Friday, January 30, 2004

Dirty White Lines
by Gartelle W. Sexton, Esq.

Yayo, coca, coke, cocaine. This one time ingredient of your favorite cola is making a strong comeback. Maybe it never left. All within the past week, we have seen some celebs get caught up in the justice system becuase of this fine white powder. So we have, Young Turk, Faith Evans and the Godfather of Soul James Brown all "alledgedly" involved in some nonsense this week.

I know James Brown was high when he hit his lady, but he is a old man and bad habits are hard to break. (No excuse though James, don't beat ya lady.)

Now, Faith, darling, sweetie, thickums. Biggie would be so disappointed in you. You got young kids, get it together.

And saving the dumbest for last, Turk. Turk, Turk, Turk. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Nothing else to say really. I mean we knew that the bling bling was just for the videos and that record companies rip artists off, but come on? Shooting two police officers with coke in the apartment? I'll tell Mystikal & C-Murder you want the top bunk.

I'm not even gonna get into Bobby & Whitney.

In light of these events, the President of the DCHU (D.C. Hustler's Union), Dontrell Carter, has issued the following statement:

"Yeah so uhm, we are deeply saddened by this weeks past events. We hope that these families can make it through these trying times and move on with their lives. We understand that the children suffer the most from this, but business must go on because I need a new Escalade and my lady needs a new pair of Gucci loafers. Since the dealers who supplied these celebrities are obviously "hot" right now. We will issuing subsidies to the crack/cokehouses in their local communities. To all hustlers in Atlanta, New Orleans, and South Carolina who are need of some weight and ain't scared to make a OT trip. Come to DC on the corner of 18th & D NE and holla and anybody wearing a black NorthFace jacket. Due to the demand, prices have gone up. However we are offering discounts if you bring us a James Brown Greatest Hits CD, Faiths's 1st CD for my girl, and Young Turk's newest CD (bootleg will suffice). Thanks, and Happy Hustling'.

The DCHU also noted that some of the proceeds from the last 4 keys in this current package will go towards one night of trickin' in Dream Nightclub, an all you can eat dinner at Horn & Horn, and the building fund for the Rayful Edmonds Crackpipe Memorial Museum that is being built on the corner of 7th & Orleans place.

"Have some coke and a smile."

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Music News
by Salvador Gabor

Today, Boozoo Chavis releases his newest album "Who Stole My Monkey", the long awaited follow-up album to his 1985 smash hit "Squash, Neckbones and Liver Pudding". This album seems to be angled to more of a modern crowd. His first single of the album, "Church Socks and Sandles" ponders upon many fashion questions that he poses to his grandkids about his outdated attire. These questions are often answered by his grandkids, 2 of who make appearances on the album. "Lil Nita" and "Charlie Jr." have a duet on the album titled "Can I wear yo' false teeth granddaddy?" and "Charlie Jr." also raps on the remix to the 1985 hit "Assault with a deadly hogmaw" which is a conscience song about health in the Afro-American community.

On a scale of 1-10, I rate this album at a 6. Only a 6 because his the album has no edits. At the end of the songs, Boozoo can be heard motioning to the studio worker to "cut that song of dere". Also he only gets a 6 because his music videos can only be viewed on Sundays at 11:00 right after Bobby Jones Gospel Hour.

Also Boozoo will be going on tour soon. The "Hard Porkrhine Life" tour is coming to a barnyard near you. All of the tour dates have not been released. An official press conference will be held at "Chuck & Billy's" On Georgia Ave. and Fairmont Street in Washington D.C. on February 1,2004. Also for Beta-Max versions of his album "Who Stole My Monkey: Live from Tugaloo, MS" call Mr. Archie Daniels at 601-768-7766.

And now I present.........

"Success Tip of the Day"
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

"Africans forge the chains we wear in videos."

--Nathaniel Cook, Registrar Bethune-Cookman--

The root of our problems dont need to be dug with a shovel, just a simple
spoon. sugar and salt can be lifted by the teaspoon. Hypertension and
Diabetes are prevalent amongst black people all resulting to those two
things which are white, sugar and salt. Knowing this, fixate your mind
with these trinkets if you will.

Fill your mind with a Black Panther pamphlet. Newtons Readings Volumes 6-10
are very helpful with workplace Sodium.

