Wednesday, September 15, 2004

"The Bamma Within"
By Gartrelle W. Sexton, Esq.

One of DC's favorite slang words is "Bamma." Bamma basically means
anything or anyone that is not cool. In NY, you might be called an "herb." In
LA, a "mark" or "buster." I think you get the point. The thing about bammas
is that they don't know they are bammas and they go through life oblivious
to their bammaness. They embrace their inner bamma and say and do things
that are not, or more importantly, should not be acceptable to the general

If you and your boys ever had a go-go band and y'all was always going to "pracktiss" but NEVER performed anywhere, y'all were some bammas.

If you ever had a "rat-tail" growing out the back of your head, you were a bamma. And so was your mother or father for letting you do something like that.

If you used to brag that your cousin worked for Rayful, you were a bamma.

If you ever wore you clothes backwards a la, Kriss Kross, you were ammaB.

If you ever wore one black Reebok Classic and one white Reebok classic at the same time, you were a bamma.

If your uncle still wears your old pair of Used Jeans, he's probably a drunk bamma.

If you used to cut your jeans at the seams on the bottom of the leg so that they could fit over your shoes, you were a nut-hugging jeans wearing bamma.

If you ever wore one of those white silky Versace shirts with the gold and black trim designs, you were a trendy bamma.

If you call WPGC 95.5 and dedicate a slow jam to your boo, you are a whipped bamma.

If you walk around public banging on trashcans or anything else as if it is a drum set or a conga and your name is not "Go-Go Mickey", you are a bamma.

If you still wear matching outfits to Kings Dominion, you are a stuck in 1987 bamma.

If you go to the club every weekend and never meet any women, you are a no game having bamma.

If you wore them extra wide leg bell-bottomed jeans back in late '93, early '94, you were a bamma.

If you still wear a big French roll in your hair, ladies you are a wanna-be Baltimore bamma.

If you wear a suit that is red, royal blue, purple, green, yellow, or orange, you are a zoot suit bamma.

If you drive a car with racing stickers/car tattoos, you are a Fast and Furious bamma.

If you can be found at the 55 Club every payday, you are a lonely bamma.

If at any time you had a S-Curl, you were a greasy bamma.

I usually end my pieces with something witty or profound, but when it comes to being a bamma, there are only three words that I can think of:

"Don't be one."

by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

Ervin Evers is another of our singles looking to get busy and in search of love. A lover of fried chicken, and pretty legs, Ervin is looking for a lady to do some cooking, cleaning, and taking care of his needings. Ervin specifically stated that no boogerbears need apply. He needs a woman that can fry up some chicken and some corned-beef hash, cabbage, and some rutibagea pie. Ervin Evers is also missing, the picture above was taken at his brother Tyroy's 15th wedding anniversary shower. He was last seen getting on the X2 bus headed toward Florida Ave. Mrs. Evers, Ervin's momma, isn't worried despite the fact he has been missing for three days. "The nigga is probably just sleep. His third grade teacher told me he slept from September to June his sophomore year of the third grade." His former girlfriend Linda is worried, because after Ervin put this personal ad in, he was supposed to go by her house after the wedding shower. If any former lovers or hopeful-future lovers of Ervin have seen him, touch him and wake him up, and let him know his search for love is over, and that Mrs. Evers wants a coat of wax put on her Lincoln before the weather changes. Please contact Ervin at