Friday, August 27, 2004

Pioneer in Negresscence
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

Today we would like to salute a pioneer in negressence. Andrew T. Williams, also known as "KungFu Dru" or the "Judo Dude", is a martial artist who trained along side Karate Ken, Karate Keith, and Karate Antoine. Together they trained under the watchful eye of Jim Kelly tapes. They perfected moves, named for animals and random things Karate Keith's grandmother would shout from the back room. Their styles ranged from Jaguar to Jim Brown, Soda Pop to Courdoroy, and the ever deadly Black Lightning and Black Ice.

The year was 1975, and the foursome, practiced their martial arts almost anywhere, but they especially enjoyed going to public parks and karating it up. "Kung Fu Dru" sometimes seemed to have a mean-streak. He is known to push his dojo-mates to the limit, often times using contact in non-contact sparing. Karate Ken and Keith didn't approve of his tactics, and it was at this point that the Judo Dude began running with the Hoover Deuces and some funky white dudes. He began learning some weapons tactics, and M9 attack monkey training.

Williams' newly acquired knowledge of Remy Martin bottle bombs, cocaine explosives, his fleet of attack monkeys gave him a freakishly dangerous mindset. His uncle worked for PEPCO and WASA, DC's electric and water utility comapnies, and Williams stole his maps of the cities sewer systems and high voltage areas. his combined with his knowledge of Southwest alleys, and the 2months he spent taking long lunches at Southeastern gave him the foundation to become the first Black terrorist.

He cooked up a scheme to break into government buildings to obtain access to top secret documents, he just never figured out which ones to steal. The "Judo Dude" was more obsessed with kicking butt than taking names. He finally attempted to put his knowledge to use and break into the Bureau of Engraving and still a printing press. He had 3 heroin addicts waiting for him in a sewer, and they would help him manuever the money press back to his humble aboad on Delaware Ave. Needless to say this didn't work, Williams controlled his attack monkeys with whistles. Bobby "On Time" Durgins came down the hallway whistling "Reasons" and hit the high note, and the monkeys went crazy. They started biting, kicking, gouging, and ravaging the "Judo Dude". He was rendered helpless especially after one of his cocaine explosives went off and set fire to his afro, and got him high and numb on his whole left side. The police didn't even arrest him, they just sat him outside under the 14th Street Bridge, where he now resides and karates non-stop. We would like to salute a monkey of a man, the "Judo Dude".

"Musical Legends"
By Salvador Gabor

Shadrach, Meshach and the Bendy Goats have been around for 40 years. Their time has been spent traveling, singing and maintaining the flyest threads in the Gospel circuit. Shadrach Winbush (second from the left) began this Gospel group in the 1960's when he was denied a chance to sing with Issac Turner and "Nutbush", an upstart rock group in Chicago. Ole Shad said "If I can't sing Rock, God will always let me sing". Shad and his cousin Meshach Winbush (pictured with the glasses) began the group. They were often called the Isley Brothers of Gospel.

Reginald Talley (Far left) Hubert "Big Bo" Turnbo (Pictured in the middle) and Roger "Smiley" Simmons (Far Right) joined in on this long ride of success. Their first hit single "Church Bidness" was a smash hit and it exposed many of the false teaching preachers who took money from the offerings. Then they went on tour and performed another of their long list of hits. "Who got the Raffle Ticket" was a song that talked about a free Bus Trip to Mississippi and how Shad found the lord on that Bus when he was really looking from some women.

After 40 years, "The Bendy Goats" are still going strong. They've even modernized their music to adjust to the 21st Century. Their new hit "2 Baby Mommas in the Same Choir" has hit the charts and hasn't stopped smoking! They also have a rap song called "Pulpit Pimpin" and Lord knows where that may lead this group.

For more info dial 301-455-3534 and ask for Tate Willenborough.