waited on you when you couldnt have breathe running down the street to chase the bus? How bout the DOPE MAN on the corner?.........YES.......I SAID IT.....the DOPE MAN. Some of yall argue up and down how we should tip big at restaurants but you wanna $20 BAG for $17. This nigga could DIE on the street so you can get HIGH yet you think the nigga who brings out your OMELETE should get a tip????????? Where are your priorities? GET RIGHT. Dont get me wrong, I tips good but yall the same people who say "These workers only get paid $2 an hour" they depend on tips but you burn your favorite singers' CD's. THEY dont have a salary. They depend on sales. And yall running around with all these bootleg Madea tapes. Yall ought to be ashamed talking bout "YOU GOTTA TIP". GET RIGHT

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Obituaries for MAY 2005
By Salvador Gabor

Lester "Big Man" Wilkerson was laid to rest on May 7th, 2005. He leaves to mourn his brown slacks, leather vests, Rick James' CD's and his trusty DRIVING GLOVES for his 1986 190 C-Class Benz. See Lester didn't really die, he just committed to a serious relationship with his longtime lover, Valerie. Valerie along with "Big Man's" oldest daughter from his first marriage with Susie combined to get him to drop them 1980's tactics he was using to be a "PLAYA". They have vowed to change him into a man of the 21st Century and take him away from his "Bow-Legged Lou" antics.

Lester was once a staple in the "CHINESE COLLAR COMMUNITY". He would break out a chinese collar shirt and a vest in a HEARTBEAT. An avid patron of BYOL cabarets, his bringing liquor into establishments went overboard when he brought some E&J into the church service on New Year's Eve with Val, his girlfriend. She took action and vowed to change him.

Lester was also an active member of the "DRIVING GLOVES UNITED ASSOCIATION". Val could no longer take the sight of those raggedy holey gloves Lester would use on dates with her. He was a member of this society for about 18 years. Along with his resignation, he turned in all of his Eric B & Rakim tapes. To ensure he would not slide back into the society, the 190 Benz was equiped with a CD player and the tape deck was destroyed.

Valerie is now in the process of car shopping for Lester. He wanted an SUV and she agreed. He is looking for a Ford Bronco but a Land Rover is more of what Val wants for him.

Ladies, if your man too needs to be brought out of 1986, Valerie McDaniel can help you. She has just started her own company.........UpdateABrother.com. Check her out. She can give you tips on how to sway your man out of those Sergio Sweatsuits and those Gold Framed glasses in 2005. Call her @ 301-455-3534. Ask for DonBay if Val aint there.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Belly Button Focus Group
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

As the nice weather makes it way upon us like pint of fart propelled by Grandma's old peas, it is pertinent that we are cognizant to those things that I tell you to be cognizant about. You can do as I say or keep thinking that cool mist from the trees aint squirrel piss. This being said the Belly Button Focus Group is a meeting of the minds that plans seasonal changes and notifys the masses of Black Nature's stop signs, yieldings, crosswalks and things of that sort.

One thing to look for as Black Nature removes that triple-fat goose for a mini-skirt, is dirty old men. They are out there, sucking their teeth, fondling toothpicks with their tongues, and grunting at all females bearing skin.

The Belly Button Focus Group would also like to bring attention to these New York Fried Chicken establishments. Why is it a New York Fried Chicken, and not North Carolina Fried Chicken. There is more than meets the eye. Aint no Chinese woman frying up better chicken wings than a black woman named Mable. There is something more to these fried factions, and they will be under indictment with a more leanient bureau of bunk aptitude.

The Belly Button Focus Group is also doing a study on those brothers who get those outdated haircuts. There is a nature trail that follows such outrageous decisions on style and character, and someone told them it was cute. These dudes still wearing these fatbacks, ducktails, and pompadoors are really setting a standard for the bammas of the world. They are committing bamma-genocide with these actions. This is much worse than any purple or burgundy 4-piece suit, but these haircuts and stylings are killing off these new aged bammas and really establishing a bamma-ful standard thus eliminating that lower tier of bammas trying to break into the Bamma Brotherhood with those snug green sweatpants.

