Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Sal's Corner

These questions may not be of concern to you.......but I gotta get a few things off my chest. Let me get my vent on...........JUST for a minute

10) WHATS BEEN UP? - Man dont ask me that. Please. When you see me at the cookouts, just say whats up. Or "where you get them shoes from?" or something like that. Cause "Whats been up?" is gonna lead to a "Nothing much.....working" response. And if we really aint tight, its gonna be some air in the convo and eventually we are gonna both walk our separate ways. You to the spades table.......and me to the grill

9) WHAT YOU BEEN EATING? - That's the question you ask to yourself when you see that woman in them short shorts that you thought was skinny. My how she surprised you. It could be the one on birth control thats 18 but is bigger than her momma. Them coats been covering up ALOT this winter

8) WHATS UP FOR THE WEEKEND? - If you ALWAYS ASKING that question and NEVER ANSWERING that question, there is a problem. Work within for a resolution

7) WHERE YOU BEEN AT? - NO....Where YOU been at? Last I checked I aint on probation, my momma dont ask where im at and I get to work on time everyday so shouldnt nobody be looking for me.

6) WEALTH & REPRODUCTIVITY? - Ive had a question burning on my heart for about a year now. And I hope by summer's end, I can get this resolved within. Now, do poor people have higher sperm count or does having kids make you poor? I've ALWAYS wondered about this! Why is it that poor people have like 8 kids in an apartment but rich families have MAYBE 2-3 kids? NOW Im not spoofing poor people. Im not rich by any means but it boggles my mind! Is it the sperm count? Does touching large amounts of money lower your count? Somebody email me.

5) WHERE YOU GET THAT CAKE FROM? - Cooks, grillers, hosts.......make enough of EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY at the cookout this summer. Dont have the pound cake in abundance and then ONE sheet of Strawberry Shortcake. That aint right. For real. Its ALWAYS a nigga walking out the sliding door onto the patio with some EXCLUSIVE dessert. It aint no fun if the homies dont have none

4) DO YOU HAVE KIDS? - People who have kids........expect EVERYONE else to have kids. Just because I have a pain in my knee dont mean EVERYBODY got knee braces on too? People act like if you don't have a kid its amazing.

3) HOW MUCH DID THOSE COST? - When it gets HOT outside people have an opportunity to observe your wardrobe a lil more. They can analyze more than in the winter. When its cold, you thinking about getting to the NEAREST vehicle. But in the summer everybody wanna see what you got on. So then people ask "HOW much did those cost"? And really if you paid too much for an item you will lower the price. Your 55 year old aunt dont have to know you paid $200 for some tennis shoes so you say $85. BUT SHE STILL get a heart attack. OR you might have $30 for some SERIOUS lowkey shoes but you want EVERYONE to think they are expensive so they wont go out and get em. So you say $175. Or what about this "Yeah I paid something slight for em"? When someone responds with that phrase, leave em alone. THEY JUST don't want you to know.

2) DO YOU PLAY SPADES? *shaking my head* Niggers........you gotta love em

1) HOW MUCH DO THAT CHIN LIFT? This is for ALL you "Fake cock-strong tanktop and tims wearing extra in a destiny's child video I was a background dancer for Da Brat" type dudes. The ones who think them muscles stop bullets. Or the ones that think they can fight ANY and EVERYBODY cause they benchpress 250 lbs. Lemme pose to you a question........."Dog how much that CHIN lift?". Thats the ONLY muscle you need to worry about being strong aight playboy! A former boxer told me this one time. And every since i've taken it as the gospel. If your chin is wobbly, it's gonna take EVERY muscle in that body to reach down and pick up your teeth. Im tired of you dudes faking in these "Wife Beaters" like you doing something. I drink sodas and I eat pizza and I look a mess in a Tank Top but im still sexy!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

By Salvador Gabor

I fell in love. Yes.....again. Seems like Ive known this girl ALL my life. Well, I actually have. She was my first female friend. And I grew to love her. We were off and on. She says I left her. I say she dumped me. Does it matter? We are back together now so that's all that counts. I had to write this down cause I really feel a certain way about her. I love how she makes me feel. When Im with her, I can do no wrong. She guides my decisions. She guides my thoughts, my words, my expressions. She is how I maintain my life.

