Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Sal's Corner

Everybody is afraid of something. Even if you say "I aint scared of nothing", chances are you're plain ole scared of being scared. It's nothing to be worried about. We are human. We have limitations and short comings. It's all about coming to grips with WHY we are afraid. I cant speak for any other cultures but us Black Folk are scared of EVERYTHING. We are supposed to be SO tough but we so soft at the same time. The following are some of the things we are afraid of

* Risks - If it aint stable, we aint with it. Plain and Simple. You can't even get a nigga to order something different at a restaurant when SOMEONE ELSE is paying for it. Gotta go back to the left side of the menu and order you some chicken wings. Maybe Chicken Tenders. "How bout dem Chicken Nuggets.........heard they pretty good here!". Niggers and their chicken. Boy oh Boy. Then we might try to jazz it up and get some General Tso's..........CHICKEN. We love some bird. But seriously, Ive seen many ideas get drowned in "Lake Criticism" because "Big Mamma" didnt think that was a good idea. "Boy you dont need to be no need to get you a regular job". "Right I can build me a Trailer RIGHT next to yours huh?". We just never take a risk.

* Dark-Skinned Males - This is a VERY VERY interesting topic. No one ever ADMITS to it but its always eluded to. I never hear people say that they are scared of dark skinned males BUT they laugh at Lightskin Thugs. Which leads me to believe that the status quo for Thuggery is being of a darker complexion. People take a dark skinned male more seriously than a lighter skinned male. People feel that dark men mean business. Im a tell yall. Some of these De'Barge looking dudes might put a swift kick up your tater if you dont watch em. But the whole time you been looking out for Black Dexter from over on 21st Street.

* Coats - We are afraid of COATS. Lemme tell yall something. Im bout tired of all you 60 and over people commenting on these North Faces. Stop letting NBC and Fox have yall scared to bundle up. The fact is.......people get robbed for ALL kinds of coats. But...........But..........the coat that sells the most, will get the most attention. So in the midst of these news shows fighting for ratings, they wont tell you went Mr. Robert gets robbed for his Triple Fat Goose. Or when Mr. Dandridge got his Member's Only Jacket stolen at the Bingo Hall. Cause that's not gonna catch your attention during the "ER" or "CSI" commercials. See that 9:45-9:57 time period is KEY for news shows. Those LAST commercials before the show goes off HAVE to get your attention. They know you dont wanna go pee cause you wanna see the ending. So you see the "lead in" commercials to the news and NORTH FACE is said and you glued to the screen. You done called your kids downstairs. "LIL Robert, SEE that's why I aint buy you no South Face". But you wouldnt be glued if they was talking about somebody got robbed for their penny-loafers. Dont let these people fool you. People get robbed for EVERYTHING.

* Our Mothers - Most of our mothers couldn't lift a chair by themselves but we fear them like they are 6'3", 250 lbs. Momma dont play. She might only stand 4'11" but she means business. You can be 35 years old, two houses, 5 cars and 3 business making 7 figures a year and if Momma say something that she dont like about you, you're gonna listen're gonna change. I don't care if you live 500 miles from home, if she call on a Sunday and she ask "did you go to church today?". You better say YES and you better make up a sermon. When she comes in town you better have some bulletins from past services or something. Some of yall still scared of what you do cause Momma might find out. You 42 years old scared to spend the night over your "friend's" house cause Momma calls you every morning.

Fear is a very powerful weapon. The message that fear brings is simple. The person who exposes you to the fear is the one you will always follow. When someone tells you not to do this or to be aware of that, you will ALWAYS look to them to see what's the NEXT step. You wont make a step without consulting the person who first introduced that fear to you. And that's where you are trapped. Many of us are the ones closing the menu before we open it. Many of us are the ones who are stuck on complexion or stuck on a brand name being dangerous on some life that your mother or father had for you. No need to fear, it's just something to think about

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Monday, March 21, 2005

Sal's Corner
"Play Ball"

You know........I played baseball growing up as a kid and it became my favorite sport to play. I've played every position on an organized level. I've pitched, played catcher, played the infield and played the outfield. And one thing I've learned is that you have to adjust you game for whatever position you are in. I've also learned that where you play determines how you should react to the ball.

