Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Sal's Corner
"GOD is a WOMAN"

Disclaimer: Please note that The Salvador Gabor Project does not promote false doctrine nor does this site want to waiver anyone's belief in their spirituality. The following article is simply a lighter/comical look at what some of us believe in. Now on with the show!

YES YES I said it.........GOD is a WOMAN. I think we may have been off ALL these years. GOD has to be a WOMAN. There are certain things that you HAVE to know makes GOD a female. Let's look at a few

* GOD is a JEALOUS GOD - Isnt that what we always learned in church? God wants more of our time. The preacher always asks, "when are we gonna give GOD some ample time?". "Why dont we get on our knees more and spend some quality time with GOD?". Only a woman would MORE time from you. If God were a man, he wouldn't be trippin. "Yall can come see me when yall get ready" is more like a MAN type of GOD.

* OFFERING - You ever notice, the more time you spend around a woman, the more money you spend? GOD wants all this time from you. It's obviou SHE wants a serious relationship and in SERIOUS relationships you are gonna spend that bread. Offerings/Tithes become a ritual in this relationship.


* SUNDAYS - Church is always at 11:00 AM. You are lucky if your church has a 8:00 or 7:30 morning service but.........WHO wants to be up THAT early. Now if you are at the 11:00 AM service, you are missing the pre-game show. AND because church doesnt let out till 1:30, you've missed the 1st quarter of the game. AND LORD dont let your kid have to sing at the 3:30 service........its a DONE DEAL. ONLY a WOMAN would want to know you love her THAT much by competing for your time against the football game.

* PRAYER - For the most part, men believe in ONE strong convo a day. As long as we "chop it up" or just acknowledge each other for the day thats cool. But as spiritual beings, we are encouraged to pray throughout the day. Only a WOMAN would be behind that. It's like married people. Men, your wife JUST saw you this morning when yall woke up and she wanna talk to you as SOON as you get to work. BE MAD when you dont call either. And why you gotta get on your knees when you pray? I ask the same thing about proposing marriage to your woman.

* JESUS DYING ON THE CROSS - Had GOD been a man, he wouldn't have sent his son to die like that. Come on now.........He woulda said "Look JEE, just go down there for a few years, anybody blind, let em see. Anybody deaf, let em hear. Ya know.........heeal a few folks, save a few folks and come on back up." But MOTHERS will make you suffer in order to make a good person out of you and the others around you.

* SIN - The bible says "The Wages of Sin is Death". Meaning, you sin NOW but you will pay later. ONLY a WOMAN..............ONLY a WOMAN. See.......she'll let you joke around and mess up now and RIGHT when you think its sweet she'll bring 1994 when you had that lil fling with Valencia. Or back in '86 when you and Ricky stole that Camaro from Mr. Wiggins yard. YEAH you was just riding but YOU were there. It's 20 years later, why we still talking about that. I dont even hang with that nigga no more. A MAN GOD would punish you right then or just say "Man JUST dont do it again"

* MIRACLES - Woman are miracle workers. GOD was the one who gave Jesus the ability to turn water into wine. GOD was the one who enabled Jesus to feed the 5000 with the fish. Imagine a MAN being able to have them abilities? Imagine Jesus at the party right...........and they run outta wine. And Jesus had GOD's credit card. And GOD was a man. GOD woulda said, "Go to the store, and just put it on the card". But a WOMAN GOD.........."Look here Jesus, put that water in them wine bottles, bless the bottles and they'll never KNOW.". I mean to feed 5000 people with a little bit of fish is a WOMAN thing. WOMAN can have 3 kids and feed them off of one serving of food. I mean the scripture "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" is a MOTHER/WOMANLY type statement. If yo' MAMMA say you can do it........then you can do it. Mothers and women make you feel like it's nothing in the world that can stop you. In their eyes, NOTHING is wrong with you and you can do it ALL.

As a man I respect all women for what they go through. I wouldnt be surprised if GOD was really a WOMAN. I hope you all get to see one day for yourselves. "Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"