Dont get even with your enemies, it will happen on its on, but a foot in the
isle at lunchtime, should suffice.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Nigga History Moment
by Salvador Gabor

Today we salute James Weaver (also known as "Limp") for his discovery of a cure for erectile dysfunction. "Limp" grew up in the cold streets of Chicago during the 1970's. During that time he participated in Intramural Karate tournaments outside of the Cabrini Green Housing Projects. His Karate team known as "Gang Green" was the two-time defending Chi-Town Karate Crew of the Year Champions in 1974. Going into the biggest title fight of his life "Limp" would have to face-off with Jesse Manuel, the neighborhood champion from The Rockwell Gardens housing project better known as "Roc Mafia".

The best of 7 series between "Gang Green" and "Roc Mafia" was tied at 3-3 going into this final match. Jesse was known as a cheater because often kicked in the groin area and he was known for not clipping his toe nails. The fight began near the see-saws in Cabrini Green. The crowd was as loud as ever. "Limp" seemed to have an advantage for a while until Jesse did the unthinkable. Jesse sweep-kicked "Limp" to the ground and delivered a stomp directly on the testicles of "Limp". Jesse was immediately disqualified and "Gang Green" became the first Three-Peat Chi-Town Karate Crew of the Year Champions since the 1958-1964 Stateway Gardens Dynasty which featured Leroy "dont call me Toosie" Reynolds.

After the matchup "Limp" was in severe pain. The rest of the "Gang Green" squad went to party and celebrate the victory. "Limp" decided to stay at home with his girlfriend, Viagra Simmons. Viagra and her buddy Levitra O'Neill cleaned up the house and took care of "Limp" for about a week while he recovered. After that week, Viagra and "Limp" were in bed one night and "Limp" had some difficulties while he was Lovin' on his woman. For some reason his "soldier" just wouldnt stand up. Levitra was in the hallway and accidentally walked in to "Limp's" bedroom. At this point with two women in the room, "Limp" was ready to "play ball"! Levitra closed the door and "Limp" was back in business. We dont know who or what happened behind that closed door but legend has it that "Limp" put some of that "Lovin" in a pill and now we have the pharmaceutical drugs called "Viagra" and "Levitra".

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

"Bidness News"
Salvador Gabor

This is Salvador Gabor reporting live from the "New York Crack Exchange". Today we will give you tips and strategies on how to make your "bidness" work for you.

* Always wear briefs when out on the "pound". When you are conducting "bidness" make sure that you have a safe and secure place to tuck away your narcotic. Some prefer sliding "crack" bags in the seat of their drawls. Wearing briefs prevents unnecessary movement of your inventory in your groin area. You have to be able to attain your product quickly because of the fierce competition

* Establish your own place in that particular neighborhood that solidifies who you are and what you are selling. If the rest of the fellas are selling "BUSH" weed over by Mrs. Odelle's back yard, you come around that corner and sell your "fire green" outside of Miss Alberta's apartment in the building.

* Network with several narcotic entreprenuers. Nothing is worst than your "crack strip" being dry and the local supplier/wholesaler is fresh out of what you need. Maintain contacts with vendors across your city. You never know when you have to make a trip all the way uptown or over on the southside for your "bidness" expenses

In local Narcotic Entreprenuerial news, the price of a "J" went down from $10 per "J' to $5. Due to the inclimate weather, local hustlers are scurrying to get their bags off and get out of the cold. A Dub bag of skunk would normally only provide 2 to 3 "J's". This week local vendors are selling bigger bags to rid themselves of their inventory

In national news, The 4th Annual Harlem World Convention for PCP vendors was a success. Held at corner of 125th & Amsterdam, this event was a sight to be seen. Various topics such as "Police to Vendor dialogue", "How to use your one call at the jail successfully", "How to buy out office space in Chinese Carryouts" and "What to do when two prospective buyers approach at once" were discussed.

That's all for now people

(Also 'Rome is back............ )

Monday, January 26, 2004

Sal's Corner
"Shout Outs"

Yeah Yeah Yeah, I just wanna holla at some folk that dont get their respectable credit in our society. Now on shout-outs, most people shout out Mom and Dad and the neighborhood crew you claim. Yall know this is Sal's Corner.....and we gotta put a twist on things now dont we!!!