Please stay tuned for more social-scientific notices from the Belly Button Focus Group, where with go with our gut, after first consulting our under-brow. Some great men wear their underwear outdoors, and behind every great man is a great woman, keep your eyes peeled for taters.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Sal's Corner

2 2 2 2.......testing ONE TWO TWO TWO. Is this thing on? If so I got something to say. Listen up. Im not a person who is stereotypical but, I need to speak to a few groups of people. Im not racist, sexist or a bad person by any means. But by golly I gotta say something to some people. So if I had a chance to voice my opinion to ALL these people within these groups at once, then this is what I would say

HOMELESS PEOPLE: Sit down Nat. Let me talk to you for a brief moment. See Nat, I work. You don't. I make money, You don't. I wear nice clothes, you don't. I eat pretty well, you don't. And thats a bummer. BUT Nat. I pay bills, you don't. I get up at 7:00, you don't. I pay for my lunch, you don't. I pay taxes, you don't. See it takes money to make money. I spend money on my clothes, transportation and food. So the next time you see me walking down the street.........don't assume I have money to give to you. YES I have money....for MY lunch. I didn't think about NAT when I grabbed my lunch money off my dresser this morning. I don't eat for two and I don't pay for two. Now now Nat, don't get mad. I can "get you" sometimes.........SOME of the TIME. Not all the time. And I won't allow you to press me out in front of the Hot Bar downtown. "I KNOW you got some money". YES I DO Nat. But looka here, when you finally get up and shake that drunk leg off, we can get some money together.

MY CAUCASIAN NATION: Yes I have on a jacket/hat/sweater with a team name on it. NO I am NOT from Cincinnati just because I have the hat on. I am not from NY just because I have a Yankee Jacket on. And furthermore I might not even LIKE the team. I just LIKE to match. I wont limit my sporting gear to teams I like. And many other young people like myself just like to coordinate the fit, ya dig? So next time I'm in the elevator with you, "How bout dem Dodgers" might not catch my attention.

LADIES: He approached you. He tried to get your number. You rejected him. Now you see him again. You tap your friend. You tell her "That guy tried to talk to me". No.........he tried to SLEEP with you. Stop thinking every man LIKES you. It's cool to have confidence. But a man is gonna take his shot. And you were the basket he was tryna land in. It's like basketball. People cut down the nets, but they really take the RIM with them. He might keep your panties but, once he's done you're just another RIM he slam dunked. Im not tryna shoot you down, im tryna put some realistic ideas in your head. Dont fall head over heels in love with yourself to the point where the amount of guys you reject makes you feel better about you. A guy asks you for the time and you think he wanna marry you. Keep it light and just be glad a guy's attention was caught by you.

DRUNK PEOPLE: You dont have to tap me to talk. I hear you. Im just not looking at you because the combination of your breath and funny faces got me looking elsewhere. But for real homie, dont keep tappin' me. You slappin' a dent into my shoulder big dogg. And you talkin a BUNCH of nonsense.

FOREIGN ENTREPRENUERS: I.E. Carryout Owners, Seafood Restaurants in Malls, Small Mom & Pop (Madre & Padre) stores........GIVE ME MORE NAPKINS. Yall like to serve the spiciest foods, with all this sauce and you put ONE lil thin napkin in my bag. Food be greasy, saucy, spicy and all that and yall got the nerve to be stingy on the napkins. I aint NEVER been to a carryout and not had to ask for MORE napkins. And yall get a lil attitude when I ask. As if Im asking for another wing for free. I know yall might use yall hands in yall culture for all that but adjust. Adjust to our culture. PLEASE. I just dont wanna walk around without old bay sauce on my lip when people see me.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Friday, May 06, 2005

"Desperate Housewives"
By Salvador Gabor

I moved to a bad neighborhood. Well not too bad. But some of my neighbors are rough. Rough-minded, rough-talking, rough-acting. No, there aren't any shootouts or anything like that. But, for some strange reason, this neighborhood isn't what it's cracked up to be. When I moved here naturally, the women of the block greeted me. They welcomed me with open arms. Cakes, pies, cookies, muffins.....the whole "sha-bang". But for some reason I regret opening up to these ladies. They showed me a side of life I NEVER thought I would or should see.

