Wednesday, February 04, 2004

"This Moment in Nigga History"
-By Gartelle W. Sexton, Esquire-


Eustis P. Malton was working in the same liquor factory where his great uncle Rembert Martin created his famous cognac, when he revolutionized the beer industry forever. Now Eustis being the descendant of his uncle Rembert, was an alcoholic crook too. Eustis would frequently sneak a taste as he worked and would usually take a bottle or two of the company's new beer line home with him. Eustis kept a pistol on his at all times cuz them Eastgate niggas just went like that.

On 2/4/68, Eustis was drinking a few stolen brews with his friend Langley Meade. The two got into an argument about some money that Langley owed Eustis for numerous bets. They bet on a midnight cockfight down at the Benning-Stoddert Rec Center, they bet on a domino game between a blind man and monkey that Eustis stole when the circus was down at the Armory, they even bet on boxing match between the siamese twins that lived on Texas Ave.

The argument got real heated and then Langley stole Eustis in the face and tried to dip out. Never the one to get played, Eustis pulled out his "nistol" and bucked at Langley. His missed, but he hit the brew bottle that Langley was clutching to like he knew that might the last sip of his life. Miraculously, the Langley managed to salvage much of the brew because the bottom half of the bottom was left in tact and when it was safe to stop running, he took a long swig. That swig was a swig like no other. The beer tasted like shit due to the gunpowder, but was much more potent. Langley commensed to get pissy drunk. All he could say was, "Malt made me almost died for this beer, but this sho' is some powerful liquor."

"Malt liquor"-created on 2/4/68 by two dumb niggas arguing over a blind domino game, siamese twins, and two cocks.

This Black History fact was brought to you by St. Ides, Olde English 800, and Steel Reserve.