Friday, June 04, 2004

"What's in the yard?"
By Reggie Dinkins, Jr.


As summertime comes upon us, many of us take a look at ourselves and see just what we can do to better our appearance. Little do we know, it all starts from within, but check behind you too, as your mamma would say "clean up behind yourself".

A lot of people often focus with getting their hair did, their fingernails done, and getting some rims. They believe this will help them in their summertime pursuit for a Display for a New Portrayal. All of this sounds good, but let me ask you this...what's in
the "yard"? You go out and wash and wax that car, but what about that old pickup in the "yard"?

You want to have a cookout at the house, but your dog "Pebbles" has "marked" every corner, path, and brick of the patio. Now the yard smells like Benji's gravesite. You and Tony like to sit on the backporch and drink beers in your sparetime, nigga put them cans and bottles in the recycling bin. You cant possibly think Lajuan and both Keishas are going to want to sit amongst all those 40's.

So you don't have a dog, and you have cleaned up the beer cans, so you ready for the cookout. Nigga what's in the "yard"? Five grills are in the "yard", so you can have a cookout but, put some of them in the alley for trash pickup, so Keith and Dewey can have a sit down when they come over. Too many grills and not enough seats, sounds like a KC Masterpiece Cookoff, and not a Tony and Earl Cookout.

You got your two grills, caged the dog up, and cleaned up the beer cans, nigga I hope you cut what's left of your grass. Got so many weeds back there, the ATF drives by 3 sometimes 4 times a week. Oh and you moved the pickup but, what's in the "yard"? That Camaro and that Buick that's what. Tell Tony to park them cars at his own house.

People always say make sure your house is in order before starting a new life venture like marriage, but make sure that "yard" is in order to. Come to grips
with what is immediately behind you prior to inviting someone into your life/house/yard/cookout. If that yard aint clean, don't wonder why the ladies leave
early. Mosquitos, long itchy grass, and Pebbles' pebbles won't keep either of the Keishas there too long, but ole Buttaface Matilda might be there til the
end. Clean that "yard" or you are sure to meet a nigga unwanted..............




"Funkytown"
By Salvador Gabor



When I was young I remember people singing a song ".......I want you to take me to FUNKY TOWN!!!!!!!!!". I never really took that song literally. I knew there was no such thing as a "Funkytown". I hear that song sometimes on commercials or on TV shows and I pay it no attention. But, recently I was taken to "Funkytown". Oh yes, it is a city! I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. But, it wasn't. This town is sho' nuff Funky!

Now that I think of it, I've been to a few "Funkytowns". These towns have a distinct smell. Smog and smoke have filled the air. The people who live in this town are full of that funk that a "Funkytown" has to offer. No, the citizens of these towns take showers. They still stink.

One of the first towns I went to that really stunk was "NEWPORT news". "NEWPORT news" has a distinct smell. I can't even explain it. The next town I went to that was funky was "upper MARLBORO". Real REAL funky for ya. If you go down a lil further you may see ole "BENSON" working in his "HEDGES". Sometimes he does it by himself or he might call his nephew "VIRGINIA SLIM" to come on over and work a lil bit. Most "Funkytowns" don't have animals. The smoke and smog kills them off. Only "CAMELS" can survive in these "Funkytowns".

But, see........the song says "........I want you to take me to Funkytown". That lets you know that I have to ASK to be taken to "Funkytown". You can't KIDNAP me and force me to go there. You can stay in your town when you are on your cigarette breaks but, freshen on up a bit before you push 5 on that elevator door. 'Cause when you come back upstairs smelling like folgers and ashtrays, you have JUST taken me to "Funkytown".