Monday, January 31, 2005

Sal's Corner
"My Ambitions as a Rider"

Im rarely a "rider". My friends and my environment always lead me to be the driver. So as a driver I need to keep my eyes on the road. But as Im driving, dont worry about me. You just sit there and enjoy the ride. But as you enjoy let me lay down the rules

* Non-Drivers - If you are a non-driver.........LISTEN UP. Always be READY when us drivers come get you. This rule applies for those UNDER 21 in particular. I need you to be on the porch swinging your feet waiting for me when I come. I dont wanna hear "Im ready.....I JUST gotta go get my shoes". my friend.....ARE NOT READY. The DRIVER is ALWAYS the last to get ready. Some of yall need to get pulled off on to understand better.

* Licensed Drivers - If you are a licensed driver that happens to be a rider in the car of ANOTHER licensed driver.........remember.....they went to the DMV and got their license JUST like you did. Dont tell me which way to go UNLESS or UNTIL I ask. "You know you posed to make that turn". "Why you aint turn right here". Or better yet, you secretly pressing you foot on the floor like you have a brake pad over there when you think I'm going too fast. Sometimes I wanna pull over and let them drive. I went to the DMV JUST like you did. And all yall without licenses.......just shut up.

* Control Panel - Don't touch my radio, my temperature control or my windows. And if you aint FAM.......dont adjust my seats. You must ask to do all of the above. If I want to hear this song, it stays here. If I dont want defrost dont go on. And dont be letting down the window if the heat on cause you hot. JUST SUFFER.

* Licensed Drivers Pt 2 - Just a tid bit.......if you dont like how I drive or how the ride is conducted in my have a car. Now back to the article........

* Arms out the Window - Take that country bamma stuff back to North Carolina. Don't put your arm on the ledge of the door like we just riding through Dekalb County on a sunny day. You got your arm out the window like we in a rap video from 1993. Like we down in Greensboro just-a-coasting. Keep your arms in your lap.

* The Horn - OFF LIMITS. I only had a person honk my horn once.............. And she almost got slapped. Dont do that. If you aint ready to possibly take that bullet from that wild driver then once again, keep your hands in your lap

All yall riders, listen up........STAY IN YOUR PLACE. Thats all I gotta say about that. "Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Thursday, January 27, 2005

by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

Angelene Morris is another one of our horny singles looking for love, lust, or maybe a tennis lesson that ends up in the backseat of an old Buick. Angelene is a black professional who works for the NFL's Youth Development Department. She handles urine samples for Little League football. She checks the urine of 9-14 year olds for marijuana, coke, steroids, and all kinds of fedimeens. She feels her job is important as the search for the next Warren Sapp and Jumpy Geathers has begun.

Angelene is a kind woman, who despite her job isn't easily pissed off. She enjoys many fine juices and foods, some exotic and some not-so-exotic. She is a feta-cheese conosseur, a lover of good Tropicana orange juice, and loves Marvin's Daquari Mix (which can be found in the back of a Food Lion, in a van with Virginia tags 'STARTN SUMTHN'). She isn't into long walks in the park, but more or less watching movies on the floor with a blanket right next to the radiator. Angelene makes good potato salad and is willing to share. She enjoys the company of a man of any sort, but the challenge of a Gemini really sets turpentine to her fire. To feel Angelene's heat or some other hopeless romantic, please call 301-455-3534.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Sal's Corner
"The BLACK Inauguration"

I aint gonna lie...........I got caught up..........caught up in the hype. A few months ago, I posted an article that led people to believe that we are closer than what we think to having a Black President. I ranted and raved about our affect on culture and how we influence other races and so forth. Said it with me...........HOGWASH. Yes, i'll be the first to admit it. I figured it all out during President George W. Bush's inauguration. I looked at the ceremonies and I said "No way will a BUNCH of white folks show a BLACK man that much love". There were so many ceremonies. Ceremony after ceremony praising one human being of a man. NO BLACK MAN will get that much love. Granted, a BLACK MAN might get voted in but he will be voted out after the inauguration. That will be the straw that broke the camel's back. Let's look at the Black Inauguration

* Time of Year - First off..........niggas aint standing outside in January. We gotta call Cash Money and get them to rent the Superdome out again. DC........not an chance playboy. The Jenkins' inauguration may have to be in JUNE. A Big cookout. Thats how "we" do anyway. We never have events on time anyway. We quick to elope and have a reception 5 months later. Have a house warming right before we get evicted. Birthday is in the beginning of March, party aint till April. So June is a good look for "our" inauguration. The ONLY reason we would have it in January is to sport our fake mink coats

* Confusion - Too many black folks in one place means confusion. Everybody wanna ride in the first limosine. The seating arrangements would be messed up because Ruth just HAS to have Trudy sitting next to her. You know everybody gotta be at "The House" by 9:00 A.M. to go to the inauguration but, somehow President Jenkins is late. Blame it on Tasha, the first lady.