As I said I met her as a child. She knew I wasn't ready for a relationship but she stood by me. And the funniest thing is........WHEN I WAS READY for a relationship, she was the last woman I sought after. It seemed as if the lady I was dealing with lead me to go AGAINST "My first love". I couldnt blame the woman, for she probably didnt KNOW "My First Love". But her actions made me leave "My First Love".

Soon after the relationship ended.........who did I seek.......none other than "My First Love". She waited for me. It took my friends telling me that SHE is the one for me to understand. They said it in a harsh manner so I think I didn't pay them much attention. "We dont love them hoes....just keep her around". "She's the ONLY one for you". "Them other girls will drive you AWAY from her". And THAT they did.

And now 25 years later, I NOW know SHE is the one for me. I was always told that when you have a girlfriend, you have to fight the women off. And I find that to be true. Cause there are a few that want me now. But they have to take a back seat to my WOMAN. Im not a BIGAMIST but..........if you wanna be involved with me....ladies know that I have a woman already........and her name is "SANITY"

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Sal's Corner

I know everyone wants to work and develop careers. And I am here to help you. YES, at a small fee of just reading this article, I can put you where you need to be. The following occupations aren't for you unless you REALLY insist. But if you arent sure and you are JUST thinking about getting into these industries, let me be the negative friend in the situation and give you my uninformed, unwarranted and unknowing opinion.

Public School Football Coach - IM ALL ABOUT helping the kids out. I really am. But this industry is TOUGH in a big city. If you live in Texas, you might be able to pull it off. BUT in a major city, at a public school..........I doubt it. First off, you're not gonna have but 22 players TOTAL. About 3 of them aint gonna have the grades. Now you got 19 players. 2 of em aint gonna be able to fit the uniforms so they gonna be out there with the helmet on but some size 61 sweatpants. 10 of them 19 players HAVE NEVER played before. Thats only 9 good players left. 3 of em gonna get hurt. Now we at 6. 2 will get suspended for fighting. Thats now a grand total of 4. I hate to be cruel but 1 player is gonna get killed. That leaves us at 3. One of the 3 is some dude that cant play but all he can do is kick. So now you got 2 players left and all you can do is tell one to hand the ball off to the other. It's a shame though. All the talented kids are in the stands. Either that or they'd rather played Jr. Varsity for 4 years at a Catholic School competing with 200 kids for 50 spots when they have a spot already at Malcolm X HS

Meter Maids - Why do they have to get cussed out? Why do THEY have to wear the small shorts with the hot vest on and the strap hat? I think the chief of police needs to be out there writing tickets in these cities across the country. I would be the most unproductive meter maid in the history of metermaidism. How you gonna mess somebody budget up like that. They get paid on Friday and they already $75 in the hole cause you out here writing tickets.

Black Actors - YES this can be a terrible industry for African-American actors in 2005. There are several problems. One being, rappers are taking the actors' jobs. Well you cant fault the rapper. All the acting school in the world cant get you a job for a violent movie over a former drug dealer who actually lived the life you studied. Secondly, the same Black Actors get roles for about 24-30 months then they phase out. There was one point where you couldnt go to a movie without seeing a preview for a movie starring Morris Chestnut and/or Shemar Moore. Now its Jamie Foxx and Nick Cannon's go-round. And more than anything else, look at the roles and movies we are playing in. The next movie that comes out is bound to be about some old man who cuts his grandkids' hair and shapes their fades up with bowls.

