Monday, December 06, 2004

Sal's Corner
"Going Nowhere Fast"


You ever been in a bind or a tough situation? It seems as if you can REALLY do something about it.........but you cant for real! You try to get a strategy going but its dead in the water. Why do we try? The following are situations where we try to make something happen thats not yet meant to be


* Waiting for Public Transportation - We all have waited for a bus and/or train in our lives. Maybe its a weekend and the bus aint coming as frequent. Maybe its not rush hour and the train comes every 15 minutes and you JUST missed the other train. What do we do? WE STAND OUT in the street looking to see if a bus is coming. As if our eyes are magnets that will draw the bus down to our stop. That's the DUMBEST thing YET, we do it

* Checking your messages - Fellas, lets keep it all the way 100 in here. 100% real. How many of yall ever liked a woman ALOT. She aint really like you (or at least you aint KNOW that yet). You got her number. She has yours. You KEEP checking your voicemail every 5 minutes to see if she left a message. Now Im not just talking from my own experience. Alot of yall are laughing but I've been peepin yall moves too. When you pick up your phone 10 times in a half-hour, I know you checking messages nigga! Yeah but anyway checking your phone aint gonna magically make her call. I know some of yall wake up at 2:00 A.M and roll over and look at your phone. If the envelope aint appearing in the right hand corner, SHE AINT CALL. And yall try to be slick thinking maybe the reception wasnt good, so you put the phone in the window seal. Im peeping yall style all the way out!

* Radio Volume While Lost - What does turning the radio down have to do with getting UN-lost? Ive been in the car BY myself and turned the radio down. Who is there to listen to for directions? Why do we do that. I think its our "BUNK" parents and grandparents. The same ones that say you gotta be quiet when the STORM is coming through. "RONNELL you gotta be STILL, the storm is passing"

* Waiting in Line - Im Guilty of the following. You're standing in line at a Bank or something like it. The line seems long so to make YOURSELF feel like its moving you get closer to the person in front of you. Its still 47 people in front of you before you can that $600 check for them 2 weeks you done worked at the job and you pressed to move up an inch to go cash it and give all yo' money to the bill collectors. Squeezing the line in aint gonna make the line move faster.

* Shopping with your Mother - AWW the tragedy! Imagine being 8 years old and being in the Thrift Store with a frugal mother. Its a horror story for most of us. And you try to make her speed up the process by standing somewhere NEAR the exit. The whole time, she still searching through them old clothes. This is NOT her last stop either so I dont know why you are in a rush. It's 7:30 and YES you are not gonna be home in time for the Cosby Show. Nor does she care because ........you are EIGHT years old and you dont have an Agenda! Standing by the door is NOT a sign that she is gonna hurry up. Then when you get about 10 years old, you are now old enough to ask for the keys to the car. You think you bad now. When you ask for them keys YOU think thats a sign that she is gonna REALLY hurry up. Shoot, she can slow down now cause you done found a seat!

* Parking Lot Pimpin - Why is it that when you wanna go, somebody always sees your significant other, mother or friend in the parking lot and they wanna TALK all day? Once again you ask for the keys to the car. THATS not gonna speed up NOTHING. And dont let it be your mother and some lady from church in the parking lot. Sister Glover might mess around and have prayer RIGHT there IN the Bojangles Parking Lot. As soon as she says "FATHER GOD"..........you already know its a 13 minute prayer coming down the pipe.

* Closing Your Books - Remember that 2:00 Class you had? It ended at 2:50 and around 2:47 you closed your textbook and you did it in a manner where you made a LOUD noise? Well most of the young teachers got the point but, Mrs. Chaney, the 80 year old Physics teacher aint having it. I dont care if she dont finish till 3:21, YOU GONNA SIT THERE! Them old teachers were famous for the "THIS CLASS DONT END WHEN THE BELL RINGS, ITS WHEN I DISMISS YOU". Mrs. Chaney would dare you to close that textbook. She'll close out your gradebook for the year with an "F"

* Checking Your Watch at Church - See lemme tell yall a thing or shree about Church.........out of all the scenarios on this week's corner...........you can NOT predict when a church service will end. You might know when the bus is coming. You might know if the girl will call or not. You might anticipate which Bank Teller will ring their light for you to walk up. You might know any of those but you dont know what time church will let out. Its useless. You be done broke your watch checking it so many times waiting for Deacon Bailey to dismiss the church. AND it be them services that aint supposed to be long that last like 6 hours. Your mother coaxed you into going to a Thursday night service. She tells you its only for an hour. That's a sign right there. I aint NEVER EVER been to NO church service that lasted 60 minutes on the DOT. You in there for a minute buddy. A STRONG minute! 2 hours is the MINIMUM. And when you think its over........IT AINT. Somebody son with Glaucoma gotta get prayed for. Then Mrs. Lucille need prayer for her Diabetic Leg. THEN the offering plate goes around for the 11th time. Sister Odell wanna sing a solo AFTER her Testimony. Brother Reggie CANT stop shouting. And through all of this you STILL think the time your mother LIED to you and said yall was leaving STILL is in EFFECT??????