Monday, April 05, 2004

Sal's Corner
"The Black Athlete"

Over the years, I have heard comments about the black athlete. Some good, some bad. Many of our Caucasian counterparts, such as Paul Hornung, Jimmy "the Greek" and others have felt that the black athlete is supreme to its "caucasian" competitors. This may be the case. Who knows? They say "White Men Can't Jump". I dont know, maybe they can, maybe they cant. I cant say that the black athlete is better, I can just show you what makes the black athlete good.

Dogs: A dog chasing you is better than ANY personal trainer. Trust me. Some middle aged white guy yelling at you to "COME ON, KEEP RUNNING" cant compare to a Rottweiler. You see....."URBAN" dogs are much more angry. Black people dont walk dogs. Nor do we feed them correctly. They need dog food, not left over steak and eggs. That upset stomach makes them angry and ready to chase you right into shape

Police: It's nothing like standing next to a crack dealer, the police pull up and he tosses his product. See if the BOdines pull up and he doesnt toss his bags, you really dont have to run. "Officer, I dont know that nigga, he just asked me for a cigarette.....I swear SIR I SWEAR!". But if he tosses the bags, you GOTTA run. You dont want a crack charge. You gotta basketball dream BOY!

Pistols: Robberies, Drivebys, and everyday beefin is prevalent in the hood. You could be getting off the bus........."POW POW POW". You just gotta get low and get to "bookin" down the street. Bookbag and all. Science project and all. You dropped your tokens..........SO WHAT, keep moving. See........thats why black athletes are good at track........we know how to react to a gun from birth. We are not faster than other athletes, we just get a good jump on a gun. Shoot, Michael Johnson WON a meet one time cause he started running when the official PULLED OUT the GUN!

Women: Black men CHASE women. Most men give up if they see a women they like and she is too far. Black men......we RUN. "Shawdy!..... Hey Pink Shirt...... Babygirl.....Slim in the pink! DAG girl you walk too fast!". And we will talk to you and we are outta breath. We just let her know we ran to get close to her.

The Sun: Alot of the black people from the hood know that in the summer, we dont put our kids in no camp! Especially going AWAY to camp. That's unheard of! I went to camp for ONE day in my life. My mother just let me go wit my cousins that day. Every other day, I was outside ALL DAY. See for some of us, the outside is cooler than the inside. See you KNOW the outside is SUPPOSED to be hot, so your mind adjusts your body to that. But the INSIDE aint supposed to be hot. Your child be like 10 years old having strokes in the back room. You see em in the winter and he cant use one-half of his body. His lips be are turned to the left. All because that house is too hot. The fan just makes noise and you get tired of using them church fans. Plus you cant put your head in the freezer cause Uncle Junebug keeping reaching in looking for them gizzards. But that heat brings out the champion in you. You gotta be longwinded in that game of freeze-tag. Can run too much. You learn to ration your stamina. The kid wit A/C can burn out cause he can always go inside, but YOU.......NO buddy you cant!

The Street Light: We always seem to be a lil bit too far from home when that street light comes on. This develops that "clutch" inside of us. Most Black Athletes make the clutch shots at the END of a game. Black Athletes aint scared cause its 5 seconds left. That's plenty of time compared to the street light coming on and you are 5 BLOCKS away. At least the basket is only 15 feet away.

The Bus: You wake up in the morning and the first thing you say is "I aint gonna be late for school AGAIN"............Now hold it..........Im not talking about the "Cheese Bus". If you rode that, you not "hood" enough for this article. Im talking to niggas who was catching the METRObus at 8 and 9 years old. A youth amongst GROWN Men! Amongst drunks, homelessness and the seen-idle. Plus the "cheese bus" MIGHT just wait for you. But the METROBus waits for NO MAN. I've seen that ad on the BACK of the bus MANY of days chasing the bus for school.

The Ice Cream Truck: Im not gonna even talk about this one that much. Just put it like this, if you've chased one on a hot day that "Fat Frog" betta had been worth it! The Ice Cream truck chase is used to develop your long stride.

Niggas: This may be the most influential reason why the black athlete is considered supreme. Plain and simple, OTHER NIGGAS. Owe a nigga some money. Sleep wit a nigga daughter. Say something about a nigga mother. (Oh dont let her be dead either). Or step on a nigga shoes. See not only do you run faster but your alert skills are better. Running and looking out for niggas that you are scared of helps Quarterbacks from getting sacked, Baserunners from getting "picked off" at first, Point Guards from getting dunked on and you not getting hit by and "End" in a good ole game of Dodgeball. You ever seen that nigga you was scared of and you just had to JET. Its that first move. That first dash.

So I cant say which race has the best athletes, but I know the Black Athlete is so good. "Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"

"HIGH Standards"
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr

We as a society often set high standards on our way of living. From fashion to hair, to cars, and any other measure of success, or perpetration tool, a certain level of worth is placed upon these items. For the insecure it is hard for one to achieve be satisfied with self-worth, and maintain these high standards. People always focus on young adults and their buying power and attempt to maintain these high standards. However nobody ever takes the time to think about pipeheads during this time.

The Expectations of Pipeheads are ever-changing. Even in their crackish state they must remain clean, hide their crack tendencies, and oftentimes maintain a regular life. Pipeheads have their own HIGH standards, what makes you think they want to discipline themselves to go along with the norm. They have a hard enuff time trying to go find Norm on a snowy day.

Pipeheads feel the need to stay fashionable. Now what might be in-style to you, aint necessarily what Dopefiend JB feels is trendy. Pipeheads find the newest weirdest outfits. JB wanders up and down the street in some new San Diego Chargers hat with a big lightning bolt, not that you want the hat, but you want to know where did he get it. They find the funniest sweatsuits, who wears yellow ski pants?

Can't overlook the ladies, we all know pipeheadettes feel the need to look cute. There is always the pipeheadette who had or maybe even still has a nice figure, oh but she struts around like it is 1985 and she's an 11th grader at Roosevelt SHS. Babe if you dont take them stonewash jeans off, and please people dont give the pipeheadettes your old parasucos. Lady pipeheads get into the throwback game too. They are the ones wearing that Joe Theismann jersey, and that strange hockey jersey. Pipeheads are resourceful, and not just when they need 8 more on that rock.

Pipeheads have HIGH standards, double standards, if you will. So when you see them out there in that old Celtics "Cornbread" Maxwell jersey and their spandex pants, dont laugh, just think, "Tammi tryna do the mutha today". Chances are they are HIGH and being HIGH is as high a standard they know.