* National Anthem - Of course the NATIONAL Anthem would be sung at the event but being as though it's the BLACK President..........we gotta sing the Black Anthem. It would start of good.........matter of would start off great. "Lift every VOICE AND SING...till earth and heaven ring"...............THEN.....somewhere around that "Sinnnnng a SONG........something something soommmmmmmmmething"........we would mess up. Total disaster for CBS, FOX, ABC and NBC.

* The Processional - Yall know when we have big events, you CANT keep niggas out the street. In DC when Marion Barry's infamous tape was aired in TV, niggas ran in the street. It's something about running in the street that niggas love! The first limo couldn't get ONE block without niggas running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

* After Parties - Yall know Jermaine Dupri, Puffy and Allen Iverson will have the DC party game on lock after that inauguration. It will be SO many fliers on the ground that the city will have to pay workers triple time for working.

* The Swearing-In - Somebody is gonna lose the bible that is used to do the swearing in. The cameraman is gonna find a way to pan the camera on Bishop Don the Magic Juan and Snoop. The First Lady's dress is gonna be WAY too short and the whole front row is gonna get a glimpse at her drawls. It's gonna be a big fuss about why the kids from his other girlfriend can't stand on stage. And of course somebody gonna yell out "THATS MY BABY" when he finishes swearing in.

This is JUST the beginning. Soon we will talk about the aftermath of the election. The BLACK Presidency. We will discuss some of the things that would take place AFTER all the hoopla has died down

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Sal's Corner
"How Cheap....REAL Cheap" Part 2

For those who don't know we have been talking about talk and how cheap it is. There are several forms of talk. We discussed a few last week. Now we shall continue

* "Jail" Talk - This takes two forms of talk. One is the people who are IN jail talking about "ASALAAM A LAKEM" or "PRAISE GOD" but they got their eye on that Remy bottle as soon as they get home. Can tell you every verse from 1st and 2nd Chronicles but cant get em to church when they are home. "Im a do better" but you back pumpin. Don't rap me up. Then you got the people who been home for 10 years still talkin bout "Yeah back when I was IN". Every once in a while they mention the "Chow Hall" or "Yeah me and my celly used to have push up contests" or how some random nigga "faked on me" and "I hate to split em wide open". It's over......either you wanna go back or stop rappin about it.

* "Kid" Talk - People with kids.......yall iritate us people without kids. Can we have a 10 minute convo without "Lil Ricky" coming up. I'm tired of hearing "You know Ricky is teething now.........he is so smart..........he says the craziest things". But what's even worst is when two parents get together. They start talking in code. All you start hearing is HMO's and how many MONTHS their child is. If he/she is over a year need to keep saying their age in months. "Oh Ricky is 23 months".........NO .....that lil nigga bout to be 2 in a few weeks OK Trisha. You shouldnt be walking around saying no baby is 23 months!

* "Church" Talk - If you standing in front of a liquor store or crack house, do me a favor........a big favor.........dont talk about Jesus. I mean he is everywhere but don't talk about the Bible and you got a bag of weed ready to roll up. Im not perfect but I respect that man more than that to be talking when Im crazy in the wrong. Then got the nerve to curse while talking about Jesus. "yeah these dudes out here trippin, that SH*T in the bible.........go get a bible and read that Muthaf*ckin verse I was tellin you about........aye Black roll that weed though".

* "Boyfriend" Talk - Women always talk about their boyfriends to another man that has no care in the world for their relationship. I don't wanna hear about what Donte wont do. Why Donte wont commit? Why Donte didnt invite you to the Super Bowl party? Dion got engaged with his girlfriend, why Donte aint buy me no ring yet? Donte mother gets on my nerves. I just cant get Donte to go to church. Now either she is saying ALL that bad stuff of ALL of the good stuff. Donte bought me this tennis bracelet. Donte cooked me dinner Friday night. Donte's new car is so nice. It gets to the point where she might just call you Donte after a while.