*Shout out to all the females in nursing school, wearing the scrubs, with the white reebok princesses/k-swiss, and the still look fly wit da Fendi bag and the Red Coloring in their hair

*Shout out to all my fellas still video-recording their Madden games on Playstation. Runnin it back and seeing where they made mistakes, you know how they do

*Shout out to all the recently released ex-convicts coming home and going to church the first two weeks, then hitting the club every week for then on out

*Shout out to all the ladies working downtown and STILL messing with Thug dudes. He drop you off on 17th and K and pick you up at 5:30. He keep the Acura TL and drive around and drop off lunch to all his other chicks while you down at the Baja Grill

*Shout out to all the men who gotta room in their house where nobody else is allowed. About the only room your wife aint decorated pink or purple

*Shout out to my peoples who travel with Mix-Matched luggage. You got initials in his suitcases that aint even your initials. Bought them joants from the flea market. Oh yeah shout out to my dudes still packing clothes in plastic bags. I see you homie

*Shout out to all the homies that sign up for the police force but request to be assigned to a different Ward so they aint gotta lock up the dudes they grew up wit.

*Shout out to all Sugar Daddies and old men over 50 that own a Cadillac DTS and/or a S Class benz. Yall give me something to look forward to.

*Shout out to amateur rappers. They are the worst. Amateur rap never sounds good to me and Im NOT gonna buy your CD outside of McDonalds at Howard Homemcoming

*(For all "Ole Skool" Hampton Alumni......if you came down in '98 or behind)......Shout out to the lil dude who worked in the old Union who drove the Motorcycle. I thought he was retarded until I seen em ride out on the 2-wheeler

*(last but not least) Shout out to my men wearing versace belts and prada shoes with the Claybrooke suits though.

Friday, January 23, 2004

Success Connection Tip of the Week
By Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

"Success can be measured in Waffles sold, and lost in bread with mold"

--Dr. Jake Winslow, Owner of Waffle House#10, Richmond,VA--

Oftentimes a niggas' greatest obstacle, is the obstacle embedded in social fopas
generated in the Southern United States. Racism and malicious stagnation can
be the unjust justification for stunted growth of an otherwise confident
negro. here are a few tidbits to help unstagnate the ingrown situation.

*First be confident, never let anyone steal your joy, or your bottom ho.
*Let them know u know what they do, and that aint and wont fly.
*Make them aware of two things, one u r black and I mean a nigga; and two that a
wet bird flys at night.
*And last but not least always take your pistol to an interview.

Source: Booga Jones Success Seminars.
Please Send any donations to the "Free Gorgegous Dre" Emancipation Fund

Thursday, January 22, 2004

"Don't Call It a Comeback..."
by Lonnie "Ice" Kolberg

...Because we have definitely been here before. That "here" is players or coaches coming back to "scratch that itch." By comeback, I mean one that has retired and wants to return to the game or is going back to their roots again. We see it every offseason. Some of them should have scratched their itch by rubbing their back against the corner of the wall like Michael Jordan just to name one. Others are getting the job done. In baseball, Pete Rose is still trying to make a comeback even after several years of lies and a permanent ban for gambling as a manager. His comeback to manage or coach is unrealistic, but he should still be inducted into the Hall of Fame as a player. He should never manage or coach again because he crossed the line but not as a player. He deserves credit though because he is making money(his book) off of the sport that made money off of him. Kudos to Rose... In basketball, Larry Bird went back to Indiana and Roy Williams traveled back down Tobacco Road to UNC. Both are having successful seasons, but we have been here before too with these guys. Regular season success seems easy to these two, but it is the big game that always gets them hung up. I will wait until June and April respectively to pass judgement, but don't bet on them winning the big ones. There might be another MJ sighting before that happens. Will we see MJ again in the front office?... In football, Dan Marino went back to the only organization he knows in a front office position in Miami. Now we get a chance to see if all those passing yards mean he can evaluate talent and put a team together. He couldn't do it as a player, but now that he has more control maybe he can do it as an executive. The other comeback that I want to discuss that the whole world is discussing is Joe Gibbs. Yes, by now you have heard, Joe Gibbs is back. He left his empire in Nascar to comeback to football. He is one of the best coaches ever in the game. The question will be can he lead the Redskins to the top again with free agency, a salary cap, and other new rules. One thing for sure, he instilled hope and some fresh air to a organization that was on life support. That is what happens when a big name comes back. The organization is revitalized. Fans come out of nowhere. The bandwagon is upgraded to the full-sized model. Every year changes are made whether to personel, coaching staff, or executives to give a new life and hope to the players and more importantly the fans. Lets all see how this new hope pans out...Until next time be safe... "Ice K".

