Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Retirement Banquet
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

The Benning Road Banquet Hall, located at 34th and Benning worldly known as the Chateau, will proudly host the retirement banquet for Charlie "Chuck" Roberson. He often goes by "Candy Man", "Chucky Bucks", and "Charlie Robes", a renown sugar daddy to the least will be retiring all of his understudies of the Sugar Shack. You see, the Sugar Shack is like a 401k plan for old black dudes with a lot of money, a couple of baby-mommas and grandbaby-mommas. A lot of brothers in that 42-64 year age range have passed through Roberson's program in an effort to attain young stallions and old brickhouses alike.

Charlie Robes is leaving the Sugar Shack, for a more polyester and suede-filled world of music. Known to sang a lil bit, Chucky Bucks was discovered when his second wife Jeanetta heard him singing in the shower. Maybe it was the acoustics, or that knotty-head from the night before but, Chucky sounded right nice singing in the naked bucky. She told some of her good girlfriends about Chucky's singing, needless to say he wound up singing to them in their respective showers as well.

Charlie Robes will be leaving the Sugar Shack to its associate coordinators Andre "Mr. Medusa" Mead, and Sweet Richard Cox. Chucky Bucks however is not giving up sugar daddying on his own, and will be touring in Memphis starting at the very end of the month. His debut album Candy Man, hits bootleggers anytime between now, and whenever T-Note gets his computer online, and will be in stores in two weeks. The seven track album includes "Candy Man", "You Will if it's My Wood", "Mahogany Mainstay", "Sweet Brown Running Boards", "Show Me that Thongmaker", and "Cable Car Love". Tickets for the banquet can be obtained at Harold Penier's for 37.50, at the Chateau, or from Pierre's Tuxedo and Zootery. To order the "Candy Man" please call 301-455-3534, if you are kept on hold you can hear "Cable Car Love" for free while you wait, Ms. Womack's grandboy lil Benoit hooked up her call waiting. You can also log on to

"News & Notes for the Week of 8.27.04"
By Salvador Gabor

Good morning readers! It is our job not only to make you laugh but..........make you laugh more. But, in the meantime between let me unruffle this paper and read these notes that were submitted to me.

* In Decatur, Georgia, Wesley Jenkins, who is the President of UMNDWA, the Unemployed With No Desire to Work Assocation has announced that he and his constituents are pushing the Georgia State Legislature to make the "Mosquito" the State Bird. Although small in size, Jenkins argues that this bird plays a major part in the state as a whole. "Them thangs are aggrevating" says Jenkins. Because he has no job (hence he is the President of UMNDWA), he feels the affects of the Mosquitos. He cannot finish sentences without reaching down and scratching his leg. "Mayne! a nigga can't even wear a short-set out chere" exclaimed Mr. Jenkins. There is no word on whether or not the state will look into Wesley Jenkins' arguement

* Lumis Quartley, Head of the 1-5 Millionaires along with Clyde Rigsby of Parkland Gardens will recovene at the Richmond Civic Center this Saturday to discuss matters such as "Chopping up $7 Crack for those who are $3 short". It will be a brief meeting followed by the Afterparty for the Ricky "Boo-Boo" McAdoo Kickball Draft Celebration which will be announced in detail here on the site in the days to come.

* We also wanna send out a speedy recovery to Mrs. Alberta Covington who slipped and fell on her back at the 31st Baptist Church of Tuskegee while shouting. Mrs. Covington's grandparents helped build that church so any legal actions will have to be settle outside of a court.