Tuesday, September 14, 2004

by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

Stephanie "Stuffy" Woodstock is a senior at Norfolk State University who is looking for love. A woman who appreciates the value of a tall 40 oz. and some ox tail on a Friday night,"Stuffy" doesn't mind going to 7-11 for snacks after an evening of chimney ash with her man. A great cook and the self-proclaimed inventor of duck-sauce chicken fingers,"Stuffy" is no stranger to hot sauce. This Home-economics major whose minor is Salsa dance and seasoning has been working very hard to create buffalo-popcorn, and versa-twinkee in which the outside is icing and the inside is that twinkee fluff. She has been working hard to complete her thesis and final project, the complete campus of Norfolk State made out of graham and animal crackers, and ginger-bread. A pretty good dancer who enjoys music by Gangsta Boo, Teena Marie, and anything by C-Bo, Stuffy is looking for love. If you or any young boy would like to get into some Stuff give us a shout at 301-455-3534.

Sammy White is a hoeless romantic in need of some loving. A professional star-gazer and graffiti investigator for the 5th District Police Department, Sammy is looking for someone to share his unique passions. He is an expert in the work of "Cool Disco Dan" and the works of "NTN", and is often called upon to investigate the city's arsonist graffiti. He is known for solving the Giraffe Murders back in 1988, one of the cities most baffling mysteries. Serial killer Clyde "Half-and-Half" Nelson was killing strippers, and spray painting giraffes on their dead naked bodies. White's keen eye and knowledge of left-handed spray-paintery lead him to his old finger painting buddy Clyde. When asked how did he solve the mystery, Sammy responded, "it was the semi-squit technique used by Nelson that made me know it was him, well that and crazy Nelson was called Giraffe-boy when we were young boys at the Antelope Academy, and he spray painted his naked-butt with black magic marker spots." With such a keen eye for freaks in crime, it is a shame that he can find such lovable freaks when he is done with his 9 to 5. This man is on the market, and is hoping to find a woman who enjoys naps under cheetah-colored quilts and watching tv on red leather futons. If this interests you, or you want to know how to become a graffiti investigator please check www.ebonylonesomes.com/mildlyafrican or call 301-455-3534 in order to hook up with this bound stud.