Monday, January 10, 2005

Sal's Corner
"How Cheap.........REAL Cheap" Part 1

You talk the gotta walk the walk. Somehow, we just never get pass those ........ We end up JUST talkin it. Talk is cheap.........VERY cheap. It's so cheap that you can get a variety of talk at a low price. A very WIDE variety of talk. So today we will talk about some of the "talk" you can get from the people you love the most. Yep, everyone has some talk to "sell" you at a cheap price. Just depends on what talk suits you the best

* "Summer Talk" - Kids and college students tend to give you alot of "Summer Talk". "Aye son, I sware to God, Im going to class this year son". "Man I'm doing ALL my work and I aint skippin' this year man I sware". That sounds so nice in August. It really does. It sounds even better the few months before that in May when you get your last grades. College students are great for "Summer Talk". That talk even floods over into the first week back at school. Everyone is getting their schedules and that one dude that knows he aint bout a thing walks up talking about he's taking an 18 credit schedule??????????? For those who dont know, on average each class is worth 3 classes. So if you have ANY math skills, that means ole Rufus has 6 classes on his schedule. That doesnt sound bad at first. But, seeing as though Rufus will fail 2 classes just due to attendence issues because "I got tired of going to classes back to back", I think its best to just take 12 credits. See, "Summer Talk" makes you bite off more than you can chew. It makes you put alot on your plate instead of a little and you end up spilling the whole plate tryna get that last Pork Chop to stay in place on the plate.

* "Cookout Talk" - This can be irritating. Cause I'm just tryna enjoy my burger and Theo walks up with all this "Cookout Talk". "Man what's been up witchu?". "Man we gotta get up!". "Us young people gotta start buying houses". NIGGA.........don't rap me up. Really! I came here to unwind, not to hear your Les Brown speeches. Niggas be tryna have mini-seminars AT the cookout. Food and "real" talk dont mix. I can listen to you and eat these ribs nigga! Too much licking of the fingers, sucking of the teeth and talk of realty makes a bad combo. If you wanna talk about something, talk about the Pistons. Talk about American Idol. Talk about the latest email joke being passed around. But all that other talk........take my number down an we'll talk during the week.

* "Office Talk" - I can't quite get this one down pat. "Office Talk" is strange because you never quite know when to end the convo OR how to begin it. It's established that, I don't know you and you don't know me. And really, if it wasnt for this job, we wouldn't see each other. We don't work in the same department, you just happen to catch me on the elevator everyday (unfortunately) and you wanna talk about some invention IBM came out with. With regards to myself..........I'm not the one to talk alot before 11:00 A.M., so 9 times outta 10, that guy who jets around the corner when you are walking up is me. That guy with his door closed at 8:15 A.M. because you wanna waltz around with your little cup of coffee me.

* "Mall Talk" - These talks are probably the most "full of it" pieces of convo known to man. The mall brings out so many false responses. "Yeah I'm just out here picking up a few things" is one of the most common. And it could mean several things. #1 Im just lying to you........I'm out here checking out the 17 year olds. #2 I had nothing better to do so Im just in the mall. #3 The girl in Up Against the Wall looks really good and I brought my friend so he could see her. #4 I'm really spending TOO much money but, I don't want YOU to think that. "Mall Talk" also leads to the questions about the rest of the night. "So what you about to do?". People assume you are doing something that night if you are in the mall on the friday evening or Saturday afternoon. Instead of saying what you really are doing, people feel a need to make extravagant options. "Well Im might go check out the game man got some tickets, so I might go.". "Yeah my girl talking about she wanna go see Meet the Browns". "Somebody told me about this party but, I forgot where it is, I gotta call my man". It's almost a protocall to HAVE somewhere to go in mind when people ask you "Whats up for the evening?". Why can't you just say "I aint going nowhere". And when you say it, why can't it be said without a "smirk" and a hunch of the shoulders? What's so bad about not going anywhere? I blame it on "Mall Talk"

* "Government Talk" - "Government Talk" is always funny in the Black Community. Everybody always talking about "Getting in the Government". KSA's and Steps and Grades and Department of this and Department of that. "Did you get your quarterly review?" and "Do we have the Day after Christmas off?". Government workers spend most of their morning time watching the bottom of the news screen to see if they are off. If I had one word to describe working in the Government it would be "Hard". It's "hard" to get in the government. "Hard" to get a promotion. And it's "hard" to get fired. And the "hard" to get in part is the worst. I know people who waited 6 and 8 months to get in. I mean PATIENTLY waited. I'm talking about you might apply in February and they might get back to you in March...........of 2007 that is.

Look forward to more installments of "How Cheap.......REAL Cheap" REAL soon. We're gonna talk about "9-5 Talk", "Church Talk", "Jail Talk" and a few other types of talk. "Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"