Drug Dealers - This USED to be a lucrative environment for young men in the 80's and early to mid 90's. Now its dry. Some guys dont make more than you do on your two-week check. And yeah they dont get taxed but all the drinks and weed you need to stay outside all day is tax enough. Then there are no benefits in drug dealing. No insurance or pension plans. No days off with pay. You duck and dodge police. And everything is in TeKeisha's name so you short out of luck if you go in the jail.

Priests - This is a tough industry. The obvious reasons are 1) you cant get married 2) That means no sex 3) You live in a house with a bunch of women who walk around like they have a comforter on them at all times and you cant do anything with them. But besides that you gotta sit here in a booth the size of a Porta-John an listen to people tell you what they did and then you gotta go to GOD for them to ask for forgiveness. I mean, if I was a priest, I would tell people "Look man, just ask him yourself". How do priests remember ALL those requests to God. I know I have a hard time taking orders for McDonald's runs or Carry-Out runs. Im quick to tell you "RIDE WITH ME or go yourself and pick up your food". So I KNOW a million and one prayer requests are tough. I dont need them praying for me. They might mess my order up. "I asked for Two SUV's with a Three Car Garage........not two Mini Coopers and a Handicap sticker"

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Friday, April 08, 2005

By Salvador Gabor

"Shuck & Jive" & The Unchained Bootery Band featuring Mamma Johnson presents "Michelob across the Globe". This is the most anticipated tour for liquor store dwellers, basement spades dwellers and brown sandle wearers across the southern states.

Mamma Johnson (pictured above) stated that she drunk so many Michelobs in her life that she was willing to do the tour for free. But Michelob insisted on paying her for her presence. They settled on $10,000, free wings and half price Michelobs at the "Dilly Dally" Club, which is a franchise that has a location close to her in Mississippi.

Not to be forgotten, "Shuck & Jive and the Unchained Bootery" will blow the roof off of many arenas on this tour. Just dont feed them boys Egg Salad. They will have the dressing room smelling like a Colon Cancer Waiting Room.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

"God Gave us 10 Fingers"
By Salvador Gabor

You know .... your hands are one of the most valuable assets on your body. Hands are one of the parts of the body that are synonymous with "control". To grip something. To grab something. To hold something. To claim something. All of these things can be done with the use of your hands. Within the makeup of your hands are the fingers. These are the claws that are helpful in controlling the item "at hand" (No pun intended). But I believe that without the fingers, the hands are almost defunct. The fingers are NEEDED to help the process of "control".

God gave us 10 fingers. He did this so when we point one at another person and put fault on them, we can have 3 fingers pointing back at us. Not to blame us but as a reminder, if I ever go into a situation WITH someone and it goes wrong because of them, I should be 3 times as mad at myself for not taking "control" of the situation. It's good to work with others but, always be aware that your name will be dragged in the dirt EVEN if it's their fault.

God gave us 10 fingers. He did this so when we try to grab more than what 10 fingers can hold, everything drops. Its no need to hold big things. It's the little things that count. Someone giving you $1,000 may mean alot but, someone speaking to you on a bad day is priceless. Someone saying they love you in a crowd may mean alot but, someone showing you they love you and it just so happens that there is no crowd is priceless. On the other "hand" (no pun intended)....... items that bother you that are too large to change have to be dropped. The small problems are the ones you have to attack. You may have been born without a father, you can't change that. You were born short, or fat or skinny or blind or deaf..........these aren't in your "hands" (yall know the deal by now)...... you play the "hand" (aight yall) that you are dealt. But issues regarding you, your attitude, you focus on life and how you treat others can be dealt with.

God gave us 10 fingers. He also separated those fingers. He did this so we could let the dirt go through. Anything that wont fit into your hands, aint made for your hands. You cant grab air. You cant keep water or DIRT in your hands. It will leak through. If you hear bad information, let it go in one ear and out the other. The funniest thing is, people wont try something because someone else said its not good. But they are the same people who wear the funny looking shirts and shoes and you disregard them THEN but, you listen to them when they say a movie, play, city or other form of entertainment is not worth going to see.

