Friday, August 06, 2004

"The Magical World of Lou Jackson"
By Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

Welcome boys and girls, niggas and ladies, to the first trip to the Magical World of Lou Jackson. Now sit down Indian-style and take it all in. Now don't forget to look both ways before crossing the street Marc grab Man-Man's hand before I get you both.

You might be wondering what is so magical about the world of Lou Jackson, it looks just like South Carolina. Well my friends, have you ever met a man with a pet squirrel, or a lady made out of chocolate, a real-live archangel or a wino who didn't dance. Put the music on, welcome welcome to the Magical World of Lou Jackson.

There was a man named Peephole Brooks. Now they called him Peephole because he claims to have invented the peep-hole but, Tommy Tammy's brother Tommy with the electric walker told me they started calling him that because he would stand so close to the peep-hole when he rang your doorbell, they just started calling him Peephole. Now old Peephole was an interesting man to say the least. He enjoyed boxed-wine, pickled herring, and actually prefered to eat fish-bait more than the fish itself. It was through his early morning fishing in Charleston, SC eating half-cooked chicken-livers that he met what would become his life-long friend, Rudy.

You see Rudy was a squirrel. Rudy came up to Peephole and asked him for some of them chicken-livers, "Say nigga what's up with a breakdown?" Peephole was shocked, not that the squirrel was talking to him, hell he heard squirrels all the time when he would sit in the woods and do his "potting". He was shocked that Rudy asked him for some BBQ sauce for them livers. They sat and they talked fished a little bit, and talked some more. Before they knew it Thursday had come and gone. Rudy, quite the avid jitterbugger, learned that Peephole was quite the harmonica player. Rudy could also do summersaults, and other flips on demand, well he was a squirrel, but his movement had a nigga-like rhythm to it.

It was at this very moment that the two figured they could make a living thru their friendship. I mean how often is it that you see a man with a pet squirrel, not to mention ole Rudy talks. So summer rolled around and they figured why not try out for the circus. The Dingaling Brothers Varnum and Vincent Circus always came around. They figured they would try-out for the circus, but the line was too long. There were all kinds of people in the line bearded old ladies, mustached young tramps, a lady made of chocolate named Coquinda but they called her Co-Co. There was even a white man named Ritz in the line with the butt of his pants cut out, telling racist jokes.

Needless to say the competition was stiff, so Rudy and Peephole thought of something different. They waited til the elephants were moving off stage during the show, and they ran onto the stage. Peephole on his harmonica, and Rudy doing his jitterbug, they even found a unicycle for Peephole and took turns on the harmonica. This nigga-squirrel combo took off like a rocket dipped in fishgrease. The Brothers Dingaling immediately signed them, and loved the way they ran out the crowd to perform. "It was sheer genious, like a combination of Albert Einstein and Sir Francis Dooling mashed into one potato".

Well that concludes this week's edition of the Magical World of Lou Jackson. Who knows what he will uncover next time. It's like a jungle some time it makes me wonder how Junebug hustles undercover.

"The Coca-Cola All-Stars"
By Salvador Gabor

The Rayful Edmonds'/Richard Porter "Traveling Coke All Stars", sponsored by Coca-Cola announced the captains for the starting line-up yesterday. Defensive coordinator Butch Reed, a Detroit native, announced that Linebacker Lawrence Taylor and Defensive End Dexter Manley would be Co-Captains for the defensive squad. "I needed older, wiser, veteran-like players to lead this defensive team".

On the offensive side, Alberto Martinez, the offensive coordinator decided that youth would be the way to go with choosing captains. Running Back Ricky Williams, who was traded from the "Garcia Vega GREEN Wave" was introduced as a Co-Captain on offense. But, in a SHOCKING move, newly acquired quarterback Quincy Carter was introduced as the second captain for the offensive squad.

Stay Tuned for more details on the upcoming "Traveling Coke All Stars" tour. For more info call Ruby Taylor at 301-455-3534