Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Bunk Fortune 40: 21-40
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

We often recognize the street businessman, but don't really recognize who's who in the world of the street and what it means to achieve optimum success. You often hear how Gates makes the world go round, but lets salute and take a look at those who make their money the unfashioned way.

21. Jerome "Up-Up" Sykes-Putnam, 14th St. Supervisor, 3500 & Clifton Subdivisions: YTD $350,075. This nigga makes sure everything is running smoothly on the rip from window-tinting, weed sales, coke-cutting, free-base temperature, coaching summer league, and running "Adjustment Seminars" for parolees. He is paid well for a man who wears many hats.

22. Anthony "83" Threat, Computer Technician: YTD $340,009. They call him "83" because he was born in 1983 and is a computer wiz, but the crazy nigga once tried to shoot some one with a 38, but had the gun facing the wrong way. It's a good thing he is so skinny, that bullet went right under his armpit.

23. Jacoby Gilliam, Asphalt Nutritionist: YTD $326,500. This boy moves so much weight in North Carolina it is ridiculous. Note: Gilliam was locked up in May and his assets were frozen, figure reflects earnings, since released for parole.

24. Abnus Littman, Owner of Littman's Liquors: YTD $225,903. He was tied with Vestee White, but someone bought a scratch ticket just before the books were tallied.

25. Vestee White, Fisherman: YTD $125,902. A world renown Catfish Master. This competitive fisherman has won numerous fishing events nationwide. He is currently in North Carolina trying to get a title in grouper.

26. Stuvius Smith, Dry Cleaner and owner of Stuviusly Dressed: YTD $123,457. He launders clothes and money, get with him if you moving too many kilos.

27. Renaldus Wynn, Registered Nurse: YTD $123,456. He works as a RN at Providence Hospital in Washington, DC, but has a key to medicine closet. Needless to say he's selling Viagra by the slab.

28. Dionte Willis, Dock Worker/Boardwalk Hustler in Atlantic City New Jersey: YTD $117,348. A knowledgeable man of the finer things ranging from Porsches to cartons of Newports and crates of Remy. He can get his hands on pretty much anything.

29. Tommy Nichols, Owner of Tommy Tows, a tow truck company: YTD $115,775. He has been towing cars in Detroit for 8 years, but the cars he tows usually have snow on and/or in them. Winter's coming so expect him to skyrocket up on this list very soon.

30. Johntay Dixon, Owner of Dixon's Bricks: YTD $112,114. He inherited the company from his grandaddy John Dixon, and has made it work for himself. A hard worker whose dap feels like Alabama torture.

31. Trina Phillips, Waitress at H2O: YTD $82,075. She earns her tips, and steals plenty. She sells meat, lettuce, and any kind of wine she can find out the back of that club.

32. Mr. Phyllis Cox, Hairdresser and Owner of Phyllis Good: YTD $81,009. This homosexual hairdresser, has won a Golden Scissor Award every year for the past 6 years. Note: we have deducted some $20,000 that Mr. Phyllis spends on his upkeep.

33. Nancy Dykes, Comfort Operator: YTD $79,409. She provides lesbian comfort for a reasonable price to many lesbians in the community, whether they are people, dogs, plants, or even winos.

34. Sylvester Miles, Metro Train Operator: YTD $78,487. He is a train operator who excepts, and forcefully urges tips. When Metros fares go up, so do his.

35. Doctor Willie Leake, Home-Schooled Dentist: YTD $77,777. He is what you would call a bootleg dentist, and gets his novocaine from Renaldus Wynn, and gives good prices on his work.

36. DJ Buster Brown, Underground DJ of WPIS in Atlanta: YTD $75,006. Underground kingpins pay him a pretty penny to divert police as he leads his broadcasts over CB radios, channel 37 on your CB dial.

37. Mary Thompkins, Bridge-player: YTD $75,003. She has been at it a long time, and this 67 year old hasn't even hit her peak. Originally from St. Louis, she makes her mark in Vegas, and doubles as a Lena Horne impersonator.

38. Bobby "Beauty-O" Barker, Club Owner of Trixie's and The Stretchmark: YTD $74,999. His location robs him achieving greater financial success. Nobody wants to go Chesapeake to see exotic entertainment.

39. Tony "Ring Tone" Peete, Assistant Manager of Scorpion Wireless: YTD $64,057. He works off of commission, and has been at Scorpion Wireless for 8months, his knowledge of Baltimore, and burn-out sells will propel this young man to the top of the Bunk 40 one day.

40. Fat Teddy Willis, Dock Worker down the Wharf: YTD $60,001. This man has anything you need, and if he doesn't he can have Dionte ship it down from Atlantic City. He specializes in TV's and Bob Ross paintings.