Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Sal's Corner

These questions may not be of concern to you.......but I gotta get a few things off my chest. Let me get my vent on...........JUST for a minute

10) WHATS BEEN UP? - Man dont ask me that. Please. When you see me at the cookouts, just say whats up. Or "where you get them shoes from?" or something like that. Cause "Whats been up?" is gonna lead to a "Nothing much.....working" response. And if we really aint tight, its gonna be some air in the convo and eventually we are gonna both walk our separate ways. You to the spades table.......and me to the grill

9) WHAT YOU BEEN EATING? - That's the question you ask to yourself when you see that woman in them short shorts that you thought was skinny. My how she surprised you. It could be the one on birth control thats 18 but is bigger than her momma. Them coats been covering up ALOT this winter

8) WHATS UP FOR THE WEEKEND? - If you ALWAYS ASKING that question and NEVER ANSWERING that question, there is a problem. Work within for a resolution

7) WHERE YOU BEEN AT? - NO....Where YOU been at? Last I checked I aint on probation, my momma dont ask where im at and I get to work on time everyday so shouldnt nobody be looking for me.

6) WEALTH & REPRODUCTIVITY? - Ive had a question burning on my heart for about a year now. And I hope by summer's end, I can get this resolved within. Now, do poor people have higher sperm count or does having kids make you poor? I've ALWAYS wondered about this! Why is it that poor people have like 8 kids in an apartment but rich families have MAYBE 2-3 kids? NOW Im not spoofing poor people. Im not rich by any means but it boggles my mind! Is it the sperm count? Does touching large amounts of money lower your count? Somebody email me.

5) WHERE YOU GET THAT CAKE FROM? - Cooks, grillers, hosts.......make enough of EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY at the cookout this summer. Dont have the pound cake in abundance and then ONE sheet of Strawberry Shortcake. That aint right. For real. Its ALWAYS a nigga walking out the sliding door onto the patio with some EXCLUSIVE dessert. It aint no fun if the homies dont have none

4) DO YOU HAVE KIDS? - People who have kids........expect EVERYONE else to have kids. Just because I have a pain in my knee dont mean EVERYBODY got knee braces on too? People act like if you don't have a kid its amazing.

3) HOW MUCH DID THOSE COST? - When it gets HOT outside people have an opportunity to observe your wardrobe a lil more. They can analyze more than in the winter. When its cold, you thinking about getting to the NEAREST vehicle. But in the summer everybody wanna see what you got on. So then people ask "HOW much did those cost"? And really if you paid too much for an item you will lower the price. Your 55 year old aunt dont have to know you paid $200 for some tennis shoes so you say $85. BUT SHE STILL get a heart attack. OR you might have $30 for some SERIOUS lowkey shoes but you want EVERYONE to think they are expensive so they wont go out and get em. So you say $175. Or what about this "Yeah I paid something slight for em"? When someone responds with that phrase, leave em alone. THEY JUST don't want you to know.

2) DO YOU PLAY SPADES? *shaking my head* Niggers........you gotta love em

1) HOW MUCH DO THAT CHIN LIFT? This is for ALL you "Fake cock-strong tanktop and tims wearing extra in a destiny's child video I was a background dancer for Da Brat" type dudes. The ones who think them muscles stop bullets. Or the ones that think they can fight ANY and EVERYBODY cause they benchpress 250 lbs. Lemme pose to you a question........."Dog how much that CHIN lift?". Thats the ONLY muscle you need to worry about being strong aight playboy! A former boxer told me this one time. And every since i've taken it as the gospel. If your chin is wobbly, it's gonna take EVERY muscle in that body to reach down and pick up your teeth. Im tired of you dudes faking in these "Wife Beaters" like you doing something. I drink sodas and I eat pizza and I look a mess in a Tank Top but im still sexy!