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

"The 1-5 Millionaires' Retreat"
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

Urgent! Criminally Sensitive. Coke Plentiful
Dear Nigga:

Unless your want to lose out on possibly $2,000 in one month, take a
glimpse at a note from a clut of uptown pimps.

Hi my name is Lumis Quartey. Maybe u remember me from such books as
"How to Treat a Ho like a tramp" or "Doosh Your Brain or it too Will Reek
of Bad aroma" This along with many trainings i have conducted in the Upper
Northwest gratos and shalays are sure to unknowingly sudue ladies into a
very profitable month of January.

I have been asked by many "businessmen" to help them achieve maximum
earning potential. I often tell them to clear their mind, put their tricks on
the track and properly weigh all their crack. in addition to these
somewhat simple techniques one must understand the nigga that lies

Determining just how sinister one is can matriculate a paper trail longer
than a Luke Video full of tail.

This weekend i will be leading a retreat to the exotic forest of
Northwest DC, the jungle of 15 & Monroe, home of the 1-5 Millionaires. this
retreat will have special "Key"note Speakers:

* "Griff" of 15th & V will lead a
seminar on aggression management

* Moncrief the leading coefficient of Petworth's FBI will spearhead a session on female evaluation and

* Clyde Rigsby of Parkland Gardens will conduct a survey
session on neighborhood reparations.

*And I (YES ME)....... Yours Truly Reggie Dinkins will be hosting the affair on the pink carpet!

In order to attend please reserve your spot IMMEGIATELY. A sign-in
sheet is available at the Madness Shop, a non-refundable fee of $500 is required
per signee.

"Start your summer off right because dont nothing beat a retreat not even a
dwarf round 3feet"
--Retreat Graduate '87 Clarence "Mighty" Moore--

This is your "cat in the hat" Reggie Dinkins Jr.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

"Our City"
by Gartelle W. Sexton, Esquire

Disclaimer: This commentary is not meant to be seen as racist, nor is it intended to offend. The intent is to wake up the minds of our people.

"But I ain't given up on the hood, it's all good when I go back"-Tupac Shakur

I ain't giving up on the hood. And you shouldn't either. In case you haven't noticed, white folks ain't giving up on OUR hoods. They are coming in droves. Gentrification, it's happening all over the country, especially in my hometown of Washington, DC. Young, affluent and childless whites are moving into our neighborhoods. They are buying single family homes and small apartment buildings in our communities. In our communities where for years property values have dropped because we steal from and kill each other. We didn't take any pride in our neighborhoods. We threw trash and beer bottles on the street, we didn't maintain our homes, we ALLOWED the youth to sell drugs on our corners. We became scared of each other in our own communities.

"Used to be a close knit community but now we're all cold strangers"- Tupac Shakur

Guess what? White folks ain't scared any more. Now they come in, buy up the property and renovate it. Next thing you know, commercial businesses pop up, property values rise and we can't afford to live in OUR communities anymore.

What is behind all of this? Well for starters many of us are giving up on our neighborhoods. Once we get a little bit a money and can afford to move, we leave our neighborhoods and move our families to the suburbs without a second thought. Maybe its just me, but many suburbs, just don't feel like communities to me. Suburbs just aren't real to me. They seem so artificial and contrived, it's like they have no pulse. I don't mean to knock suburbs because I have never lived in one. I'm a city guy and I just can't fathom living on a street called Quaint Corner Drive or Apple Crisp Lane.

Now I understand that no one wants to live in a neighborhood rampant with drugs and crime, but our neighborhoods are OUR responsibility. If WE keeps our streets clean, if WE maintain our homes, if WE spend more time with our children AND other peoples children, then they will not be in the streets selling drugs. If WE demand more from our elected officials and stop complaining about how they never do anything for our neighborhoods, then maybe we can make some change. You see, the folks that live in Georgetown and Capitol Hill, they don't tolerate inferior treatment, but for some reason we do in our communities. I know that money makes the world go around, but we do a have vote and a voice if we choose to use it correctly.

