Friday, September 24, 2004

Automotive News
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

Leroy Coles was the winner of this year's Celebrity Datsun Car Show. He won a detailing kit and a nused Datsun from Ophelia' Nused Cars this past Friday. Datsun dealers across Michigan, and North Carolina brought their finest and most shiny Datsuns in an effort to claim the title of Mr. or Mrs. Datsun. Young Leroy has been driving his momma's '82 Datsun since he was eleven years old. He reupholstered the
seats with his grandmother's old pocketbooks ranging from Dolce to Enzo. He replaced the seatbelts which were made of velcro to ones made of refurbished suspenders, provided by his formerly fat twin cousins. Leroy also won 500 dollars in prize money, which he plans to spend on fudge cookies, and some mink & poodle floormats.

Former alley-mechanic Darnell Ford was caught by the Black Alley Mechanic Caucus for switching Impala parts with Caprice, Bonneville, and Parisienne parts. His
work under the hood, has always been a bit questionable. His "supercharged oil-checks" always made the seniors wonder just what was he doing. "That boy turned my poor Escort into a killer," said Millie Holly after Darnell had given her a "super-charged oil-check". Darnell was laundering high-end car parts into cars throughout his Northwest neighborhood.

"He liked to turn Madison Street into the Autobon", says Scottie Hayward, a resident of 7th and Madison St. Darnell had put many Porche parts into smaller cars throughout the neighborhood. This harbored spitefulness came about after Darnell was fired from the Porche dealership for his untidy station. He often left oil marks on rich yuppy paint jobs. Darnell was quoted at his Black Alley Mechanic Caucus
hearing as saying "if it wasn't a problem with the work, have some other nigga wipe that oil off, they wiped oil off of White Fred's cars all the time. They closed the door and wouldn't even speak to me. Now they wonder why all they carry is Mazda gas caps."