Monday, March 15, 2004

Sal's Corner
"Africans"


First off, I am not a racist, prejudiced or any of those things. Im just the dude who tells it how YOU see it. But you either cant put it into words or you're scared to do so. But let me say that Africans are one of the funniest groups of people in the world. I love Africans. I love their style, flash and confidence. They are true black people. Not tainted with several races but true original blacks from Africa. I watch and observe them. Here are some of the things I have seen:

* Misconception: "Africans are smarter than everyone else". One word, Two syllables: HOGWASH! Let me tell you something. And this goes for any other foreign people who come to this land..........if you come across the world to be here, when you get here, you are not gonna be BS'n. All Africans arent smarter than us, they just left the dumb ones IN Africa. If I was African, and I had 2 sons, one was dumb and the other was smart, the SMART one could go to college in America but the dumb one would be at Timbuktu Community College! If you went to China, you wouldnt go over there to make $30,000/year. You can do that HERE!

* Attire: Africans are hit or miss people. Either they were NICE clothing. Such as Prada, Ralph Lauren, Lacoste, Ferragamo etc etc or they were Yellow Jeans and sandles. Aint too many "White-Tee" type people. If they are gonna get fly, THEY GET FLY, if not its "CROSS COLOURS" galore

* Hygiene: All Africans dont stink. NOPE, its just that the ones that do stink, they smell so bad that you think they all stink.

* Vehicle: Come on NOW! a 1986 560 SEL...........THATS ALL they are pushing. Yall know what im talking about...........do I gotta show yall!!!!


* Foul Language: Its is FUNNY to hear an African curse! Curse word of Choose: MUTHAF*&^%. They use that one very much so! Sometimes they say Nigga (Which is not a curse word) but its just funny when they say it. It comes out like (NEEGA!)

* UnderCover Africans: Yaaah yall thought I aint know. Some of yall are African and dont lead on to it. No accent or nothing. Name might even be regular. But when your parents come up to the school with that short sleeve party shirt, green slacks and them extra shiny gold watches we KNOW. Only Africans and Pimps on their days off dress like that.

* Jewelry. Look for the GOLD. Niggas wear platinum, Africans wear gold! Always remember that.

* Confidence: Africans display a serious amount of confidence. Go to the DMV. You and your buddy are scared you wont get your license renewed cause you might have tickets owed. But that fella over there in the Kente cloth, HE's determined to be in and out in 15 minutes. He dont even stand in LINE! "Who am I to stand in a line!"

* Names: Africans and their names can be wild. Sometimes the name denotes their African Heritage and sometimes it dont. You might run into a BABATUNDE MCGLOVER and be thrown off. Cause his parents coulda been high and off some black power tip and named him Babatunde OR he could be African and someway or another his family ended up as the McGlover's.

* Men: The thing that stands out the most about Africans is how they raise their young men. You dont see African women raising kids by themselves, you see that father in the family life. When you see an African family together, you can sense the strength of the father figure when they walk in the room. I've seen many documentaries about the rites of passage for several tribes and sects on the continent of Africa and their young men are prepared for life at an early age.


All in all, I love my African people. I love their attire, their music and how they may not know much English..........but if someone says "50 Cent" or "2PAC" THEY GO WILD! Next Week People......."Lord Willin, Rome Feelin"




Verbal Prohibitions
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

There are many words throughout the English language that have stronger meanigs to some people, and may frequent conversation more than others. However some people should be prohibited from saying certain words. Today I am looking at the Big folks. Some people may say, hey big people catch a lot of flack, but there are certain things they should not say. I myself try to stay away from awkward situations for myself and the other situatee. Follow me, you shouldnt need your flashlight, but I will leave some bread crumbs.

Catapult: Big people should never use this word. Just say the nigga flew over the wall. Aint nobody catapulting no 234 pound woman, not Robin Hood, not NASA, not King Kong.

Hammock: Big people please no talk of buying hammocks, laying in hammocks, or even thinking about hammocks. If you have been in a hammock keep it to yourself, there is no point in buying that much rope to take a nap outdoors. If any of you plus-sizes people got a hammock, put a box-spring under him, because I know you laying low.

Snack: This is one of those words that sounds funny coming out a big girl's mouth. "think I'll have me a snack" I think you better get some water, because you just had lunch Keeda. Sat down and chill out, you still smell like them turkey wings from 20mins ago.

"No more...that's too much": This is a phrase heard in places like Baskin Robbins, or your local carry-out. More often than not, you aint hungry big folks, you just in there because of a hard burp. You tasted that Manwich in the burp and now you think you hungry. Just because they have sprinkles at Baskin Robbins doesnt mean you need them, probablly just came out of Giant with a bag of Milanos (Pepperidge Farms cookies) and gonna crush them on that big sundae.

"With his big self": unless you follow this with "I know I am big but" please refrain from saying it.

"Think I'lll have..": this is usually followed by something gargantaur, like a triple-cheese burger, or something fit for a grown man. Dont no man want a woman who eats as much as him (in one sitting)

"Uhm that looks good": I dont even want to get into this. Needless to say it is said to often. Keeda dont touch my food.

"...cakes": Big people should not say cakes, treats or snacks

"Can I have a bite": No not that walrus sized bite you bout to take. dont do it, please dont do it, if I catch you I'm gonna tell it.

"Just a taste": Big people you aint tasting nothing, quit it.

Adjectives: Big people keep those adjectives simple, when you start saying delectible and scrumptious, I have a problem with that. You just greedy, it dont taste that good.

I wouldnt want you to think I am picking on the chunky
There is just no need to act a monkey
Over food, females just no need to act funky.
Remember that when at Golden Corral,
Or at Duff's before eating the whole cow.
Watch your carbs, and your fat intake,
Because nobody wants to be wedged on the train next to a human buttercake.