Monday, March 01, 2004

Sal's Corner

Im talking to all my men on this one. Ladies please read anyway because this article will lead you to a good man. Fellas we need "CHARACTER". I know I know, Martin Luther King had character. Malcolm X had character. Even Joe Frazier had character. I mean real dudes. Real men. But that kinda character is good and all but you need a DEEPER "character". For a lack of a better word/phrase, you need just a taste of "nigga" in you. Yes all races of men need that not just African-Americans. See the biggest misconception is that the word "nigga" means black man. It describes a male who is a man but has that inner character of the urban world. I know yall dont quite get it but let me tell you where you can get it.

* The Buffet - See as adults we spend TOO much time in these uppity restaurants. We tryna impress these ladies. Yall need to go to some buffets. Some $8.99 all you can eat spots. Spots where its kids crying, fat people yelling and you can get up and get your own refills.

* The Barbershop - Some of yall go to these barbershops WAY uptown or WAY downtown and go right in and leave right out. The best barbershops are in the HOOD. Go on down to the projects and let em treat you right. The hood barbershop is an urban country club. Fellas you can go in there and talk yo' talk and get things off your chest. I would prefer that if you go in the shop for the FIRST time, it should be in football season, RIGHT after a pay-per-view fight OR right when the summer breaks but they aint put the A/C in the window yet. That heat outside wit no A/C inside makes the wildness JUST right.

* Baptist church - I dont go to a baptist church but every once and a while I might happen to step in one. You need to go to a church where the beat is not made by a drum but by the feet of the congregation. Everybody patting the floor like they marching to zion. You dont need to go to this kind EVERY sunday but just stop in or ride pass and observe the people. You need to look at a 60 year old man wit a top hat on and a red suit. You need to see an old lady wit a purple dress and a lavender squirrel coat to match.

* Motel - Stay in a motel one time. A motel where you still get a key and not some card to slide in the door. A motel where it might be a man who just rented a room to sit in there by himself and watch the game in peace. A motel where the only breakfast in bed is you eating that bacon biscuit from "SONIC".

* The Carryout - Go in there and order something complicated. Something that you dont just walk in and walk out with like 5 wings and fries. Sit down, read the list of neighborhood shout-outs on the wall. Read the writing on the "sweepstakes" boxes on the counter that say "R.I.P. Bay-Bay" or "Lamont & Felecia Forever". Listen to the people who come in the shout their business in the street so effortlessly. People who bang on the glass window hurrying poor "yung lee" to hurry up on their Hamburger Sub. Yall need that!

* People from the country that live in the city - I wouldnt make yall go all the way down south but be around some people from the south in your city. Go to someone's house where the grandmother dont want nobody ironing or washing clothes on Sunday's. Yall know thats the "LAWD's" Day. Go to a house where if grandma curse at least she'll say "Excuse my french". Go to a house where rats, roaches and old uncles are welcome to move in and out and come and go as they please. And you definitely need to go to a house where the Lord's Prayer, the Ten Commandments and joint pictures of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King are posted in the Dining Room.

"Lord Willin, 'Rome Feelin"

Entertainment News
by Gartrelle W. Sexton, Esquire

March 1, 2004 9:05 A.M. EST
(AP) Associated Press

Lil' Penny Hardaway Charged With Sexual Assault

Brooklyn, NY- Lil' Penny Hardaway of Nike commercial fame was charged in New York state court with one count of sexual Assault stemming from allegations made by a 22 year old student who works part-time as a Hooter's waitress.

The charges come at a time when Lil' Penny has been out of the spotlight for many years now. He reached the height of his fame in 1995-96 when his basketball shoe hawking commercials were among the most creative around. People everywhere wanted to "party like Lil' Penny." Wouldn't you if you got hand out poolside at the Delano with Tyra Banks?

However, things took a turn for the worse when big Penny hurt his knee and moved to Phoenix. Lil' Penny stayed behind in Orlando to handle some unsuccessful business deals and finish writing his autobiography. He later joined Big Penny in New York to experience life in the Big Apple.

Its seems that the Big Apple was to big for Lil' Penny. He turned to drinking and gambling. Also there was a new "Lil" on the scene making Sprite commercials and stealing his fading shine. Witnesses say that one night at the Times Square Hooters, Lil Penny met an unnamed waitress and took her back to Big Penny's condo where the alleged Assault occurred.

Lil' Penny released this statement: "I would like to say that I'm totally innocent of the charges. Everyone that knows me knows that i would never do such a thing and these allegations baseless and merely an attempt to assassinate my character and achieve financial gain. I appreciate the support from all my fans and all the "Lil's" of the world. Thank you. Oh yeah, party tonight and Marbury's crib."

Lil' Penny will be arraigned Monday morning. It doesn't look good for the lil' guy...