In life I think we as men are like baseballs being hit into the field. I think many times we tend to go ANY and EVERYwhere according to the velocity of the pitch and the power of the batter. I feel that women sometimes are in the position to field the ball but sometimes make the wrong moves inturn that hurts them physically and emotionally. So today I will describe some of the positions on this "Baseball field" we call life and how to play those positions

* Outfield - This is one of the first areas I learned to play as a child. The Outfield is the last defense for the fielding team. Whenever playing the outfield.........the first step is BACK. You never step forward on the sound out the bat hitting the ball. ALWAYS step back. Most women who play the "outfield" are usually laid back women. But.........sometimes you want a certain "ball" SO bad that you run forward as soon as the bat cracks. And you end up out of position and the "ball" goes over your head. Sure there will be some "balls" that drop in front of you..........BUT if you move UP too quick it may go over your head and no one is there behind you.

* Catcher - Now this is a difficult position to play. Your knees wear on you and you have to wear ALOT of equipment. And alot of times you catch the ball but you hardly ever get a chance to field the "ball" to get an "out". See every player touches the ball but "fielding" the "ball" for the out isnt as easy for the catcher. The Catcher only gets to throw runners out when they steal or the catcher may get some action if the ball is hit short on bunted. But for the most part if you are a catcher you main concern is catching the pitch. Most "female FRIENDS" are Catchers. They play BEHIND the plate. They are basically BEHIND the game. The "ball" goes out in the field ALL game but it never stays there. The Catcher runs after the "ball" when it's fouled off or when the pitch is wild. They run and get us when we need them. They are there for us when we wanna know "WHY do women do this or.........why do yall do that?". We beat up on them and test our theories on them thats why they need all that equipment.

* 1st Base - A player who plays at 1st doesnt move much. The area that he/she has to cover is NOT alot. Your main objective is to catch all the balls thrown to you by the infielders that have fielded "balls" for outs. When a base runner is on you stay even CLOSER to the base to keep them from stealing. This is a position for the real pretty girls. They end up with MOST of the "balls". They dont have to move much. They dont tend to get down and dirty like the rest of the team. And they just stand there and wait for the other players to scoop the "ball" up and it comes their way.

* Middle Infielder - These are the players that are at 2nd Base and Shortstop. They are the two infielders that play the deepest in the infield. Their first step is normally forward. They ATTACK the "ball". They CANT let the "ball" play them. If they do decide to lay back, they MUST have a strong arm to make the throw to 1st Base. These are the kinda women who have alot of men come their way but they are smooth enough to be able to handle the chase that men give. They usually react to men well and if they need to have back up off of a man and just have a strong enough arm to put them in their place they can or they can run up on a man and sweep him off their feet.

* 3rd Base - This is often referred to as the "HOT Corner". There is NO other fielder on the field that has a tougher time with the "ball" than the player at 3rd base. These balls are SHOT off the bat at the 3rd Base player. AND ontop of having to deal with hard shots down the line you have to have one of the strongest arms on the field because you have to throw ALL the way across the infield. I played 3rd Base for 3 years in High School and at that position, you HAVE to get on your knees to stop balls. Your glove is NOT always the primary stopper of the "ball". If you play 3rd the RIGHT way you SHALL get dirty. Ive had bruises all over my body from playing that positions. Baseballs have hit my shin, knees, shoulder and best believe you NEED a "CUP" to play 3rd as well. These are mostly married women. They are battered emotionally by men who take them for granted because they are already married. These women wash clothes, take care of kids and do ANY and EVERY thing for the men they love. You will get battered and bruised at that position.

* Pitcher - This is the most popular player on the field. The game starts with the Pitcher and plays is started by the pitcher. There are only TWO problems with playing pitcher. #1, that "ball" is thrown HARD by the pitcher but, if its hit RIGHT back to the pitcher, they have a hard time fielding it. In other words you have SOME women who like to BE seen, like to BE in on everything but, when that "ball" comes back AS fast.......they cant take the heat. #2, most pitchers start the game but they cant finish. A pitcher is usually taken out of before the end of the game. Most pitchers dont have the stamina to throw the WHOLE game. So relief pitchers come into the game. What most women who play this role dont understand is.......YES you are the DIVA on the stage of life for a WHILE. YES you will get the attention for a WHILE some point, someone relieves you of your duties. Alot of times these women THROW hard early and often and wear themselves out. And after all the rides in the big cars with the big celebrities, after ALL the VIP rooms, after all the weekend getaways....somehow that "ball" wont be in your hand when the game is finally over and its time for you to stop playing.