God gave us 10 fingers. Those 10 fingers are on 2 hands. And most of us tend to be stronger with one hand more than the other. You go with your stronger part. Meaning, in life there are forks in the road. You go with the stronger feeling inside. You tend to lean one way in most cases. The key is knowing which way you ought to be leaning. Left-handers dont pick up the pen with the right hand. Right handers dont shoot with the left. You KNOW what hand to use. So just KNOW what side you need to lean on in life

God gave us 10 fingers. He did that so we could count the friends that we have. Im not one to rely on alot of people. I dont like to lean on folk at all when Im "jammed up". If you cant pick me up, I really can walk home. If you can't stay, I'll be aight all by myself. I like the people Im around for entertainment purposes. We have fun but, at the same time, things change. Characteristics are revealed. And you see people for the truth within them. You will meet, greet, and "chop it up" with LOTS of people. It may last for a season, a reason or end up in treason but, all in all only a few will last.

God gave us 10 fingers. He did that so when we ball up our fists and put them together, it means power. Remember the fingers are separated, so it takes effort to put them together. And when we clinch them, we MEAN bidness!

God gave us 10 fingers. He did that so we can SLAP THE LIVING MESS OUTTA PEOPLE. Dont ask me why, I might just SLAP YOU.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

"Highway to Heaven"
By Salvador Gabor

The Highway to Heaven. Its a road often traveled. Some fall off the road. Some make it through. Some are hitch-hiking. I dont mean this from a spiritual standpoint. The Highway to Heaven is just the road people take in general to be successful. The road can be bumpy. The road can be long. Your travel can seem like a never-ending trip.

You gotta know your way around the highways of life. Get your maps out. Or just go off of recall if you've been near this road before. But what seems to amaze me is that in THIS day and age, many of us are paying TOLLS just to travel. I never understood how you have to PAY to drive on a public road. Success, Peace and Happiness are mental states that you should be able to attain freely. Of course you always pay a price. Gas for your "car", as in motivation. Maintenance of your "car", as in staying healthy. Maybe some CD's and a friend who is willing to ride, only if they wanna go on the same path. And of course peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and generic brand sodas to snack on along the way. But how can you tell me I have to PAY to put my tires on the road?

In African-American history there has been many "Tolls" set up on the road to success. There are business schemes, organizations and EVEN some churches and leaders of these establishments who serve as "TOLLS" on your road. "You wanna be successful........PAY ME". Since the abolishment of slavery in the late 1800's, we as African-Americans have looked to leaders to guide our various movements. Whether it's been spiritually, politically, in business or down any avenue of life, we've relied on leaders of our community to step forward on our behalf. Organizations, churches and "societies" within our society as a whole have decided for us what our path will be. It seems as if we have gotten away from everyone traveling this highway of life on the same level to one man being better or ranked higher than another. And the man with the highest rank playing the role of "toll booth".

When going back to the early days after slavery, you have to realize that you are dealing with a group of people who had been used to two things. Hierarchy and the Ultimate Human Leadership. We as blacks were treated as second class citizens. We're werent even considered human during slavery. And afterwards we were not even 70% human in the eyes of the courts for quite some time. So we were used to being in an inferior mind state. But during the "Jim Crow" time period in the the early stages of the 20th Century, many African-American churches, fraternities, sororities and politically based organizations came about. The leaders of these establishments gave black folk a reason to be proud. A reason to demand respect. And a reason to BELIEVE. And in ALOT of cases that belief had to be PAID for. See...freedom is not a person. Peace is not a person. Happiness is not a person. So why PRAISE a person? Well for many of those people in the EARLY days of post-slavery may have felt a need to praise a man/women brave enough to speak out on issues that others were scared of touching on. Maybe they were comfortable in their inferior state and this new wave of braveness was in need of being commended? But, there are plenty of examples throughout the last 100 plus years where this "acknowledgement" of PEOPLE has gotten out of hand. Many church members serve the MAN who delivers the message and not the GOD who they should serve. Many organizations go overboard with praise of a common man or woman. It's common thing in our society. The person in power gets in over their head with this adoration and then they demand more and more love and attention. And the people give it because they feel a sense of need.......to FOLLOW.