* "9-5" Talk - Everybody want their own bidness. Everybody hate their boss. Everybody hate their job. Everybody hate everything about working. But yall niggas love them checks. Can't tell you nothing on the 1st and 15th but every other day you mad. So you want your own bidness. Lemme tell you something.......checks aint guaranteed on your own bidness. You dont report to just ONE person on your own bidness. You dont have just ONE job to do on your own bidness. The fact is, you might not make NO money for a long time, you might have to report to an Agency instead of just one boss and you may have to do a job that normally would take several people to complete..ALL by yourself. This kinda talk is nonsense. Its usually talked on Sunday evenings and weekdays after 10:00 when you should be sleep but, you wanna stay up and talk to Alonzo all night instead of ironing your skirt for work tomorrow and going to sleep. You just mad that you aint gonna get 6 hours of sleep tonight so you blabbering on about nothing. Get up, take a shower and go to work.

Friday, January 14, 2005

"Where Have You Gone, Joe Dimaggio?"
By Salvador Gabor

This is a question that many middle-aged to older sports fans have been asking for decades now. Seems as if when Joe DiMaggio left, the "Big Money" contracts, nights full of women, alcohol and gambling game into play. Not to mention the arrests, law suits and rapes. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Maybe it's me but the players now seem to want everyone to know their name and their stats. Their jersey number and their patented celebration dance. While everyone's looking for attention there are some looking for Joe DiMaggio.

Where is he? Joe is actually dead. He died a few years ago and with that marked the death of his spirit in sports. the eyes of some. I for one don't believe that he is gone. His spirit of tough plays and dedication are here today. Even in the midst of all the drinking, smoking, partying and disrespectful actions that many players involve themselves in, Joe is here. He was here when Babe Ruth and Ty Cobb did the same things such as binge drinking, loud cursing and egotistical gestures on the field of play. But, the people looking endlessly for Joe won't let us young folks in on THAT secret. Babe Ruth pointed to Center Field in a World Series against the Chicago Cubs and that gesture led people to believe that he was "calling his home run shot". This is BEFORE he took his bat to the plate. And we have the nerve to think that pulling a cell phone after a touchdown is disrespectful. At least the guy waited till AFTER he scored to mock the opposing team. A football player accidentally spears another player and it's a $75,000 fine. Ty Cobb slides in to 2nd Base and intentionally kicks his spikes into the opposing players shin and he's considered one of the best baseball players of all time. I am not a Babe Ruth or Ty Cobb hater, I actually like both but, I just wanna know why people can't see Joe Dimaggio? Did he really leave? Or did those looking for him become blind in old age?

Leagues such as the NFL, NBA, NHL, and MLB make billions from the intensity and passion of the games they represent. It's not a passion that can be turned on and off as we please. So along with the tears shed on the sideline of a Super Bowl Champion comes the passion of a hard-working man trying to keep his job by making a tackle and accidentally grabs a facemask or aims too high at an opposing player. Along with the candid interviews and pre-game hype for a high-powered matchups comes an occasional touchdance dance and a player simulating the act of pulling down his pants. The same man who celebrates in this manner is the one who was motivated to do such by fans making discouraging and degrading remarks towards him. If I'm not mistaken, Jackie Robinson, Willie Mays and others went through this as well and ole Joe was around then too. Had they pulled down their pants and "mooned" a crowd, maybe the fans would have learned a lesson a long time ago. And again I ask, "Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggio?".

Every year there is a story line in sports. This story line makes the game seem that much more interesting. The pre-game shows, the interviews, the post-game analysis, the articles where some player predicts a win over another team because he calls them "soft" or "sorry". These things make us tune in. And with billion dollar contracts with TV networks on the line, somebody BETTER make it interesting. If everybody simply handed the ball to the referee after every score, what would the game be? If everyone shut their mouths all week and didn't talk trash about the opponent, what would the game be? If no one argued on the sidelines and made up the next week or got traded because they couldnt get along with a former teammate, would good would it be to watch a game on Christmas or stay up till 12:30 A.M. just to see what team would win in Overtime. I'm not asking for a sports world full of Dennis Rodmans but, for God's sake we don't need a sports world full of John Stocktons either. From characters such as Art Donovan to "Mean" Joe Greene to Ron Artest. From beloved players such "Pee Wee Reese" to Roger Staubach to David Robinson. There is a balance in sports. There always was, and there always will be. It's just that the intensity has increased and it takes a MEAN attitude from players sometimes to take it to the next level.

