"Too Much Remy"
By Salvador Gabor
I've never had a taste of any alcoholic beverages in my life. Yet, I've had my share of "Remy". I've had some tall glasses of it too! "Remy" is a strong drink. It seems as if my friends always offer me "Remy" and I never have to pay for it. We maybe in a car, we may be at the mall, or we may see an old friend. All of those are great reasons to get some "Remy". Sometimes when you're out, Bootney and the crew will have you WAY too drunk off that "Remy". Yall get to talking about when Ron used to date Juanita or when LJ and Stephanie were dating. Maybe yall saw Barbara Jean and she still is looking good after 3 kids. That "Remy" kicked in. "Remy" will make you talk about trips to Kings Dominion and how you still have them Etonic's in your basement that you wore to that concert back in '87.
"Remy" can do terrible things to your mind. "Remy" starts off ok then it'll have you about to cry. It'll make you call that ex-girlfriend and start up all the arguements yall had 10 months ago. You were all the way over Jeanette until you had some "Remy". You MIGHT have had a chance to get back with her a year or so from now but, you just HAD to park outside her house and when ole Bill came out, you went BIZERK! All that "REMY"! Blame it on ALL THAT "REMY". "Remy" will make you almost kill somebody. That's a strong drink I tell ya! Sometimes I don't grab a cup when I'm wit my homies. I just sit back and watch them drink. I'll watch for a while and then that "Remy" gets to working. I've seen dudes talk about their so-called "Pro Careers". "I coulda been this, I coulda been that"........ I wish you COULD shut up! We don't wanna hear all of that!
But the worst thing that "Remy" can do is have you stuck in the past. Quite naturally, "Remy" makes you think about the old days but, when the "Remy" makes you THINK you are STILL in 1994, you have a problem. Fellas, you have gained a few pounds. Wearing ONLY a new undershirt out in public as if to say you are "fresh" for the day doesn't cut it when you've gone from 195lbs to 215! Ladies, that dress doesn't fit anymore. It JUST doesn't. That's TOO much "Remy". Regina doesn't like you anymore Donald! Yeah Greg, you played HS football with Jerry Rice but, yall don't talk anymore. Yes, she stole your boyfriend Kesha but, Mo and Donza are married with kids now. It just doesn't make sense for you to still be drinking "Remy" EVERYDAY!
So the next time you are out and your friend wants to go half on a bottle of "Reminisce", you tell em "Naw you go on, I'm a stay sober tonight.....too much of that REMY and I'll be ready to slash somebody's tires".