Tuesday, October 26, 2004

"Crimewatchers Vol. 2"
by: Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

This weeks edition of Crimewatchers brings us to the home of Carnell "Poot" James. Carnell is a fixture in the Eastgate community of Southeast, DC. He still sometimes cops a little something for sales. Carnell who has been married to his wife Javonne for over 3 years, is affectionately known as "Poot" for his affinity for the gasmatic. This nigga is liable to break wind anywhere and anytime, he has been known to fart on cocaine hand-to-hands and make pipehands grab their own tails as if they broke gas. "Poot" breaks wind while making love, "He once farted on me while we were doing it in Iverson Mall's parking lot", said Vonda Hurst, 2 lovers removed.

Although a fixture in the drug community in Greater Southeast, "Poot" has never been convicted of a crime, he holds a regular job paying good money at HUD. However, "Poot" is accused of ducking jury duty for almost 40 years. He has been receiving summons and running from truant marshalls for years. He is always determined to never go, hell bent on sticking to his guns, he has ducked and dodged the Moultrie Courthouse for years. He was finally caught 2 days ago.

Carnell was coming down C Street and saw the Officer Wyles coming towards his house, so he broke out and ran through Mrs. Pettway's yard, jumping over a pond and snaking thru the fence. Wyles stumbled in the pond, but managed to keep after "Poot". Carnell hid down Mr. Pugh's back stairwell, as he waited for Wyles to go on by, and he could go to Larchmont to kill some time before Wyles was off the clock. Standing in the well of Pugh's backstairs, a hollow area, known for its acoustics, and where the winos would go and sing during the day, Carnell lets loose the loudest fart known to B, C, and F Streets. Courdoroy's couldn't even muffle it, a skunk couldn't hide the smell, and reindeer couldn't slay that dragon. Wyles heard the gas echoing in the well of the backstairs and and found Carnell instantly.

Carnell is shown above with his wife Javonne, as "Poot" James entered the juror's lounge, "Man I got so nervous, my butt just removed itself from me, it was like I couldn't feel it, I couldn't do anything, hell I even laughed when it happened, felt like when Bill Cosby used to kiss Rudy, except it was butt to courdoroy. The mutha of all zerberts." "Poot" is currently serving on a case for theft of Walter Barray's Black Passion paintings.