Wednesday, March 17, 2004

"Negresscent Sports"
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

Today we take a look back at some champions of nigga's past. Jimmithy Lancaster a native Washingtonian grew up in Edgewood Terrace. He is a somewhat chubby fellow, his mother however insists he is "stout, robust, just a little husky". Despite his 5'10 260lb frame Jimmithy would become on of the finest Dodgeball Players to hit the City Circuit in some time.

Jimmithy was not blessed with the greatest throwing arm and he found himself unable to play end. End is the striking position one that most big guys play, in which the end attempts to hit scatmen with the
ball. However, unlike most big guys his age Jimmithy was ELUSIVE!

Jimmithy had more moves than Gale Sayers, and had more agility than a puma! He proved to be one tuff hombre in the 1996 season. Jimmithy was the lead scatman for his 12 and under team for Kingman Recreational Center. He declined offers to play for Turkey Thicket Rec. becasue they only wanted him as at End.

Jimmithy honed his skills in the doorways and halls of Edgewood! he would often dodge basketballs thrown at him by neighborhors to sharpen his tacitcs. He was a crafty nigga to say the least. He always wore medium jerseys to erase any doubt that he had been nooked (hit with the ball). He received several bad calls being so portly, his coach the legendary Duke "Otter" Reid advised him to be proud of his bigness and use it to his advantage.

One game versus the cross town rival Stanton Terrace Stallions. Jimmithy recorded a record 55 wouldas(woulda gotten hit had he not faked them out). Boy he extended many matches in his day, but this one lasted a record 15mins. 15mins for a 12-and-under Dodgeball game is unheard of. Adult matches often range from 10-12mins on average. That boy could move like a sneeze in the wind, like Magic on a fastbreak, like Duffy Rollark in a Brazilian foxhole......The nigga was good!

He was unseen, a freak nature at 12 yrs old, he jumped to semi-pro at age 13 and 275lbs, he gave these
18-24yr olds all they could handle. trying to nook him was like trying to catch a greased midget in August.
He went to the pros in 1999 at 298lbs, and has takenover. He is a perrenial starter for the Ivy City Running Rebels! Northeast hasnt seen a finer athlete. He's better than John Battle and Michael Tucker, today we celebrate a great one Jimmithy Lancaster, his legend grows with his appetite!

Business News
by Salvador Gabor

In the automobile industry, General Motors has run into a possible problem with some of their 2004 Models. There is a possibility of transmission failure in their full-size pickup trucks, SUV's and vans. The estimated number of vehicles affected by this failure is estimated to be around 8,000. GM has requested that dealers not sell or deliver more vehicles from their Willow Run Plant until each vehicle has been inspected. Although these precautions are being made, GM has reassured that the problem does not pose a safety issue.

The cause of the possible transmission failure is due to a faulty pump within the transmission system. These faulty pumps may prevent lubrication from reaching the overdrive gearset bearing. Although 8,000 is a rough estimate of the faulty vehicles, Spokeswoman Debbie Frank says that about 25,000 vehicles are at some risk. Some of the more popular vehicles on this list are the Yukon XL, GMC Surburban and the Sierra. These additional 17,000 vehicles in risk were in transit between assembly plants and dealers when the problem was discovered.

As a precautionary measure, GM automobile owners are being instructed to use the third gear instead of overdrive until their vehicle has been inspected. The inspection is free and can be done at a dealership service center. GM is also contacting vehicle owners and informing them via phone and letters. This situation should not be mistaken for a recall, because this is not a safety issue.

In other GM News, GM is recalling 93,572 Oldsmobile Aurora sedans. The Federal Gov't reported that fuel from these sedans can leak into the engine causing flames. 123 complaints have been filed to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. It has been reported that the fuel is leaking due to the degrading and cracking of the nylon tubing used in the fuel rail.