Wednesday, March 03, 2004

"Ignorant Disdain"
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

Ignorance is often misinterpreted. Some people often mistake street-smarts for ignorance, or differing from the status quo as ignorance. On a serious note there are certain situations when a level of "ignorance" or ignorant Disdain must be preserved. Follow me if you will.

Conducting business in the street: This can also be doing business with street people. The term street people doesnt necessarily refer to niggas selling drugs, but mainly hustlers in general. If you are in business for yourself you are a hustler. You must know how to hustle to get a buck and to avoid being bucked out of a buck. When conducting business with a street person, there is a certain level of ignorant disdain one must uphold. For instance if you are flagging a taxi, there is no cute way to do it, get your butt on the curb and be strong and ignorant, use your best outside voice and get that dimesnatcher's attention.

Lines: Lines are a primary site for "social fair projects" there is always a white woman that will test you. We were taught as youngsters to wait patiently in line. Then as we got older we encounter several things that really test this age-old adage. The DMV oh this requires patience, whether you need your learner's or hard tags, that "wait patiently" must be on a cigarette break. Since "Wait patiently" is on break so am I, the DMV waits for no man. Patience might have you back later in the week. I wanna thank the Brentwood Station aka the Old Levi's BBQ for that drive-thru.

Lines continued: I previously mentioned white women, sometimes women in general, but mainly white women see fit to challenge a nigga such as myself when they are blatantly wrong. Now they think just because they have a question, or maybe by some grace of the Magical World of Caucazoids, that we wont see them do this "I would like to ask a question". It is at this point when your ignorance must remain sublime. If at a department store, kindly hold your desired item in front of the white woman's face aka the Line Stepper and redirect the salesperson (more often is a white woman just as ignorant as the line-stepper, or a minority afraid of what the white person will say). They ought be afraid of what an "ignorant" black person will do if you dont acknowledge their "patient approach"

Mass Transit: Depending on the day the level of Ignorance on the train/bus can range from moderate to raging. There are sometimes chicken bones, McDonalds wrappers and all kinds of other things on the bus. Loud foreigners and teenage urbanites make their pressure felt on train and bus. I know for myself Wednesdays are always Wild. Wild Wednesdays, the train always seems to be packed, and someone feels they are so important that they must get on or navigate by any means necessary. I once had a young girl, around the age of 15 get real ignorant. she thought a flying bump on a crowded train would move me. Much to her shagrin, there was only one ignorant nigga on the door at the end.

Ignorance should not be mistaken
especially if rules justify it, and it is not awkwardly blatant
planes, trains, and automboiles can be the setting to say the least
for one calm mofo to unleash the ignorant beast.
reach one teach one,
and if there be 2 people that push past you, then clip each one
there are certain lesson once must learn
hands dipped in wesson by the grill will get u burned.
cut down on the patience and ease your stress,
just let the blackness superceed and the ignorance negress

"Ham Sammich of Love"
by Gartrelle W. Sexton, Esquire

Ladies, this one is for you. Take notes, this information will be very useful.

Women, ladies, girls, FEED YOUR MEN. You've have all heard the saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. THIS IS LAW. Me personally, I would rather have my lady make me a ham sammich before she gave me some lovin'. You see ladies, the simple act of making a ham & cheese sammich really shows your man how much you love him. Combining all those ingredients takes thought and care. The potato bread (either fresh or lightly toasted), the mayonnaise (NOT Miracle Whip), the cheese (Kraft or gubment). A good ham sammich says, "Baby, I love you." And when I finish a good ham sammich I says, "Man that girl can make a ham sammich, she must her some Gartrelle!"

But it doesn't stop at a ham sammich ladies. I'm not on some women should be barefoot and pregnant tip, cuz my lady got's to have a J-O-B. Two incomes is a must. But women's liberation and "I'm a strong Black independent woman" and all of that don't mean y'all can't cook for us no more. Y'all still want us to give up our seat, hold the door, change you motor oil, cut the grass, etc. All we ask is that the birth the chirrun and cook up some bacon and cheese eggs sometimes. Now, I understand that nowadays women got careers and work hard just like us men, but how about cooking a meal just 2-3 times a week? Is that too much to ask? I'm not asking you to cook Thanksgiving dinner, but Hot Pockets and Digiorno Pizza just ain't cutting it any more. We left the Top Ramen behind us in the dorm room. Maybe it should be the fact that you still love/like us despite our dirty socks on the floor or that ring we leave around the bathtub, or the way you help us out when our funds are low, but the way to prove to a man that you love him is too have some mac n' cheese, some greens and T-bone on the table every now and then.

So to all you new millennium ladies, take notes from your mama's and grandmama's. They know how to make a man feel like a man. It's a shame that when I go to my lady's mama's house for dinner, her mama has to tell her, "Girl, you better make that man a plate." You see, you young gals don't realize that it doesn't take much to make a man happy. Give him some lovin' from time to time, let him watch the football game on Sundays in peace, and feed him. It really is as simple as that. The women of the older generation realized that if you do simple things for us men, you women will get everything you want. You want a new dress or a new comforter set? Cook your man a hearty meal for a week. You'll be sleeping on 1000 thread count sheets by sunset on Saturday. You young gals need to take lessons from the older generations. Why you think your grandparents been married for 60 yrs? Because grandpa knew that couldn't nobody put just the right amount of mayo on his ham sammich like your grandma.

Now go on in the kitchen and make your man some scrapple. Show him how much you care.

and now................

An Announcement from BAULA (Bougie And Uppity Ladies Association)

We, the distinguished ladies of BAULA, are inviting all eligible bachelors to the Annual BAULA "I Need A Man" Reception and Fundraising Event.

The Purpose of this event is to evaluate all potential marriage prospects. In addition to your invitation, you will need to bring: a government issued ID, your graduate degree, proof of income, deed to your own house(your mama's house is unacceptable), title to your car (must be luxury), and proof of non-paternity.

We, will be walking around with our noses in the air and will give you an ice grill if you try to approach us before we give you the squirrel-eye.

Refreshments will NOT be served because we don't know how to cook and a caterer cost too much. The new line of Louis Vuitton purses and Jimmy Choo's are coming out next week and those are a must.

BAULA is a FOR Profit organization organized to assist siddity gold diggers in their never ending quest for the sanctity and security of marriage, or at least alimony.