Somehow these Joe DiMaggio fans think that this is a new wave of sports and that this new wave came all the way out of LEFT FIELD.........I'm sorry to tell ya, it came outta CENTER FIELD. For those who don't know.........thats where JOE DIMAGGIO played his best ball.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

"Remy on My Mind"
By Salvador Gabor

I have alot on my mind baby. And most of it is Remy. But what was I thinking? I knew I grabbed Susan's butt too many times. Maybe.....JUST maybe I had my tongue out too much. Who am I? Michael Jordan? Some famished tiger in the wild? Maybe a long lost member of the Road Warriors? Regardless, when I untucked my shirt, I KNEW IT. It had begun. I hit the dance floor and the sweat dripped down. I tried to walk away! I sware. Last night a DJ ruined my life. Or that old lady who taught me how to do the "Electric Slide" on the whim. I had seen the "Detroit Step" but, this was better than the "Same ole two step".

I shoulda left my money at home. That.......and your car keys. Nevermind those few scratches and dents, Leroy told me he'd be around to see about fixing those on Saturday. Speaking of Saturday, I have to meet my lawyer then too. I woke up this morning next to Bubba and Lil Greg. And I hate a cheese sandwich for breakfast. And for some reason their house has bars around it. And I had to use the bathroom in front of them. And the guy with the blue uniform wasn't tryna let me go until Keith & Dewey came and picked me up.

Well I woulda came home but I figured "Sheila has to go to work".........and SO DO I for that matter. Maybe you called my job and told them I wouldnt be in. If not, I gotta think of a real good excuse. My dog ate my homework? I light case of Ebola? A Tsunami hit Wheeler Road in Southeast on my way to work????? I'll think of something. But, I had to write you........just to say I'm sorry. Another Wednesday night. Im gonna stop going to clubs that have names that consist of numbers and give out free drinks until 8:00 P.M. This is the 5th Wednesday in a row. For some reason I keep waking up somewhere on a Thursday in the wrong house on a mission for Advil and condom wrappers. I never figured out who that girl was last Thursday morning. Whoever she is, she makes a mean waffle. That's neither here nor there.

I can't say Im Sorry..........but I can say I'm drunk. Yes I am still drunk and now my head is spinning. Some call it a headache. I call it "Remy on my mind"

Lavell "Dirty Dog" Perkins

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY. The first official post was created on 1/12/04. The post that began all of this MADNESS. For those of you who jumped on this site late. I'm giving you a chance to see the first official post if you missed it the first time around. So from us to you....CHEERS and may we see more years to come!

Sal's Corner
"The Day you found out....."

Im writing this article because Im tired of people going thru depression. Depression is a part of life from time to time but the best way to deal with it is addressing the problem AND find a solution. So lets just talk about "The day you found out....."

*The day you found out.......That you are fat. Yes it happens. You are about 25-30 years old. You eat the same way you did at 18 but your body doesnt respond to that food the same way it did before. You used to be able to eat a Whopper and still go out and play basketball, now you eat a whopper and you cant even walk a flight of steps. You look down at your midsection and its just terrible looking.

Solution: Forget exercising, just find outfits that make you look cool. So what you're bigger, just buy a bigger size. Dont try to lose weight, just buy a cool sweatsuit and keep your hair done/cut to make your size more sleek.

*The day you found out........You are going bald. This is a sensitive topic for some males. I myself have a slight bald spot. I dont get upset I just see it as a setback and I just gotta be a lil more cooler than the next man. I mean its nothing to me cause my hairline been doing backflips since the 96 olympics. The day I found out was when I was trying on some jeans in Hechts. They got the mirror that shows every angle of your body. I looked into one mirror and saw the spot. I wasnt startled nor was I saddened. Its like this....You know how when you go outta town wit someone, usually you know when yall are leaving to go outta town but you dont know what time you are coming back. You probably know the day but not the exact time. But then you get that call from your man at 9:00 A.M. on Sunday saying "Hey we leaving at 12:00". Even though you aint ready to leave at 12:00, it really dont matter so you say "Aight then". Thats kinda how it was when I saw my bald spot. I just said "Aight this is how its gonna be huh God?, you gonna do ya boy like this at 23 huh?"

