Monday, September 27, 2004

Sal's Corner
"Embarrassing Moments"

We all have them. It's no need in denying it. Why deny it? Somebody says something and you are just flat out embarrassed. Plain and simple. You do something and it goes wrong, you are embarrassed. Let's talk about typical embarrassing moments

* "Remember Me?" - This might be an embarrassing moment for both parties involved but, moreso for the person who swares up and down they knew you back in the day. You ever met somebody and they said "Yeah we went to High School together". The worst thing to say is "I DONT REMEMBER YOU". That's a crushing blow. Especially if it's a person of the same sex as you and they are with their significant other. Cause you know how we do, we pump ourselves up to our lady friends and women pump themselves up to their men about how "Like Dat" they were back in the school days. Then Jimmy walks up and you try to "dap em up" and he hesitates to extend his hand. He has that "WHO is this clown wit da tight button up on" look. After you jog his memory by telling him you were the guy who got a wedgie in 4th period, he remembers.

Sidebar....True Story: I had a "Remember Me" happen to me a few weeks ago. I went to a meeting. I sat RIGHT next to this young lady in the meeting. I had to "skoot" passed her to get to my seat. So you would guess we would remember each other 2 weeks later! WRONG. I saw her at another function and we ran into each other. We were introduced by a mutual friend and we held a convo. I was like "Yeah you remember that meeting we were at?". She stopped.......gave me the "Who is the dude" look and was like "Oh you were there!". Mind you, like 2 of my friends are right there. They bussed out laughing after I said in a low voice "I sat right next to you". The meeting was like 2 hours yall! 2 LONG HOURS. Back to the article........

* Cursing - Man, some of yall got foul mouths. Some of yall have NO control whatsoever over your foul mouth. And then you went in the grocery store. And for some reason there are no more peaches in Aisle 3. You get to cursing up a storm. And who else but Sister Tuckerman from the church comes waltzing down the aisle to get peaches. Every other word is a mutha this and a mutha that. Needless to say, next Sunday you'll be down at the altar and you'll make sure Sister Tuckerman sees you walk down.

* Bank Accounts Pt. 1- Oh this one is serious. You been in J.C. Penney's shopping for hours. You done picked up shirts, put down shirts, tried on suits and ALL. You waited in the long line and get to the front. Pull out that card and..........all of a sudden that machine aint sounding like a receipt is gonna come out. The lady tells you that your card has been rejected. You forgot that your credit is bad and the electric bill is drawn outta your account automatically and today IS the 18th! You know they take it out on the 18th of every month! Now your balance aint $245 like you thought it was.

* Bank Accounts Pt. 2 - How about for you college students? The time is 12:00 Noon on a Friday. The weekend is nearing. You just left class and you headed STRAIGHT for the ATM. Granddaddy said he was putting that $100 in your account so you could have some "pocket change" for the weekend. The line at the ATM is long. I mean LONG! You got 15 people behind you. You go into your account. (Now you know you gotta check the balance FIRST before you withdraw). You check the balance, and it says -$4.35. And all of the curse words in the world come to your mind about granddaddy! And all of a sudden you are REALLY hungry! Why is it that we get hungry when our account is low. When it's at $100 or $300, we aint but when its -$4.35 we liken ourselves to somalians! And don't forget, ALL 15 of the people behind you see the rejection written all over your face. Oh but it's no need for them to laugh too hard. I guarantee that half of them have granddaddy's slacking on putting that money in on time. Or what about when you only have $8 in your account and the ATM requires that you take out in increments of $10. You ever walked in a bank and did a withdrawal for $5.25. OH IT'S EMBARRASSING.

* Laughter gone wrong - I like to laugh, I like to laugh hard. But you gotta always watch what you are doing before and while you are laughing. Eating, drinking, or a bad case of gas can lead to disaster situations. The hardest thing to do is have a convo with someone and they laughed and slob all over themselves. You have to look beyond that. If it's someone of the opposite sex, you have to maintain your attraction for them despite the fact that their face looks like they have reentered their infant stages. Or you have some people who just had to sip that grape juice before you said a funny joke. Now they looking like they've just had communion all over their shirt. The worst is farting while you laugh. For every comedian, this is the goal. Farting or causing someone to spit water/soda/juice from their nose. That's the ultimate. If you can't control your gas while someone is telling jokes, that is the sign of a good comedian. But it's not a good sign for the "farter". Ive had it happen to me. It's the weirdest feeling. Cause when you laugh so hard you grab your chest. Then you fart, now you put your hands behind you. So it's happening so fast that you look like you're doing the Pee-Wee Herman. Then you try to reenact the noise with your foot to make it seem like it wasnt your butthole that caused the problem. And you have it all taken care of...........well that's until the smell comes along. That smell didnt come from your feet. Try the eggs and waffles you had earlier. Then you try to walk away. But we all know it was you. But when you walk away it follows you. And you were laughing the hardest, you made the noise and now it's a foul smell so we know you're the one! We're just waiting for you to ask where the bathroom is so you can check your drawls.

"Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"