Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Nigga History Moment
by Salvador Gabor

Today we salute James Weaver (also known as "Limp") for his discovery of a cure for erectile dysfunction. "Limp" grew up in the cold streets of Chicago during the 1970's. During that time he participated in Intramural Karate tournaments outside of the Cabrini Green Housing Projects. His Karate team known as "Gang Green" was the two-time defending Chi-Town Karate Crew of the Year Champions in 1974. Going into the biggest title fight of his life "Limp" would have to face-off with Jesse Manuel, the neighborhood champion from The Rockwell Gardens housing project better known as "Roc Mafia".

The best of 7 series between "Gang Green" and "Roc Mafia" was tied at 3-3 going into this final match. Jesse was known as a cheater because often kicked in the groin area and he was known for not clipping his toe nails. The fight began near the see-saws in Cabrini Green. The crowd was as loud as ever. "Limp" seemed to have an advantage for a while until Jesse did the unthinkable. Jesse sweep-kicked "Limp" to the ground and delivered a stomp directly on the testicles of "Limp". Jesse was immediately disqualified and "Gang Green" became the first Three-Peat Chi-Town Karate Crew of the Year Champions since the 1958-1964 Stateway Gardens Dynasty which featured Leroy "dont call me Toosie" Reynolds.

After the matchup "Limp" was in severe pain. The rest of the "Gang Green" squad went to party and celebrate the victory. "Limp" decided to stay at home with his girlfriend, Viagra Simmons. Viagra and her buddy Levitra O'Neill cleaned up the house and took care of "Limp" for about a week while he recovered. After that week, Viagra and "Limp" were in bed one night and "Limp" had some difficulties while he was Lovin' on his woman. For some reason his "soldier" just wouldnt stand up. Levitra was in the hallway and accidentally walked in to "Limp's" bedroom. At this point with two women in the room, "Limp" was ready to "play ball"! Levitra closed the door and "Limp" was back in business. We dont know who or what happened behind that closed door but legend has it that "Limp" put some of that "Lovin" in a pill and now we have the pharmaceutical drugs called "Viagra" and "Levitra".