* The Fan - The Fan came to the game to SEE the game. Of course you might bring a glove along just in case a "ball" flies out of the park. You dont really anticipate it but it CAN happen. And then that ONE shot flies out. The outfielder cant get it. The infield never had a chance. He the catcher told the pitcher to throw it a little wider, maybe it wouldnt have been hit as far. The pitcher being so off target is the reason why its gone.............AND after ALL of that the FAN gets the "ball" because of the Home Run. And even though the chances are less that the Fan will get a "ball", somehow they appreciate it MORE than the players themselves. All you ladies out there, walking around just out and about, more than likely its when you arent looking or expecting it that a "ball" fell in your lap. It may have knocked over your nachos in the process but so what! While all the players see "baseballs" ALL game long how many "baseballs" will fall in your lap in a lifetime?

Its ok to play ANY position on the field. Just know what comes along with the territory. Even if you are a fan you may have one hit to you. That "BAT" is life. And it sends "baseballs" to you in all types of ways. Be ready. Have you glove with you. And stay in front of the "ball"

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Monday, March 14, 2005

Sal's Corner
"TIPS FOR 2005"

Well we are 2 and 1/2 months into the year. Did you really think I was gonna let yall go a whole year without some tips? I wouldnt do yall like that. NEVER in a lifetime would I do such a thing. I like to see yall succeed. So whenever I can, I will insert comments that may help you. I can sense already, the summer will be a hot one. And the fall and winter to follow will be big as well. Forget all that.......the SPRING is near and people wont know how to act. SO I have to let yall know the deal.

* WALK FAST - ALWAYS walk fast. You come out of your building and you see a group of five people behind you. Maybe you slow down to tie a shoe. Maybe you see someone you know. No matter the situation....WALK FAST. If that group of five is in FRONT of you.........they maybe the FIVE that end up in front of you at Wendy's. They maybe the last five to get those new chicken tenders. They might get the cab you want. THEY MAYBE in front of you at the farecard machine and the train pulls off because one of them can't figure out how much change they need to put in the machine. Never let people get in front of you.

* Dont live life too fast - We gotta learn how to go from living from check to check. Sometimes we want the next 2 weeks to come by TOO FAST. When you live from check to check, the months go by like a snap of a finger. Keep living that way and you'll be 55 before you know it.

* KEEP IT REAL - People yall betta let these significant others know how yall feel about em. Be straight up. Cause if you not feeling em you never know what she has in stored. They maybe be planning for yall future and you planning for an exit. That "in between" stage is crazy. That "We not together but we can get back" stage is tough. Yall have gone separate ways to an thing you know.......she married and you thought yall was almost BACK. The older we get, the faster out status can change. Respect your former "people". Dont let em hear about your Vegas wedding out in the street.

* WALK SLOW towards Exits - Glass doors can be tricky. You walk too fast and the door is locked and you push it and now your face has bumped into the glass. You look very stupid at this point. Even the $4/hour Security Guard will NEVER let you hear the last of it.

* FELLAS: Stay away from women who Hang with Gay Men - First off....I have NOTHING against Gay Men. I dont do what they do but stay away from women who hang with them. These kinds of women tend like attention from men and nothing else. Its NOT the gay man's fault AT ALL. Its the women that are at fault. They usually use these unexpecting men for occupying time. Cause they know even though he's gay..........he's still a man. And they can "make believe" that he aint gay. Thats why you might see them holding hands and whatnot. Cause no matter HOW gay a man is.........when he is with a woman his masculinity will come out to an extent. He still will put his arm around her. He still will dance with her. AND even defend her if necessary. He will listen to her like a straight man should and would BUT at the end of the day........she is just entertained. The gay man will listen to ALL of her problems. Two women hanging together will compete for time and attention. You never see a woman following a gay man around while he shops. Its mostly the other way around. This kinda woman wants a man to cater to her without being "with" this man.