Solution: On a serious note, dont do the Toupe' thing. Dont do the slick back thing or pullover thing. If you got money for hair restoration surgery, you CAN do that cause it is rightfully your hair. As for me, Im just gonna keep my hair cut low cause its nothing worse than a dude wit a bush and a bald spot. Also Im just gonna keep some fresh new balances and begin to step my dressed up attire game up along with my grown man casual look. Its all about sweatsuits. I might start wearing velour sweatsuits or them "Soprano's" type sweatsuits that just makes it cool to be old. Also the nice leather jackets with the collar flipped up. Ya know.......Just do things to make that "older" look thats been forced on you, work on your behalf.

* The day you found out......... You were not graduating on time/ and were staying back a grade. AWWW this is terrible, cause you really know WAY before them grades get home. YOU take the class so you know whats poppin for real for real. You know in January whether or not you are graduating in May. I knew my freshman year at Hampton that it would be a 5 year journey. My love for hanging out at the Union, sitting outside the girls' dorms and late night Madden tournaments let me know what was really going on.

Solution: Just tell your folks whats up. I told my parents, we just gonna call freshman year my "redshirt" year and that I'd actually start college the following semester. You know what though.......... I never really started college. I just bumped into a cap and gown and a 5X8 Index card and gave it to my dean to call my name. Guess thats why I got a degree in Accounting and now I wanna be a "so called" writer???? Go figure.

Sidetip: But you know what makes it so hard to tell your parents about the delay of graduation date!?!?!.....It be your female cousins and female friends. They ALWAYS mess it up cause they graduate in 4 years FLAT. Oh not to mention with a 3.5 GPA or above. And they come to your house or family get togethers and totally mess up your WEAK arguement to your parents about how hard school is. Oh yeah did I mention she has a full time job while she was at school!!!!!

* The day you found out........ You were adopted. Im not adopted (well at least thats what the lady who I call mom tells me) but I feel for people who have been. Not saying its wrong cause I commend people who take on the responsibility of another person's child. My only thing is that the child should know its true lineage. Tell the child that he or she has been adopted. Nothing's worse than not knowing whats really out there. And telling the child late in their years can hurt.

Solution: The child needs to know at least ONE real family member. They can meet all of their biological family through that person and keep in contact through that person. The child aint gotta be around his or her biological people all the time, but its good to know so that 10 years later you aint married to your real brother/sister. Your whole life you be staying clear of Women whose last name is McDaniels and you REALLY shoulda been staying clear of the Lattimore's.

*The day you found out......... your boyfriend/girlfriend aint wanna be your girlfriend/boyfriend no more. Thats a tough hand to play. Love is a weakness. The unfortunate thing is that when you love somebody, you cant hide it. Fellas we say "Man I aint love her anyway". Aight dog, whatever you say! Tell that to the florist who knows you on a first name basis. How bout the salesperson in perfume section of Nordstrom who remembers your credit card number by heart. Or tell that to the waiter at the Olive Garden that took your "takeout for 2" orders and knew that your girl likes the sugar in her tea stirred and not shaken. Love makes you do things that you cant reverse and thats tough.

Solution: No we dont condone slashing tires, changing the password on their voicemail or taking back jewelry and possibly a finger while you're at it. Respect their decision. As hard as it is to do so, you must respect it. Here's one tip. Dont date nobody less than what you had. Being lonely makes you do dumb stuff. Make sure you dont fall back in a relationship wit any ole body. Step it up. The worst thing you can do is see your ex and you hand in hand wit some slum looking person.

* The day you found out......... You were pregnant. Fellas, you'd be surprised to find out how many young women who have been secretly pregnant, had the abortion and the whole nine and you never knew! As youth, we make mistakes. Some say the mistake is having sex. Others say the mistake was getting pregnant. Then there are those who say the mistake was having the child. You might say aborting the child was the mistake. Well I'll say that the child aint a mistake.

Solution: Make the best of the situation. The lil homie might be the next president or something. You never know. Whatever you do, ask God what is best and keep it moving. Thats real talk for ya.

Life is yours man. You dont like what's going on, step up and change the situation. In 2004 we will discuss some real stuff. Stuff like "Things you have to do before you die", "Say what you mean" and "Pretty Girls". Any comments? Hit me at Hey man "Next week people, Lord Willin and 'Rome Feelin".

