"Political Outlook: DNC"
By Reggie Dinkins, Jr.
This week is a very important time in American politics. Many valuable opinions are made, choices about our future, and billions of dollars potentially change hands this week. With these national conventions going on, wealth and opportunity as well as safety and education find themselves in a political connundrum. The "DNC" addresses these issues and more.
The "Dice-a-cratic National Convention" is being held in Oakland, CA this year. It is at the "DNC" where future leaders are made, and where current leaders establish themselves as the makers takers and shakers of society. A place where politics are discussed, from Bush-Kerry to Tom and Jerry, from the Capitol to the Crapitol, from the if's and but's of the Cuban Missile Crisis to fifths and cards cut over Hennessey and other "devices". The "DNC" is a great place to be where, hustlers come up and pimps re-up. Catfights erupt over who is the first Bottom-Brawd of the Nation. Feel the fever and smell the chiba of the "DNC".
One of the fresh faces and up-and-coming young dicers at the "DNC" is Julian Sykes-Harris. Only 15yrs old, this young man possesses the charisma needed to hold a crowd without talking loud, but continously shooting craps while his paper is stacked to the clouds. He has achieved nationwide respect throughout the West Coast, New Orleans, DC, and Tex-Arcana as a serious shooter of craps. His year-to-date earnings are estimated at over $372,000. Former spokesperson of the "DNC" Rudy Ray Moore, was present at the Convention last night and described Sykes-Harris' $15,000 supper shoot as such. "From c-lo to Belo, nigga to Phillipino, this mofo is hard to beat though. A monkey or a beracuda ole Jules is a sure straight shooter, whether he is playing for jewels or yards not measured by rulers. I just call him Skippy because he needs no jam, he keeps his money in peanut butter jars when he goes to the can, a real crap shooter a helluva man."
Mr. CIAA, Raleigh's most famous haberdasherer, also appeared at the "DNC's" gala last night, which aired on D-Span, Detroit's Underground Gubment network. Mr. CIAA was featured wearing a beige linen suit from head to toe in order to stay cool in yesterday's 94 degree temperature, a beige linen bucket, and a black belt made of panther skin. The "DNC's" Contributor's Ball, also known as the "Player's Ball", will be held on Friday. Meshach, Winston, Alonzo, and Bradley of the famous GMC GoldMiner's Crew will be in attendance. All men of distinction are encouraged to attend. Nominees for "DNC" Spokesman this year are Shannon "Sooky" Marshall, Pie "Sweet Potato" White, and Dick "Honey" Washington who was quoted last night as saying "Friday night don't get mad if you can't beat me because I'll win, don't be sad if you can't get a ride from me because my passenger is your best friend, don't be glad when I come because you might not see Dick again."