Another factor in the gentrification of our cities is that we don't OWN anything. Many of us are lifelong renters. Many in our communities are not educated about home ownership. Home ownership is ever so important in this country of ours. Far too many of us choose to pay for expensive cars, clothes and jewelry, but have bad credit, live with our parents or rent. Our priorities are skewed. We opt to spend BILLIONS of dollars outside of our communities on depreciating assets instead of appreciating assets like a home, stocks or bonds. We need to become financially knowledgeable and responsible. Years ago two words were spoken to me that have stayed with me ever since, "Delayed Gratification." Simply put, good things come to those who wait. Far too many of us are more concerned with keeping up present appearances, than keeping up with our future and our finances. There are numerous programs available for potential homebuyers that are FREE. There are numerous programs available for credit repair. The resources are there, we must make an effort to utilize them and take back our communities. (If anyone needs a list of resources, let me know.)

Anacostia, Shaw, Deanwood, these are our neighborhoods. These neighborhoods are full of our history, our tradition and once were full of our people. These neighborhoods used to be some of the best in the nation. They used to be safe and clean. The used to be full of Black businesses and Black people who were proud to live there. Those people more than just lived there, they raised families, they built churches, they built communities. Unfortunately, the only thing being built now are condo's and Starbucks (and I don't drink coffee.)

For years DC has ben called Chocolate City and that's how I have always pictured my home. Notice how I called DC my home? That's how I feel about this city, about the people of this city. I was born and raised here, but I have been around the world and back again and I know that there is no other city with a dynamic quite like DC. This city has so much to offer everyone. And since this is still Chocolate City, WE need to take advantage of the opportunities that are before. We are still the majority (decreasing rapidly however) in this city and have the chance to make things better for our communities. There is so much more I could say about this but I will leave you with this question. When you close your eyes and think of DC, what do you see?

"I close my eyes and picture home... on my block"- Tupac Shakur

-Gartrelle W. Sexton, Esq.

Monday, January 19, 2004

Sal's Corner
"Martin Luther The Kang"

On this great day in history we are "supposed" to celebrate Martin Luther King's birthday. His birth should almost be like Christmas to us black folks. He died for us just like Jesus did. Im not saying Martin Luther King is Jesus but we need to give the man a lil more respect than we do these days. We dog that man something serious nowadays. Yall know how we do.........

* We use this holiday as "just another day off". He made it so yall funky tails could work amongst white people and thats all we do is be glad we off. Glad we got one less farecard to use this week. We can save some money by eating some leftover pig feet from yesterday. Shame on ya!

* We use this holiday to promote our parties. All these clubs sending out holiday party emails. Martin Luther the Kang did not die so that we could fall up in the club on a Sunday and drink Hypnotik till our lips turn blue. He did not die so you could wear that tight dress and keep pullin' it down and wonder why that guy wit dat fake coogi sweater had the nerve to grab your butt.

* We use this holiday to schedule basketball games during the day. I admit I want tickets to the Wizards/Bulls game. And by the time yall read this I might be down AT the MCI Center. But if anything the NBA should be off on MLK day.

Sidebar: What happened to the Martin Luther King movies that used to come on? The Paul Winfield joants. Thats how I knew about MLK. Not through no textbook. I thought Paul Winfield WAS Martin Luther King for a while. It took me a long time to adjust to him being the landlord on 227. But thats whats wrong wit these kids now. They need afterschool specials about drugs and more MLK movies.

* We use this holiday to get some "action". Stop playing dumb........I wont define what "action" is. Some of yall use MLK day to fall up in da club and THEN fall up in something else. Martin Luther King would much rather you wake up on his b-day next to YO' WIFE and not some trick off the street.

* We use this holiday to work. Some of yall are temping on these jobs. Yall know temps dont get leave or holiday pay. Yall got the nerve to be MAD that yall are off. Talkin bout "If you need me to come in Mrs. Becker I certainly will". Stop that

So on this holiday pick up a book on MLK, watch his "I have a dream" speech or ride your local metro bus and tell that busdriver "IM sitting on the front of this HERE bus cause the KANG made it so that I can!". This is my corner and Im glad I can share it with you. "Lord Willin, 'Rome feelin". Oh yeah Happy Birthday Michelle! I love you big sis.

