Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Bunk Fortune Top 40 (#'s 1-20)
By Salvador Gabor

A few weeks back, Reggie Dinkins, Jr presented the Bunk Top 40 in Fortune. He began the countdown and now I'm here to top it off. Of course the only two requirements were that 1) You gotta be Bunk and 2) You gotta have some serious PAPER.

The list starts off with the #1 Spot but, I suggest you read from bottom to top.

1) Walter "I got dat" Wilkins. Big Walt has the street DVD & CD game on LOCK. He caters to the older Christian crowd. he made $500,000 on MADEA's FAMILY REUNION DVD's ALONE. You add in a few sells of the Passion of Christ and some Canton Spirituals' CD's and you can see why he made $1.7 Million last year. He has all the R.Kelly Sex Tapes and a few of his own, if ya nasty. Get wit big Walt cause He got dat!

2) James McGee, Illegal Cable Installer. Every since Mike Tyson was knocking niggas out in 30 seconds and people were wasting $50 on fights, James has been hooking the hood up with cable boxes. He has traveled along the Alabama/Georgia state lines and has made money that mirrors Ted Turner on a Bunk Level. A whopping $972,000 was made by McGee last year

3) Willie "Shark" Whitman, Bailbondsman. In a city like Little Rock, Arkansas, arrests are jackpots for the Shark. He has coaxed young gang members into robbing establishments and then calling the police to meet them there so they can be arrested. With this scheme he made an astonishing $918,000 last year

4) Miguel Taylor, Lifetime Juror. Miguel collects Jury Duty checks and re-invests them in many Money-Markets. He served on 1501 cases in 2004 and received $45,000 worth of checks that he re-invested and gained up to $850,000 off of these investments. These money markets were DICE games behind the 5th Street Market in Northeast DC

5) Leroy McIntrye, Auto Mechanic. "Pull around to the alley" is a phrase that Leroy made legendary. He saved his neighbors thousands of dollars in mechanical work on their automobiles. Never a one to handshake, Leroy winks his eye at you and keeps his nasty oily hands in his overall pockets. Never too far from a Colt 45 and a pack of Salem's, Leroy is the only man on the Western Hemisphere still unscrew bolts with his bare hands.....or should I say his BEAR hands. But for $805,000 a year, Id do the same thing

6) Jacob Steele III, Furniture Designer. Jacob originally created the plastic covers for couches in the 80's. He made MILLIONS and blew most of it when he tried to create an urban soft drink that was poured into mayonaisse jars. Although he blew Millions on that venture, he still brought in $732,000 last year

7) "Rank" Jesse McCollough, Drug Store Thief. "Rank" Jesse has been stealing for 35 years. In his tenure he has made a TOTAL of $715,000. I know we only do it according to this PAST year but "Rank" Jesse is deserving. Since he came back from Vietnam, he still thinks its 1969 ANYWAY so to him, its the same year. And that nigga aint put no deodorant on since 1969. But if you need some from the store, He'll get it for you.

8) Carl "The Molar" Alderman, Urban Dentist. You wanna set of Gold Fronts? Maybe a partial? Or just ONE platinum tooth to let these dudes know you aint playing. Go see my man Carl Alderman aka "The Molar". He's also known and "The Polar" with all that "Ice" he has in his dental shop. He learned this trade while in the West Virginia State Penitentiary. And with earning just surpassing $700,000 this past year, his time served was WELL worth it.

9) Donte Winbush, Owner of "19th Street Chop Shop" aka "East Coast Choppers". Leave your Cadillac unattended in Charlotte if you want to! That Lac will be sitting on Cinder-blocks messing with Tay. That boy is about his paper. And if you want a Range Rover for $22,000, he's the nigga to call. Try $675,000 a year on for size. Mr. Winbush is a 27 year old top 10 Bunk nigga for ya!

