Wednesday, January 14, 2004

"This Day in Nigga History"
By Gartrelle W. Sexton, Esquire

On this day in the year of our Lord, nineteen hundred and twenty nine, two ex-cons, Rembert Martin and Clovell Hennessy would change the way that Afro-Americans would purchase and consume spiritous liquors. Rembert and Clovell worked in a fruit packaging factory in Backwood, Georgia. Rembert was in charge of putting the grapes in the little plastic bags, and Clovell's main job was unloading the watermelons off the service trucks. (He sho' did love it when a nigger apple would "accidentally" fall to the ground.) The two didn't make much money there, so Rembert decided that every day he would steal two grapes until he had enough to make about ten bottles of moonshine. Clovell did the same. When they got enough grapes, they snuck into the factory at night to make their moonshine. Rembert brought 10 of his girlfriend's tall slender green bottles that she kept her hair relaxer in and Clovell's bottles were clear. As they mixed their grapes with the grain alcohol, Rembert had the great idea to mix in some of the bosses "yac". "Yac" was a sweetener that they put in some of the fruit. Just as Rembert was mixing in the "yac" the boss showed up and and shouted "What you two cons doing with my yac?!" Rembert and Clovell broke out and never came back to work again. The boss tasted the two concoctions they left behind an was quite surprised. The next day, the fruit factory closed and they were in the business of making fine congac. Rembert Martin and Clovell Hennessey, pioneers in getting niggas drunk since January 14, 1929. All the niggas outside of Bass, Tic-Toc and Dave Brown's Liquor Store salute you, as do I.