Friday, January 16, 2004

Sports Report
by Lonnie "Ice" Kolberg

Hello sports fans, we are at the point in sports where it is very watchable. Baseball is not too far, Basketball is almost in full swing, and Football is giving us everything we can ask for from exciting overtime games to games with no punts. Since I am a baseball fan the least and basketball is not really exciting until after the trading deadline and during the heart of conference play, I will discuss the NFL Playoffs.

The AFC and NFC Championship games will provide our super bowl matchup when the Indianapolis Colts travel to take on the New England Patriots and the Carolina Panthers visit the Philadelphia Eagles respectively. Lets look at the early game first. The high potent Peyton express will battle a very stingy defense on a cold afternoon. We have to take Indy's offense serious because they have not punted in two playoff games. Yes, not two regular season games but there have been two playoff games where their punter has earned a check with no work. "Yeah, right", "Bet" some might say, but it is very true. They are led by league co-mvp, Peyton Manning. Manning is in a zone like Jordan against the Blazers in '92. Also he is getting help again from Edgerrin James who is looking like his old self while stiff arming tacklers and breaking to the outside.(*Note to the public: Look out for my Edge James jersey if they win.) On the other side of the ball there will be one of if not The toughest, smartest, and most disciplined defense in the NFL. The battle will be NE's defensive backs verus Indy's wide receivers. In this game, I like the Colts to pull off the upset. They are playing good ball now and I dont think New England's offense can keep up. Pick: Colts by 5.

Check Back Later on in the day when I will give my pick for the second game in Philly. But now lets here the "Word of the Day" from my man Reggie.

"Word of the Day"
by Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

(Clearing my throat)....aahhhemmm. The words of the day is Sycophant. Im a tell yall what Webster say it is then Im 'on tell yell how we use it down in the country.

Webster: sycophant \SIK-uh-fuhnt\, noun:
A person who seeks favor by flattering people of wealth or influence; a parasite; a toady.

Reggie: Luprecia was on the bus and said Mr. Watkins was sitting in front of her. Well she said Mr. Watkins
farted, and the sycophant that thang RIGHT in her face.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

"History Moment"
By Reggie Dinkins Jr.

Today's moment in Nigga History has been brought to u by McDowells, "why get a Big Mac, when u can get a Big Mc".

it was on this day in 1935, when the NCCAP (National Colored Caucaus of Athletic Progress) came up with the original idea to decide a national basketball champion in collegiate sports. some of the charter members included Alabama A&M, Fisk, Jackson State, Hampton, Howard and St. Augustine's. Then President of Jackson State University, Dr. LeCharles Rollark came up with the idea of an 8-team tourney to claim the rights to the nation's top honor.

The tournament was to be held in Tennessee at the renown Boodrum Collesium off of Interstate 10. The tournament was a big success and 2 universities were invited to complete the 8-team format: Virginia Union and Texas A&I. Jackson State was the eventual winner as they defeated St. Augustines in the championship game, due to a questionable call. St Augustines star player C. Jameson, made a bucket while fouled, to put his team with in 1. however with 2.2 remaining on the clock, the clock continued to run, and the game ended with Jackson State ahead 108-107.

the suspicion circled around Rollark, which caused a huge frakas and the tourney faced disbanment, but the idea was adopted by Kentucky and they implemented it on a national level, but blocking us niggas from playing in the process. However the original 8 charter schools served to be innovators for the NCAA and The Barry Farms' Goodman League Summer Classic. January 15th, a day of greatness and conspiracy, as are so many others.

"anything prior to previous cannot exist because previous is and was priors beginning"
-Reggie Dinkins, Jr-