* LADIES: An Older man doesnt mean Maturity - I see more and more young women looking towards older men and saying that they do so for the lack of maturity in men their age. Ladies.....its always easier to walk DOWN steps than it is to walk UP steps. Just because you are with an older man doesnt mean he's pulling you up to his level. He may be walking down to yours. And you think because you are 21 with a 35 year old that you are more mature. I can remember it like it was yesterday.......ALL the girls growing up in Jr High had High School "boyfriends". He might buy you a chicken wing dinner and a $20 bag and now he's your boyfriend......LET YOU TELL IT. He never dropped you off at your house. NEVER picked you UP from your house. You had to meet him at the corner store. You never met his friends. But you thought you were POPPIN cause your boyfriend had a car and some facial hair. And you found out months later.....he just wanted to flip you upside down in the back of his Maxima. And some of you ladies STILL aint learned. You just getting flipped upside down in better cars now. No maximas........."Girl we did it in his CLK". Dont get me wrong.....Its perfectly OK to date an older man. But you gotta ask yourself if you are his main lady, where are all the 35 year old women at? Does he feel he can get over on you cause you are young? Was he a CLOWN in his 20's and now he's tryna make up for it? So before you go around shooting young guys your age down cause you've dealt with a few older men aren necessarily more mature cause you deal with a mature man.........You maybe just getting BROKE OFF by a more mature man.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Friday, March 04, 2005

"Film Critics"
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

ShaRon & Curtis Longfellow are resident film critics for many inner cities. They are known to critique cinema of all kind. They reside in the Shaw area of Washington, DC. Their location puts them cinematographically close to the Lincoln and Warner Theatres. These 2 mischievious niggas originally hail from Detroit where they left a medicore career as blacksploitation directors and producers to review films across the country.

The first movie they saw was "Tuskegee Blues". This story was an autobiography of a young music student at Tuskegee trying to put his way through college as a Blues pianist by day and a jewel thief by night. It was a very touching and action-packed filled with a great soundtrack by Marquis and the Samsonites. ShaRon's main complaint, was that the movie didn't delve into the Tuskegee stripping industry which thrives on Thursday nights at the Black Jasper gentlemen's club. All in all it was a good movie that these two critics gave two butts up. (When something is cool they take a smoke on their square which cause the butts to go up.)

The next movie was "James Brown Live Underwater". This was a documentary of a concert James Brown did in Memphis on a Riverboat back in 1973. The concert was in the basement of the ship, which was actually underwater. They showed some of James Brown's finest groupies doing the things that groupies do. Catfights insued, and naked groupies fought in the bathroom of the casino. Action-packed, and filled with good music, it was almost like Foxy Brown with a concert. They loved this movie.

The last movie they saw was "Bathing Suit Tanya". This adult drama was filled with plenty of love making and girls in bikinis. They didn't finish it though, because Curtis' wife came in, and she don't let them watch no "training films" in the house, well at least not before 11:30.

These movies can't be rented at Blockbuster, but write us at Stank Cinema, 750 Webster St, NW Washington, DC 20011, and we will fill any order, not to mention our fabulous collection of Morgan Freeman, and Elvira Hicks-Tubman movies.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

By Salvador Gabor

Willie "Big Patches" Dickerson releases his new 8-Track "THE MASSACRE" today in stores across the southern states. "Big Patches" is a big name on the "Chittlin Circuit" from Nashville to Augusta. He is well known for his hairline and his signature smile........or whats left of it. "Big Patches" is an undercover lover. Women have told stories of his lustful ways throughout Mississippi. One woman even led us to believe that his lack of teeth adds to his lovemaking "Skills". Gwen Sanders of Charleston, SC says "His Wet-no-teethededed kisses turned her on. He would smack, lick and kiss me all over.......woooooo thats a man for ya". YES ladies, "Big Patches" has some songs on "THE MASSACRE" for you. One track titled "Watch how I work my Tongue" talks about his love for Cranberry sauce and how he eats it as an aphrodisiac. For those inquiring minds wondering exactly WHY the album is called "THE MASSACRE"? Well it's because of the state of the teeth in his mouth and his lack of care he has for his dental health. The following is the COMPLETE listing of his songs on the album

1) High Blood Pressure
2) No Engine in the El Camino
3) Slits in my Sport Coats
4) Watch how I work my Tongue
5) Ontop of somebody's Grandma
6) Macaroni & Cheese Smile
7) Who left the stove on?