Shout out to Jerome Baker and all the other bloggers getting it in too!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

"When the Whistle Blows"
By Salvador Gabor

Coach always told you....."Dont stop until the whistle blows". So even in the midst of that command, when we double dribble or step outta bounds, we stop. BUT, the whistle didn't blow. The ref didn't see it but, we feel guilty. We committed the foul or the turnover and yet we didn't keep going until the "whistle" blew. Some of us keep going after the "whistle" blows. We know that it's not a fumble but, we pick up the ball and run like there is no tomorrow. We took a few steps too many on the court and then we keep dribbling and when the "whistle" blows we look back as if we are shocked. It happens.

Most of us either stop before the "whistle" or after. NEVER WHEN the "whistle" blows. The ones who stop before or too cautious and the ones who stop way afterwards just have no regard for any rules. Well why do we need a "whistle"? It's a loud and distinct alarm that represents the interruption of end of play. Interruptions are due to acknowledgement of turnovers. They can also be for breaks and timeouts. Coaches have "whistles" for practices and referees have "whistles" during the actual playing of the game. But, the player never has a "whistle". He/she only responds to the sound of a "whistle" by beginning or ending their current play. In so many words, as a player, it's not your whistle to blow. You just better stop when it blows and don't stop until that point and don't run after that point.

Many of us tend to respond to the "whistle" in the wrong way. Some of us are stopping short of the "whistle". You may have made a mistake but that doesn't mean the ref is gonna blow the "whistle". The ref may just be calling a loose game. Just keep going hard and playing tough. You can't be a winner while playing uptight.

BUT, more of us are still roughin' it up after the play. The "Whistle" has blown and we are still pushing each other while the rest of the kids are lining up to go inside after recess. It's time for the play to be over. The "Whistle" is a sign that the "Fat Lady" has arrived and unfortunately, she has had plenty of lemon juice to hit that high note. We are hanging around clinging to dead situations. Just hoping that the ref will call that loose ball a fumble. Just hoping that you don't have to turn around and run back to the line of scrimmage and all that running you did after the play isn't in vein. Save yourself some air. Save yourself some time. Save yourself some embarrassment. Just stop when the "Whistle" blows.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Sal's Corner
"How Cheap.........REAL Cheap" Part 1

You talk the gotta walk the walk. Somehow, we just never get pass those ........ We end up JUST talkin it. Talk is cheap.........VERY cheap. It's so cheap that you can get a variety of talk at a low price. A very WIDE variety of talk. So today we will talk about some of the "talk" you can get from the people you love the most. Yep, everyone has some talk to "sell" you at a cheap price. Just depends on what talk suits you the best

* "Summer Talk" - Kids and college students tend to give you alot of "Summer Talk". "Aye son, I sware to God, Im going to class this year son". "Man I'm doing ALL my work and I aint skippin' this year man I sware". That sounds so nice in August. It really does. It sounds even better the few months before that in May when you get your last grades. College students are great for "Summer Talk". That talk even floods over into the first week back at school. Everyone is getting their schedules and that one dude that knows he aint bout a thing walks up talking about he's taking an 18 credit schedule??????????? For those who dont know, on average each class is worth 3 classes. So if you have ANY math skills, that means ole Rufus has 6 classes on his schedule. That doesnt sound bad at first. But, seeing as though Rufus will fail 2 classes just due to attendence issues because "I got tired of going to classes back to back", I think its best to just take 12 credits. See, "Summer Talk" makes you bite off more than you can chew. It makes you put alot on your plate instead of a little and you end up spilling the whole plate tryna get that last Pork Chop to stay in place on the plate.

* "Cookout Talk" - This can be irritating. Cause I'm just tryna enjoy my burger and Theo walks up with all this "Cookout Talk". "Man what's been up witchu?". "Man we gotta get up!". "Us young people gotta start buying houses". NIGGA.........don't rap me up. Really! I came here to unwind, not to hear your Les Brown speeches. Niggas be tryna have mini-seminars AT the cookout. Food and "real" talk dont mix. I can listen to you and eat these ribs nigga! Too much licking of the fingers, sucking of the teeth and talk of realty makes a bad combo. If you wanna talk about something, talk about the Pistons. Talk about American Idol. Talk about the latest email joke being passed around. But all that other talk........take my number down an we'll talk during the week.

