Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Sal's Corner (cont'd)
"BUNK" Part 2

Before you read any further, PLEASE stop. Just stop and if you have a strong imagination I want you to think of a song. How bout.........."The Electric Slide". YEP that's it. NOW, as you read KEEP that song in your head. Forget the lyrics, they are useless right now. Just, keep the beat in your head. Can you hear that whistle? OK. you hear it too? Aight let's keep it moving.

Now don't lose that beat cause it's what gets us in a "BUNK" mood. The reason why that song is important is because "The Electric Slide" was one of my first exposures to the "BUNK" lifestyle. Your daddy could be on the side eating ribs and chilling. He hears that song and almost spills the whole rib plate on his white linen suit tryna run to that floor. The reaction when that song comes on is unstoppable. Don't bring your caucasion co-worker along to the "get-to-together". You tryna act all sophisticated like you don't drink Steel Reserves and nip on a lil Mad Dog. Then THAT song comes on. And you can't help it! That's that "BUNK" feeling. Now I'm a show yall how to spot a "BUNK" person...........

* Technology - If your mother and father have cell phones, DVD's, satellite TV and pagers but, don't know how to work em..........YET they know the steps to the "Electric Slide".......oh it's some "BUNK" going on in here.

* Denim - Too much Denim can get nasty. You, your wife AND your son JT at the concert with Jean Outfits on is NOT cool. That's that "BUNK".

* Adding the letter "S" to words - For those of you who live near D.C., don't you just wanna scream when that old lady says "YEAH I been to DreamSSSS"? The place is called "DREAM" not "DreamS"!. "Tell Gloria to pick me up a carton of Milk from the SafewayS". The grocery store is call Safeway. There is NO "S" at the end. Or what about this......."Those are some nice Gentlemens over there for you Retha". You betta hope that Retha doesn't walk up to one of them men talking all "BUNK" like that. Gentlemen is plural, no need for an "S".

* Adding the letter "R" to words - Now "BUNK" people TRY to be sophisticated SOME of the time. They might get up in Red Lobster and say......."I think I'll take a SODER". "BUNK" people have been "BUNK" so long that they don't think that proper pronounciations of words may end in vowels. In the example, they may use "SODER" but, they are tryna say "SODA". Or they might go to a furniture store and say "I'm looking for a burgundy SOFER". It's SOFA.

Sidenote: Now if you haven't heard any of these examples then you aint been exposed to "BUNK". For those who are and have been exposed, turn that radio up in your mind. Can you still hear the "Electric Slide"?

* Eating while out of town - If you eat Off-Brand Honey Buns, Liver Pudding, Pork Rinds, and or sit in the open area of the double-doors of your van while eat cheese sandwiches.............your are definitely "BUNK".

* House Attire - Gowns, nighties and robes are to be worn before 10:00 A.M. and After 9:30 P.M.. Anything between those hours can be grounds for being seen as being "BUNK". Now grandmothers, women over 60 and pregnant women are an exception.

* Basement - If you still have that "red light" by the defunct bar in your basement you are "BUNK". And it wouldnt't hurt to take those Rick James posters down either.

* Crossed Legs - "BUNK" women don't cross their legs. Most of em say "Shoot Im 65 years old. Whoever wanna see my stuff is just gonna have to see it cause my leg is too sore to be lifting over top of the other".

Ya know........I had many examples of "BUNK" behavior but, I can't do a "BUNK" Part 12!!! I just can't. We'll be here for years. But, just read over parts 1 and 2 and if you see any questionable "BUNK" behavior, feel free to email me. If you have any stories of "BUNK" people, I'd be happy to listen to them. I'm always ready and eager to hear about my "BUNK" people. Yes.....MY people. Deep down I too am "BUNK". But, I strategize my "BUNKness". We all need it from time to time. Just don't overuse it. "Lord Willin, Rome Feelin".

People to Stay Away From (for the month of July)
By Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

As the weather gets warmer, it makes the weird niggas swarm. Folks get crazy and tend to stray way away from the norm. Now we as people know there are certain things that we ought to stay away from, like fatty foods, fat people in tight spaces, and doughnuts with flies in the doughnut case.

People in Flannel: Now it is July and unless you work construction there is no reason that you should be wearing flannel, unless you are over on Walker Mill for the Lumberjack Games on July 32nd. People who are wearing flannel, for non construction/lumberjack reasons, are interestingly dangerous. They are wearing those outfits because they are stuck in a number of time warps, i.e. the mid 80's and early 90's, or because it is suitable front porch attire and because it is a perfect beer-drinking outfit. Nonetheless, you don't want ole Dempsey to come down off that porch.

People with Overly Visible Baby Powder: Now these people tend to be dark niggas over 40, and busty older women. These older males tend to have a t-shirts with cut-off sleeves, and are usually wearing walkmen, which in itself is dangerous. Niggas over 40 should not have walkmen. They could listening to anything from Trouble Funk to Air Raid or The Temptations. Busty older women with powder on their cleavage. This is a very disturbing because you know Ms. Moore is wearing that v-cut turtle-neck because it is Tuesday and then she goes and dumps what appears to be Bisquick all in she shirt. Now she looks like a mother panda ready to nurse Janitor Mixon, who can't get enough of Ms. Moore. Oh I can't forget about my big guys. Big dudes love that baby powder, but I can't blame Big Kevin for trying to stay cool. Not to mention that if Kevin's second layer of self between his neck and hip heats up, we could all be in for a world of trouble.

People with 2 Ice Cream Cones: Now this could be a ploy. Sometimes you are places and they give away free ice cream, and Brenda is acting like she is taking it to Sharon. Needless to say, she is just trying to looking cute with those 2 cones, because she is working hard to seduce Janitor Mixon.

That Nigga with the Crabmeat on His Bottom Lip: Oh you know this guy. If he aint your uncle, he treats you like he is your uncle, or like you are his. He either makes sure you got a beer, or makes a meek face at you when you notice he is on Michelob number 8. This guy sits down and says "oh let me get in this bushel". He is eating crabs early, and that is when crabmeat first meets him. So you notice it, and you are thinking "it comes with the territory", but, 2 beers 12 crabs, and a plate of ribs chicken, potato salad and cole slaw, and it is still just hanging out on his lip. Lodell is in on every conversation, from Redskins-Cowboys talk, to Kobe, and is even showing a pretty girl how to eat crabs. Oh the crabmeat does disappear on the 10th beer, but guess what, it comes right back on Lodell's last long sip. Ladies watch out, he is the nigga that hugs you too tight at family/non-family functions.

"A word to the wino should suffice. If you drink to get drunk, then drunk you will be long after the drink has been drunk." --Lodell Thomas, Minority Shareowner (see Consumation Act of LSE '99) of Bass Liquors--