For more info on this album call Beulah Spriggs at (301) 455-3534

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Sal's Corner
"GOD is a WOMAN"

Disclaimer: Please note that The Salvador Gabor Project does not promote false doctrine nor does this site want to waiver anyone's belief in their spirituality. The following article is simply a lighter/comical look at what some of us believe in. Now on with the show!

YES YES I said it.........GOD is a WOMAN. I think we may have been off ALL these years. GOD has to be a WOMAN. There are certain things that you HAVE to know makes GOD a female. Let's look at a few

* GOD is a JEALOUS GOD - Isnt that what we always learned in church? God wants more of our time. The preacher always asks, "when are we gonna give GOD some ample time?". "Why dont we get on our knees more and spend some quality time with GOD?". Only a woman would MORE time from you. If God were a man, he wouldn't be trippin. "Yall can come see me when yall get ready" is more like a MAN type of GOD.

* OFFERING - You ever notice, the more time you spend around a woman, the more money you spend? GOD wants all this time from you. It's obviou SHE wants a serious relationship and in SERIOUS relationships you are gonna spend that bread. Offerings/Tithes become a ritual in this relationship.


* SUNDAYS - Church is always at 11:00 AM. You are lucky if your church has a 8:00 or 7:30 morning service but.........WHO wants to be up THAT early. Now if you are at the 11:00 AM service, you are missing the pre-game show. AND because church doesnt let out till 1:30, you've missed the 1st quarter of the game. AND LORD dont let your kid have to sing at the 3:30 service........its a DONE DEAL. ONLY a WOMAN would want to know you love her THAT much by competing for your time against the football game.

* PRAYER - For the most part, men believe in ONE strong convo a day. As long as we "chop it up" or just acknowledge each other for the day thats cool. But as spiritual beings, we are encouraged to pray throughout the day. Only a WOMAN would be behind that. It's like married people. Men, your wife JUST saw you this morning when yall woke up and she wanna talk to you as SOON as you get to work. BE MAD when you dont call either. And why you gotta get on your knees when you pray? I ask the same thing about proposing marriage to your woman.

* JESUS DYING ON THE CROSS - Had GOD been a man, he wouldn't have sent his son to die like that. Come on now.........He woulda said "Look JEE, just go down there for a few years, anybody blind, let em see. Anybody deaf, let em hear. Ya know.........heeal a few folks, save a few folks and come on back up." But MOTHERS will make you suffer in order to make a good person out of you and the others around you.

* SIN - The bible says "The Wages of Sin is Death". Meaning, you sin NOW but you will pay later. ONLY a WOMAN..............ONLY a WOMAN. See.......she'll let you joke around and mess up now and RIGHT when you think its sweet she'll bring 1994 when you had that lil fling with Valencia. Or back in '86 when you and Ricky stole that Camaro from Mr. Wiggins yard. YEAH you was just riding but YOU were there. It's 20 years later, why we still talking about that. I dont even hang with that nigga no more. A MAN GOD would punish you right then or just say "Man JUST dont do it again"

* MIRACLES - Woman are miracle workers. GOD was the one who gave Jesus the ability to turn water into wine. GOD was the one who enabled Jesus to feed the 5000 with the fish. Imagine a MAN being able to have them abilities? Imagine Jesus at the party right...........and they run outta wine. And Jesus had GOD's credit card. And GOD was a man. GOD woulda said, "Go to the store, and just put it on the card". But a WOMAN GOD.........."Look here Jesus, put that water in them wine bottles, bless the bottles and they'll never KNOW.". I mean to feed 5000 people with a little bit of fish is a WOMAN thing. WOMAN can have 3 kids and feed them off of one serving of food. I mean the scripture "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" is a MOTHER/WOMANLY type statement. If yo' MAMMA say you can do it........then you can do it. Mothers and women make you feel like it's nothing in the world that can stop you. In their eyes, NOTHING is wrong with you and you can do it ALL.

As a man I respect all women for what they go through. I wouldnt be surprised if GOD was really a WOMAN. I hope you all get to see one day for yourselves. "Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"