Tuesday, June 08, 2004

"The Root of All Evil"
By Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

There are many influences on society as a whole in this day and age. Some good, but many are detrimental. Money was once known as the root of all evil, and later crack-cocaine received much of this infamous glory. Black folks often refer to the "the
man" better known as the white man for being the root of all evil. Through unbridled research of my own, I have come to realize it is but one man responsible for
many of society's misfortunes.

Much like a politician, this man fills people with thoughts of happy things, even going as far as giving toys to kids. Through these dillusions his trickerygoes unnoticed as he works his grand scheme on the black community. This man even has promised plans of economic worth, guaranteeing a certain satisfaction for the masses. Like a Colombian coke dealer he has served over 60 billion. I think you might know this man I speak of, his name Ronald McDonald.

I know many of you, heavy and culinary-regressed people wonder how could I blame the beloved Ronald McDonald for problems in the black community. Especially after his promises of veggie happy meals, and a more conscious menu for Americans on the go.
Nigga please, take a walk with me on this slip-an-slide of Black America, some might call it Georgia Avenue.

Adolescent behavior is a rising problem in the black community. Basically these lil niggas think they grown. Well you are probablly wondering what ole McDonald has to do with it, it's quite simple my dear Dr. Ranchero. Ole McDonald has a farm and on his farm
are steroid filled cows, chickens, soy, and even some lettuce with a hormonal boost. All these steroids andhormone pumped products are in your McDonald's. Them bag fries pack a lil more punch than a couple extra calories.

The hormones in your McDonald's are showing up in a lack of training bra sales, and a rise in Victoria's Secret output. Many a man have asked "just what is
Vickie's Secret?", well I don't know what it was, but I know it is now Ole McDonald. These hormones are rapidly developing preadolescent and adolescent bodies. Twelve and thirteen year olds look like sixteen year olds, oh and the sixteen year olds look
legal. These increased flesh-mounds speed up sexual activity among the black youth, thus resulting in more teenage pregnancy, which has been ripping thru the
black community like a machete in jungle brush or a fart through a corduroy!

This advanced state of teenage pregnancy creates cycles of teenage pregancy creating a generation of 40 year old grandmas. This generation I like to call the "Number 1's with an Extra Hamburger" are rolling thru Black America in droves. These unguided youth are
running around looking for something to feed their soul and make themselves feel happy. Now what diabolical man promises such things? So many black males looking for fast money, knocking niggas in the head for that fast money or an "Extra Value". Where
can you find such things? That Ole McDonald has a farm.

They ought to change that McDonald's song to "Pusherman":
I'm you momma,
I'm your daddy,
I'm that nigga with the drive-thru alley,
I'm your pusherman.
Want some coke
want some cheese,
for here or to go if you please,
I'm your pusherman.
You know me
I got toys,
Pokemons for girls and boys,
I'm your pusherman.

There you have it, the root of all evil, Ole McDonald himself. I'm not telling you not to eat there, but those too-tight underwear, and that squeaky chair, might be sending you a message. So don't believe the death of the Super-Size will save you, because you
have already paid your dues. That large fry and a medium is the alternative root for you Brand New Heavies.

You might think you slick, but you will wind up big as St. Nick, because a 12 year old should never be thatthick around her "Rockies". Evil lurks, don't those arches look like horns? Lucifer has a drive thru, and a clever way of words. Happy meals don't equal happy people, yeeeeeeeah yeaaaaaaah yeah yeah yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

"Weekend Sports Recap"
By Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

This past weekend, sports fans and hopeful millionaires had an opportunity to strike it rich. "The Belmont Steaks", the final leg of the Ruff N Ready Triple Crown. This annual race of greatness took place Saturday with the favorite "Smarty Wallace", a brown
pitbull from Potomac Gardens, poised and ready to claim the first Triple Crown in 20 some odd years.

The race was to be held off of Belmont St. in NW Washington, D.C., but was later moved to the Kenilworth Go-Kart Track because of better seating. The race began at a
furious pace with "Smarty Wallace" and a pack of 8 other pitbull dogs. Among others favored to place and show in the race, "Bear" the 178 pound rotweiller out of 7th and Madison, "Birds and Stones" a scrawny underfed pitbull hailing from Chesapeake.

The race began about 3:50, standard go-kart time, with "Spiderman", a white pitbull from Temple Hills marked by a irritated case of glass-to-the-eye, creating a web-like scar, taking the early lead. "Spiderman" got a bit unfocused and began gnawing at tires on the racetrack. A German shepherd named "Sylvia" appearedto be in heat and had the other four entrants vying for a piece of her love.

This left "Birds and Stones" and "Smarty Wallace" to navigate the course. "Smarty" took a big lead rounding the course, but got a bit tuckered out as he narrowed the last 25 feet of track, and "Birds and Stones" walked him down and broke up "Smarty Wallace's" bid to win the Ruff N Ready Triple Crown.

Kyree, "Birds and Stones" trainer apologized for breaking up the bid for the elusive Triple Crown but gleefully accepted the renamed Boys and Girls Club Trophy, "The Dog on the Hill Cup" and walked away singing "Must Be Like That".