* "Office Talk" - I can't quite get this one down pat. "Office Talk" is strange because you never quite know when to end the convo OR how to begin it. It's established that, I don't know you and you don't know me. And really, if it wasnt for this job, we wouldn't see each other. We don't work in the same department, you just happen to catch me on the elevator everyday (unfortunately) and you wanna talk about some invention IBM came out with. With regards to myself..........I'm not the one to talk alot before 11:00 A.M., so 9 times outta 10, that guy who jets around the corner when you are walking up is me. That guy with his door closed at 8:15 A.M. because you wanna waltz around with your little cup of coffee me.

* "Mall Talk" - These talks are probably the most "full of it" pieces of convo known to man. The mall brings out so many false responses. "Yeah I'm just out here picking up a few things" is one of the most common. And it could mean several things. #1 Im just lying to you........I'm out here checking out the 17 year olds. #2 I had nothing better to do so Im just in the mall. #3 The girl in Up Against the Wall looks really good and I brought my friend so he could see her. #4 I'm really spending TOO much money but, I don't want YOU to think that. "Mall Talk" also leads to the questions about the rest of the night. "So what you about to do?". People assume you are doing something that night if you are in the mall on the friday evening or Saturday afternoon. Instead of saying what you really are doing, people feel a need to make extravagant options. "Well Im might go check out the game man got some tickets, so I might go.". "Yeah my girl talking about she wanna go see Meet the Browns". "Somebody told me about this party but, I forgot where it is, I gotta call my man". It's almost a protocall to HAVE somewhere to go in mind when people ask you "Whats up for the evening?". Why can't you just say "I aint going nowhere". And when you say it, why can't it be said without a "smirk" and a hunch of the shoulders? What's so bad about not going anywhere? I blame it on "Mall Talk"

* "Government Talk" - "Government Talk" is always funny in the Black Community. Everybody always talking about "Getting in the Government". KSA's and Steps and Grades and Department of this and Department of that. "Did you get your quarterly review?" and "Do we have the Day after Christmas off?". Government workers spend most of their morning time watching the bottom of the news screen to see if they are off. If I had one word to describe working in the Government it would be "Hard". It's "hard" to get in the government. "Hard" to get a promotion. And it's "hard" to get fired. And the "hard" to get in part is the worst. I know people who waited 6 and 8 months to get in. I mean PATIENTLY waited. I'm talking about you might apply in February and they might get back to you in March...........of 2007 that is.

Look forward to more installments of "How Cheap.......REAL Cheap" REAL soon. We're gonna talk about "9-5 Talk", "Church Talk", "Jail Talk" and a few other types of talk. "Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

Friday, January 07, 2005

ON January 9th, 2004, "Reggie", "Gartrelle" and I started this site. We've been doing it for almost a year now. We are approaching our 1-year anniversary and we need your help. If you have the chance, search through the archives and pick out your favorite posts over the last year. Email me at

By the way, I dont get my day started until I check up on what's the latest and greatest in fashion, entertainment and culture news over at "Fresh To Death"

check out

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

"Down Syndrome"
By Salvador Gabor

We are just exiting the holiday season and we are entering the latter parts of winter. These days are filled with emails from "friends" catching up on old times. Valentine's Day is coming. And in about 2 months, spring will be near. I just hope that the "syndrome" doesnt keep some of us "down". This "syndrome" is one that effects women mostly but, it has not totally excluded men either. It's not often considered to be a deadly disease but it is life changing.

"WannaMan Syndrome" has been an ailment that has been around for years and years. It is a contagious disease and a cure has not been known. It's known to be a year-round disease although it flares up between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day. "WannaMan Syndrome" is easily detected but hard to keep in check.

"WannaMan" tends to seep into the bodies of women at about the age of 23. They've dealt with the male species since they were 14 and 15 years old. It was fun back then. What an exciting thing it is to hop in and out of fancy cars, get gifts from older guys and walk into a room knowing that every man wants you. You had too many men chasing you. So you had to be cute and reject a few. get to the age of 25 or so. You begin to understand that there are less men than women out here. You see that all the "good" men are married or "shacked up". Now those men you rejected looks kinda good to you now. You might see one at the mall or at a restaurant and now he has a house and a wife and 3 kids. He's not even your type but, you are mad that he is settled down. And all the while you are just as single as a word without an "S" at the end.