I'm NOT one to encourage people NOT to fall in line with leadership. I actually think leadership is lacked in our community. We as African-Americans have always had a leader to look to in the past generations. NOW, we dont! People are afraid now to annoint some SINGLE person with the power to lead us. Afraid of having to pay a "Toll". Afraid of having someone mistake themselves for GOD instead of leading us to God. And the people who follow never change for the better.

Its funny how you ride on certain roads and you pay a "toll" but they never seem to give you a map in return

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Monday, April 04, 2005

Sal's Corner
"The Send-Off"

We all live our lives for the day that it's in. Some live in the past. Some prepare for tomorrow. EVEN if you prepare for your afterlife and know that it shall come, we never are quite ready for death. I can't speak for every culture but, in the African-American culture.......YOU may not be ready for your death but, many others are ready for yours. I don't say that in a bad manner. But, when we have death occur close to us, we do various traditional acts and celebrations to send off our fallen brethren. Many of us will never be famous or adored by the masses but, you'd think the Pope died when "Butch", "Ray", "Lil Don Don" or "Cletus" departs this world. The following are some of the things "we" do when our people die.

* Noise: First off.....TRUST and KNOW........we not letting our people die without having something to say, do or yell about. EVERYBODY wanna speak at the house, the church, and AFTER the whole process is done. It's always that ONE lady that feels like she gotta tell 100 stories about the passed on person. Then you got the niggers. Not Niggas........NIGGERS outside shooting in the air when someone dies. Cant EVER forget about them. Or the people who can't sing but claim the song is being sung in God's name so we gotta excuse them. Or the famous people who die and everybody gotta call into the radio station acting like they knew the dude.

* Limo: OH YES.........the only time we ride in style is when we lose a member. But we got to do it! I dont see why we all just cant drive to the place. Or rent a minvan. But.......we GOT to get a limo! It wouldnt be any other way!

* Liquor: OH yes, if you aint poppin nothing for the funeral it aint right. I dont care if the person that died didn't condone drinking. I dont care if the family don't condone it......... "Willie" or "Boo-Boo" is gonna slip in that funeral with a flask. It's gonna be some remy on some stank breaths in that service. And AFTER the funeral.........some of those who claim they dont drink is gonna get a lil "taste". It's always an excuse to "drank" when Mr. Williams was like a daddy to you. And everyone pours out liquor to the ground in memory cause if he were here he'd have his cup too. This drinks for you!

* Food: If you are on a diet, no need in going to ANY part of the funeral process for the week. Even if you say you not going to the repass, it's gonna be plenty of food at the house and at the church and EVERYwhere from the moment he/she dies until about a week after the funeral. People truly "put their foot in it" when it comes to funeral cooking. But sometimes..........they TRULY "PUT THEIR FOOT IN IT". Ive been to some repasses and I'd rather pass on the re. Just take me to McDonalds.

* Memorials: You know niggas..............gotta have the R.I.P. T Shirt ON at the funeral. The picture got the boy smoking weed on it. Now Mamma Diggs dont wanna see her grandbaby in that kinda way.....ESPECIALLY when Pastor Jenkins is sitting right there in the Pugh. Then you got the people who wanna put Teddy Bears on poles outside. Knowing good and well that bear is gonna be rank in about 3 days after all the rain and snow hit it.

Some of us never could live out the dreams we had as kids. So many times we die before our time or we wasted time on earth. Well our families see to it that we arent sent off without a Bang. If no one knows you.......they will after you die