The first lady I met was "MISUNDERSTANDING". She was the neighborhood candy lady. She sold all the lollipops, juices, snacks and so forth in the neighborhood. She had good products but, she wasn't a good businesswoman. She let the kids get food without paying her. She let them develop tabs on her behalf. Sometimes she owed the kids. I mean it was a mess. Not mention she didnt speak very good english. So half the time no one knew what she was saying. I try to stay away from her now.

Then I met "MISCHIEF". She was the neighborhood whore. EVERYBODY wanted to get IN her. One of the older neighbors told me "All these young boys LOVE to get into some "MISCHIEF". I can't lie.....Ive dreamed about her. And on some late nights Ive wanted to knock on her door. She is a beautiful lady. Sultry, sexy and seductive. But I have to fight to stay clear of her. All the guys who lay with her end up locked up or dead. She has a way or dragging the worst out of the guys in the neighborhood. I was told she likes young guys. She wears em out till they are about 35-40. Then she lets em go. But they can't let her go. And she's always looking for some young boy to "give it to".

I've always wanted a BAD GIRL. That was until I met "MISBEHAVING". She is a BAD girl if I've ever seen one. "MISBEHAVING" is one of the younger ladies on the block. She gets her thrills from "MISCHIEF". She was taught to be the way she is from a VERY young age. She grew up in the neighborhood, got married and moved back. She's the type that wants to go outta town. She dont even want you to RENT a car. She wants you to STEAL one. She loves the racy feel that doing wrong brings. She is a staple in the community. Whenever a young girl acts up.......the mothers usually say "Girl you out here MISBEHAVING". You dont hear mothers telling their daughters "You out here MISS JONES'n" or "You around here MISS JACKSON'n" so you know "MISBEHAVING" is a bad mamma jamma.

There is ONE interesting house in the neighborhood. Two ladies live there. They are sisters. "MISLEAD" and "MISREAD" are their names. Now "MISLEAD" is usually thrown off by what "MISREAD" says about other people. "MISREAD" will walk the streets and talk. She will gather the wrong information and come back and tell "MISLEAD" about it all. But its ALL wrong info. "MISREAD" told "MISLEAD" that the meet & greet was on Sunday at 2:00 when it was on Saturday at 12:00.

But I met the worst one of all is "MISTAKE". She's the person that when you walk pass and she talks you to death. And you wish you never walked down that side of the street. She's the one who asks "How many more years you got in the College?" and you've been done for 4 years. She's the one that WON'T let you walk to the store without some conversation that will last for hours. You try not to even put your foot on her steps or hand on her rails. You try to make uncomfortable stances like you have to leave but "MISTAKE" doesnt care. You're the only one that will be walking by for the day so you will catch all the talk she has for the day

This is my neighborhood. I love it but I hate it. It always begins and ends the same. It started with a "MISUNDERSTANDING" then a little bit of "MISCHIEF". Then some "MISBEHAVING". That leads to something being "MISREAD" and you are "MISLEAD" and then a "MISTAKE" is made.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Thursday, May 05, 2005

"Ya Style's Played Out"
By Salvador Gabor

It's hard being a brother named Kwame these days. Either you got on old Polka Dots or you got a broken Jump-Shot. At best you might get to hang with Donald Trump. But, you'll lose you life and wife in the process. These days Kwame aint the best person to be. The following is a PORTION of the definition of the name Kwame according to http://www.kalabarians.com

"Although the name Kwame creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, it can cause an unscrupulous, materialistic approach that frustrates higher humanitarian qualities. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the reproductive system, worry, and mental tension."

