Thursday, April 01, 2004

"A Fresh Black Mind"
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

On today's spotlight of negressence we would like to take a look a fresh black mind. The year 1986, James Garfield was a normal 4th grade student at Bruce Monroe Elementary School. He carried a bookbag, was learning a little Spanish, and played a mean game of kickball.

However James was more advanced than most students. He picked up on things faster than most kids his age. He had given up Transformers at an early age, and took a keen liking to all things nigga-based. He kicked the ball harder than any 4th grader that dawned Ms. Petry's class or any at Bruce Monroe. He was significantly stronger than most 4th graders, and only went-to-the-body with 6th grade heavyweights. Garfield didnt let his physical dominance control his youth, but used his mind as well.

Oh but James Garfield was more than a strong and smart 4th grader. Garfield also liked females faster than most kids his age. He was kissing on the swings quite early. One late May afternoon, Garfield was eyeing Precious McNeil, a 6th grader who had "physically proceeded" her own 6th grade expectations. Garfield catches Precious in Ms. Petry's cloakroom, and inspects her new-found "groceries". He was definitely a fresh mind, and it was here that the future leading Black Mammagrapher acquired his skill.

Garfield's cloakroom examinations, helped him set his sights on med school. He was the youngest graduate of the UDC Medical School, which is actually taught by janitors from Catholic and American Medical Schools. He graduated UDC's Medical Program with a doctorate in NipTechnology, and is the leading correspondent in black mammagrammography. He is a consultant with DC General and Providence Hospitals, as well as CNO of the Penthouse. He accomplished all of this before the age of 30. He is often reffered to as Booby Houser, because of his age, and feel for medicine. Today we would like to congratulate James "Booby Houser" Garfield on the "Touch and Go" methods of Black Medicine.

"Nike Caters to Urban Needs"
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

The newest creation from Nike is the Nike Curb Max. This new street shoe is perfect for angling your feet
on the curb, for the best possible approach for getting your rocks off. The Curb Max also provides
proper ankle and arch support for the long hours that streetlife requires. It has great traction for
"hand2hands", and cushioning for breakaway speed in the occurrence of BOdines.