Well I'm sure that some of you men want to know symptoms/characteristics of women with "WannaMan Syndrome". You can catch some of the ailed women at church. They are always looking to see who is going to marriage counseling classes or what man is at church every week. Sometimes they are on your job. You are the new hire and your office is in the corner next to NOTHING, yet every woman walks pass.

Women with "WannaMan" often catch this disease by hanging with women who HAVE men. These women talk about their relationships ALL the time. The relationship AINT all that its made out to be and truthfully, that women is bored and her only fun is hooking the single woman up. Women with men are worst than the ones with "WannaMan". You have to be aware men. These women will have you at a table with her booger-looking friend tryna "Hook it on up". Be weary of women who have to meet you through their friend who already has a man. Most of the time, she's just tired of having to take her buddy to the movies with her and her man. But the women with the man is the problem. Often times if you can take her out of the scenario, the situation isn't as bad and the disease is curable.

One last tip for you guys, women with "WannaMan" can have their ailment take a turn for the worse. It could go from "WannaMan" to "ANY man". That's just it.........women with "WannaMan" will find ANY man. The first man with a job and he keeps his beard trimmed will be the one she ATTEMPTS to deal with. Make sure she isnt just using you as an "ANY man" type of person. Don't return ONE call on time. Don't make it to one event she wants to bring you to. Just be unavailable ONE good time and see if she acts a fool. Make sure she wants YOU and not just "ANY man"

So fellas beware and LADIES PLEASE BEWARE. Understand that there is no rush or time table on life. Things will happen to you when its YOUR time. Dont let someone else tell you when it should happen for you. We all dont graduate at 18, we all dont drive at 16 and we all dont have a house, a spouse and 3 kids by 30. "WannaMan" comes from people "keeping up with the joneses". But most of the time when you keep up with the joneses, you forget to keep up with yourself.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Sal's Corner

2005 is gonna be a big year. Face it, you if not making will be moved. There are just a few things I need to air out in the beginning of this NEW YEAR.

* Let people know YOUR NAME - Naw dont let Big Mamma or Auntie Josephine slide NO MO. If your name is Jessica........tell her its Jessica and NOT Justine. If your name is Jamal TELL her its Jamal and NOT Jameer! Tell grandma to stop adding "S" and "R" to your name. It is NOT Jamals or Latrells. Nope mamma its not Mayar its Maya. The first step to being successful is making sure your presense is felt. Make your presense the correct presense. So they have to get your name right.

* Toleration - Whatever you tolerate will seep through and become a problem. If your wife/girlfriend has temper tantrums and you dont like it.........the first time she does it in '05, pull the car over and let her walk. Im serious. Ladies, if you tired of your man farting on the couch, Break Up wit em. Cause next thing you know, his drawls gonna be brown and YOU are gonna have to wash em. If you tolerate grandma calling you Jameer and your name is Jamal, next thing you know, she gonna get your girlfriend's name wrong and have you in a heap of trouble.

* Assumption - Everyone say it with me "WE WILL NO LONGER ASSUME IN 2005". The worst thing to do is to Assume. You ever come in the house from somewhere and a person says "I guess you were at work late huh?". Why not just ask "Where have you been?". Flee from asking "beat around the bush" questions to get to the point. If someone doesnt answer their phone, maybe its a bad reception. Maybe they really cant talk. Maybe they respect your conversation enough to say "I know he/she needs ALL of my attention so let me call them back when Im ready to give them that". Don't assume that everyone knows everything either. Some facts of life arent revealed to everyone at the same time. Spell the word Assume. (Part 1)A-S-S........(Part 2)U.........(Part 3)M-E. When you make a "Part 1" out of "Parts 2 and 3".

* Posters - We all have tough times. Our living situations aint always ironed out. But, if you are at home with your parents or you are sleeping in a room for a while that's not yours..........take down all them posters. Aint nothing worst than a grown man/woman with "Word Up" posters from 1988. Somebody might walk in your room and start doing the "Running Man" and start singing "Girls De Girls they LOVE ME".

* Dates - 2005 will be the year that everyone will be "dated up". No not at the movies or at dinner but at cookouts and sporting events. I predict that some people will be scrambling to find a date to Leroy and Vanessa's barbeque or scrolling through their rolodex to find a date to lil Kenny's Pee-Wee league football game.

These are just a few things to look for in 2005. Over the next few weeks, We will break down the year ahead and what else to look for, who to stay away from and other topics involving the new year. "Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"