Notice anything? The word "FRUSTRATION" appears a few times within that definition. Frustration isnt the WORD to describe the biggest KWAME in Washington, D.C. Kwame Brown was a phenom destined for success in the Chocolate City. He ran into a few bumps. One tire got flat, two tires for flat.........eventually ALL the tires flattened and he was "riding on rims". With all that money that was a pretty set of rims griding against the concrete. And he KEPT pushing. Until the ground gave out and that SUV of a career halted in the middle of the street. Who's to say he wont get it cranked back up with new wheels but, for now its in the middle of the street with the hazards on.

Kwame Brown is a country boy. A country boy in a Big City. And to he honest he is 7'0" but his mental growth has been stunted. It takes alot to go from dirt roads to playing with Michael Jordan. AND then not only to play with him but to be a #1 pick chosen by Jordan and to have Jordan feel the pressure because he picked you. This isnt X-Box. MJ couldnt pick up a controller and MAKE Kwame into a good player. There is no "enhancement screen" where you can change players attributes. He's human. He makes mistakes. BUT, he also is an investment. Not a day goes by that executives dont demand ALL of a player's effort from them. You don't get a lucrative salary for what you've accomplished. You get that for what you WILL do in the future. And maybe that's what went wrong. The Wizards looked too far into the future. Shane Battier, a 4-year collegiate player who entered into that same 2001 Draft, who seemed to fit in the NBA scheme alot quicker would have been better. Maybe the strong possibility of trading for Elton Brand that same year would have been a better option. Maybe trading down and getting another player could have been better.

If if's were a 5th........we'd all be drunk. And please let me know if you want more CHEESE with that WHINE. DC, your team is IN the playoffs. Approaching the 2nd Round for that matter. Who cares if Kwame leaves. No disrespect to the guy but they've done well without em. Who cares if he was a #1 pick and you don't want to accept a #2 for him. He could fall in the Potomac for all Eddie Jordan cares. Be happy that after this season you wont have to worry about "ifs" anymore. Cause Kwame wont be one of the frontcourt players. So I guess he's NOT........Oneovdabigboiz

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

"Heavy Elevation"
By Salvador Gabor

Where are my big girls at? Where are my husky dudes at? I need to speak to yall right quick. I think we need to get together as a people. We need to voice our opinion. We need to speak out. And let this people know........WE LIKE TO GET "FLY" TOO.

"Fly" is a state of mind that is enhanced with how we look and where we are. "Fly" is linen outfits on the smooth sand beaches of Florida, Jamaica, California, Mexico, Greece and so forth. "Fly" is designer jeans and nice shirts at a restaurant with a jacket to go along with the ensemble on a cool summer evening. "Fly" is just.........."FLY". Your shoulders move when the word "Fly" is said. But why can't we get "fly" too?

It's a shame.........a few days ago I went inside of what is "SUPPOSED" to be a Men's Section of a clothing store. But I thought I was in the wrong section. The highest waist was a 33????? The length of the jeans were a 29 to 30????? Is this a pee-wee section or a MEN'S SECTION. If you expect a MAN to wear a 33 waist and a 29 length, you must have forgot one thing when you made that jean. We have a body part called..........testicles. And although they dont have their own lungs, they need to breathe. And once again I ask, why cant we get "fly" too?

Then you know as I think about getting "fly", I think back to places where "fly" people flock. As I stated earlier....Florida, Jamaica, California, Mexico, Greece and so forth are "fly" places for "fly" people. And I aint walking to Cancun so I gotta "FLY" to get there. But not in them slim seats. Horse Jockeys aint the only people traveling. Thats just a tidbit for Airlines. Forget them three sections across the plane...........make TWO sections and widen the seats.

