Cookout Etiquette: Chapters 23-27
By Reggie Dinkins, Jr.
Yeah I know Cookout Season has been in full swing for a little while now, but there are certain things that I have to get off my chest. As many of us in the 23-27 year old age group, we are in the changing age group as far as cookouts are concerned. It is kind of like when you stop sitting at the kiddie table at Thanksgiving but, it is so much deeper. Take a journey with me, but don't stray because this jungle is deep, and those vines might be alive.
Couples: Let me break this down in sections. You have many different types of couples who show up at cookouts, but allow me to focus in the specified age group. The big "hungry" girl and her boyfriend who loves her to death. Now I may have thrown you off with "hungry". This girl isn't hungry for ribs like Rodrick "the Ribbler" Tidwell aka "RibTips", she is hungry for love and/or lust. She is in the yard rubbernecking and look-a-whoing to the point, where her prey even knows, hell her man even knows. Have some etiquette about yourself Kanella, you could have left Craig at home if you are going to act like that.
There is the very attractive and/or not-so attractive girl with the overprotective dude. Oh man these guys are the worst. These fellas either know people are looking or THINK people are looking at their lady. The type of guy pressed to put his arm around his lady, not because he feels that strongly for his woman, but because he feels threatened or feels the need to show off his prized possession. Nigga clutch your Corvette, and stop tripping. Charnice went to school with Dewey and Keith, they just got more personality than you do.
Workers: Now in order for a cookout to be successful, someone must sacrifice and work at the cookout. Now many of us in the specified age range aren't really used to this. We are just getting accustomed to bringing beer to the party for strangers to consume. Now whether it's Bobby or Julian who gets on the grill, you must have had proper training. By proper training I mean, USE BBQ sauce. I have been to 2 cookouts hosted by people in my age group and neither had BBQ sauce. What is a BBQ without BBQ sauce? That is like having a pool party without a pool, a concert without Mystikal and only his mother singing songs next to the DJ booth. Now maybe I am serious about BBQ sauce, which I am, but we as the young up-and-coming grillers in Black Backyards Across America must step up to the plate, now I am not saying you have to make your own, but get that Sweet Baby Ray's.
The Bunk: Oh they arrive at different times, each group rationing off their influence in their specific time frame. The pretty girls arrive at different times. There is one group who is already there, and you think "hmm they got a few lookers". Surely they are to be outstaged by the 5 o'clock crew, they show up a little late, and they look better than the first. They steal Melissa and 'ems fire. However that 5 o'clock crew is followed by that 5:30 crew, now this is where it gets serious. Two groups of bad joints arriving at practically the same time, and please don't let there be a pool in the yard, if that is Shayla's bikini I see up under that skirt....
Now some of the bunk arrive with intentions of getting drunk. They might not bring beer, but there are certain polite members of bunk-mafia who will leave the cookout and bring back dranks (dranks is beer and liquor for those of you ignorant to the bunk). There are also some who will show up "drawnk". This is usually a threesome of the following, one wild dude who is gonna have you laughing, a nigga who is sleep, and another nigga just chilling to the highest level of chilling (A girl sometimes arrives with them, she is usually beatifully built and handles the arts and crafts of the construction paper).
There are many other people sitting in and outside the yard. Some for decoration and others with a purpose. Make sure you are aware of those things that go on at cookouts, whether they are Yuckmouth sitting on his car with the heat, or ole Tasha drunk off Smirnoff selling fish sandwiches. Cookout season is in full swing, and for any info please check www.ebonycookouts.com and call (301) 455-3534, ask for Niles or Ethel Womack.