10) Russell "Foggy" McNair, Mobile Bartender. For $5, "Foggy" will come to YOUR hood, pop his trunk, and make you a combination of Peach Schnapps, Grand Marnier, Bacardi and Apple Pucker that will make your legs wobble. "Foggy" has been the Mobile Bartender in Houston for 15 years. Who can stop a man who's mobile bar has brought in $602,000?

11) "Ducktape" Billy Williams. Also knowns and "Ducktape Billy" or "Billy D Williams". Billy really doesnt have a job. But if YOU have one and are making enough money, he'll rob and/or kidnap you for a ransom. Most people know of Billy D's antics but they'd rather give him a few thousands than to be stuck in his funky basement. Billy D made $580,000 last year. Im sure he wont be on our list next year. Never had been on their before. He lucked up and found some money in Mrs. Alberta's basement and that lump sum got him close to the Top 10

12) Chester Davis, BBQ Extraordinare. Most people would imagine that barbequing would be a seasonal industry. NOT in Alabama. With all those prestigious football games between Alabama A&M, Alabama State and other SWAC conference teams in that area, Chester has plenty of pork for your fork. FatBack Meat, Hog Head, Chittlings and Neckbones can be found at every Alabama A&M home game. Wasted some sauce on your Leather Pants? At $527,000 a year, he can afford to hand out extra napkins

13) Tangy McMillan, Hair Stylist. She does EVERYBODY elses hair but never seems to have time to do hers. She works from sun up to sun down. Proms, Weddings, Interviews and first dates are when she does her best work for your hair. She has mastered putting orange coloring in hair and dookie braids. I guess $515,000 a year would make you leave your kids at home to fend for themselves while you literally LIVE in the salon

14) "Cut-Throat" Willie Spriggs, Disc Jockey. Willie Spriggs (you gotta say his WHOLE name) or "Cut-Throat Willie", is known for spinning records at ALL of the retirement parties and so forth in the New Orleans and Baton Rouge areas of Louisiana. He knows when to cut on some Boney James and how to mix right in with some R. Kelly. He'll have you stepping in the name of love and in the name of a dollar. At $500 an hour you BETTA be dancing. He pulled in a staggering $501,000 last year.

15) Alphonzo Whitaker, Leading Uptown Street Pharmacist for the Clifton Group located in N.W. Washington D.C. Whitaker brought in a whopping $462,000 this past year. It can also be said for good measure that Phonzo refused to take any $18 sales of Dub bags of skunk. He ranked 21st last year and was determined to make the Top 15. Congrats, I know mommy and daddy will be proud.

16) Geraldine Fletcher, Grand Secretary of the Most Worshipful Watts Welcome Lodge in California. This Eastern Star is dedicated to her lodge unlike no other. She has raised over $5,500 to help Jesse McAfee, a local watts nigga go to Electrician School. Fletcher is worth about $425,000.

17) Janie Culpeper, Master Baker and wife of Langston. Of Course a man is not happy when his wife makes more than him but $402,001.92 isn't alot especially when she charged and extra $1.92 for a strawberry topping on a pound cake. Janie is always out and about and if you see her in her DeVille she is probably making a Cake Run

18) Langston Culpeper, Culinary Master of Grilling. Mr. Culpeper is a chief chef in and out of the kitchen. He is an avid griller and he enjoys February Barbecue. With earnings as up to $402,000, Mr. Culpeper can afford to buy more medicine for all the colds that he catches outside with no shirt on flippin ribs for Black History month

19) Robert "Dundie" Holloway, Country Pimp. From the dirt roads of Suwanee, Georgia, "Dundie" has made his mark on the streets of Detroit and Cleveland. Estimated to make $382,000 this year,
"Dundie" says "The Lord gets the Praise but, I'll never give a hoe NO RAISE"

20) Eddie Moncrief, CEO of OUT DE TRUNK. Anything you need from Lotion products to CD's to Knock off Gazelles and Gucci Shades..........Eddie has it. His YTD totals are estimated to be around $357,000