I know what you are saying.........them out of shape people need to just lose weight. No them little people need to stop taking them XXL's items go to Kids R Us for your fits. And you'd think that stores would get the idea. There are NEVER any size 38 and 40 jeans left in the store. Maybe they're buying those out the store. Maybe no one wears a 33/29 jean. And maybe just maybe we should stock some more larger jeans. And furthermore, I'd ride in a trunk to Jamaica if I wanted to be UNCOMFORTABLE. You got big Glenda buying 2 tickets for a one woman trip cause her hips are too wide. Its a shame. Let Glenda get "fly". Let Big Steve at the Fish House get "fly". Let Uncle Bubba who can only wear sweats cause he cant find no jeans, get "fly". Let them peoples do them.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

By Salvador Gabor

Attention: ALL African American Executive Employees.........The "Keep it Hood" Movement of America presents the First Annual "TAKE YOUR NIGGER TO WORK DAY", this Friday May 6th, 2005.

This announcement comes as a result of many African-American Executives acting as if they dont still have some "hood" in them. We want to invite these wealthy African-American people to expose themselves.......their REAL selves to their white counterparts. YES, bring your most NIGGERISH child/auntie/neighbor and/or friend that you have to work. It could even be your spouse for all we know. Show the caucasian comrads at work that you too speak slang. You too get drunk and play spades all night on Saturdays. You too enjoy Watermelon and Sunflower Seeds on a Sunny Day. Show your co-workers and colleagues that random niggerish people still sleep on your couch and ask for money.

SO come one come all.........calling all Niggers. Expose your "wanna be preppie" African-American Executives for a one day event of Niggery

Monday, May 02, 2005

Sal's Corner
"Monkey Vision"

Monkey See........Monkey Do. That's been the motto for years for people who follow the trends. And honestly.........everybody that involves themselves in activities that are popular at the moment are following a wave, they really have an independent passion for that area but some ARE really riding a wave. So today we will discuss things that EVERYBODY seems to be doing.

REAL ESTATE - Everybody gotta real estate license now. What's that about? Everytime you talk to somebody........"Yeah I got my Real Estate License". Ok thats good but I just got one question........how many people can sell houses in ONE city. People keep telling me that Real Estate is where it's at but sometimes I wonder. In a city like DC for example, it aint but SO many houses on Sale a day. Sure there are ALOT of houses on Sale but........its WAY more people with Licenses.

CHEFS ON THE GRILL - Everybody sware they can cook out. "Hand me that grill, lemme show you". WOW you know when to flip a burger and look to see when its nice and brown and take it off the grill????????? That takes ALOT of skill. Ive been to a miyon....yes a MIYON not Million but a MIYON cookouts and for the most part its the same result........good burgers. You cant miss on the grill unless the food is just COLD when you finally get to it.

RAPPERS - Everybody is rapping now. "Yeah you know Im in the studio now". Im bout to start rappin. Thats it.........I mean Ive had enough. EVERYBODY is rappin now. Its crazy but its true. My name is gonna be MC Not-Again. Cause everytime you hear my song you gonna say "Not-Again".

BEING GAY - Let the sistas tell it.......EVERY MAN is GAY. Yall need to stop that. Like ASAP. Just cause he aint tryna lay with you dont mean he gay. We DO pass up on opportunities as well. Notice, it dont never be a DIME saying guys are gay. Its big Martha that live upstairs with the Weezing problem that thinks all the guys in the building are gay cause they dont like her. Get a grip, better yet UNGRIP that chicken wing.

GETTING MARRIED - Attention people, keep your significant other from weddings if you dont wanna get married. Not only will it put ideas in their heads....it will get the ball rolling. Fellas you at the reception in the corner getting your head rapped off by some dude telling you he into real estate and he giving you his card and your girl is talking to the wedding planner. Keep your eye on her. And for the next 35 years you gonna be saying "I Do". "Baby who has my purse"........."I Do". "Baby who washes my car when it gets dirty".........."I Do". "Who watches these kids while I go to the salon"............."I Do".