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

"This Day in Nigga History"
By Gartrelle W. Sexton, Esquire

On this day in the year of our Lord, nineteen hundred and twenty nine, two ex-cons, Rembert Martin and Clovell Hennessy would change the way that Afro-Americans would purchase and consume spiritous liquors. Rembert and Clovell worked in a fruit packaging factory in Backwood, Georgia. Rembert was in charge of putting the grapes in the little plastic bags, and Clovell's main job was unloading the watermelons off the service trucks. (He sho' did love it when a nigger apple would "accidentally" fall to the ground.) The two didn't make much money there, so Rembert decided that every day he would steal two grapes until he had enough to make about ten bottles of moonshine. Clovell did the same. When they got enough grapes, they snuck into the factory at night to make their moonshine. Rembert brought 10 of his girlfriend's tall slender green bottles that she kept her hair relaxer in and Clovell's bottles were clear. As they mixed their grapes with the grain alcohol, Rembert had the great idea to mix in some of the bosses "yac". "Yac" was a sweetener that they put in some of the fruit. Just as Rembert was mixing in the "yac" the boss showed up and and shouted "What you two cons doing with my yac?!" Rembert and Clovell broke out and never came back to work again. The boss tasted the two concoctions they left behind an was quite surprised. The next day, the fruit factory closed and they were in the business of making fine congac. Rembert Martin and Clovell Hennessey, pioneers in getting niggas drunk since January 14, 1929. All the niggas outside of Bass, Tic-Toc and Dave Brown's Liquor Store salute you, as do I.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

"Business Cents"
By Salvador Gabor and Reggie Dinkins, Jr.

We here at the Salvador Gabor Project understand that its our job to provide you with the necessary resources, tools and avenues for success. This is not JUST a website for jokes. We want to provide you guys with some sort of knowledge on how to get, maintain and maximize a job. Before you can get a job you must have a resume'. You must also find the right job for YOU. So I decided to do a "mock" version of a job advertisement and Reggie did a "mock" resume' for you guys to take as an example for your trek in job searching. This is free so dont think that you owe us a dime.


The Montana Avenue Department of Drug Transportation is now excepting applicants between the ages of 13-23. The preference is african-american males although other applicants suited for street activity and lifestyle are welcome to join with their own discretion. Applicants with High School Diplomas are not excepted in the program. Diplomas are considered contraband and can deter the lessons learned in the streets.

*An Oral Essay on what the Rayful Edmunds empire meant to you

*Must be able to pass the firearm/foreign object test

*Background Checks (If you are not registered to a Probation Officer a 6 month grace period is allowed to be enrolled)

*Ability to hide narcotics and or yourself in various compartments of Mercury Grand Marquis

This is only an entry-level position. The Montana Ave. Dept. of Drug Transportation is a subsidiary of the Saratoga/Brentwood/Montana conglamorate and the structure for this position has yet to be defined

For resume reviewal you can stop by 14th and Saratoga Ave and leave resumes with Deon's Grandma who sits in the window of the third building on the right. No Phone calls, pages or one on one talks with our workers at the picture booth in the club

Yours Truly
"Man-Man" of the Montana Crew


Alfred James Spivey

Education: Clifton Terrace & University
Masters: Urban Survival, Street Math
Bachelors: Arsenal Management, Packaging Specialization


14th & Girard
Summer 1987
Junior Sales Apprentice

Responsible for packaging materials, sealing packages, worked collectively to enhance obstacle awareness.

Sherman Ave Gun Club
Summer 1990
Summer Internship

Responsible for maintaining pistol inventory. Invoiced gun club members for special D.E. weekly payment plans.

Garfield Terrace
Jr Sales Manager

Coordinated Jr Salesmen in a 2block radius. Maintained inventory for third floor. Provided security equipment for Jr Salesmen. Spearheaded marketing pieces for sales associates.

#10 Recreational Activity Center, 14th & Barry
Spring 1995
Marketing Associate

worked on promotional tactics in the center. responsible for creating new niches within the Center.

3500 Commission Building
Summer 1995
Exchange Security Foreman Intern

Secured 3rd Floor Sales Offices of Suite 309 inside 3500 Commission Building. Managed Police awareness for Suite 309. Overseer of Foreign Trading within the Commission Building.

The Belmont Mall
Program Coordinator

Responsible for many Jr Sales Associates. Spearheaded Arsenal Management Departement. Assistant to HNIC of Product Distribution.

Proficient in knife fights, slap-boxing, going-2-the-body, 9mm distance shooting.

Member of the U Street Gun Union, #10 Distributors Hall of Fame.

Expert in person-to-person car removal, barter car rental (rocks for a lincoln).

Accomplished Street Ninja, veteran in the Urban Martial Arts

Monday, January 12, 2004

Sal's Corner
"The Day you found out....."

Im writing this article because Im tired of people going thru depression. Depression is a part of life from time to time but the best way to deal with it is addressing the problem AND find a solution. So lets just talk about "The day you found out....."

*The day you found out.......That you are fat. Yes it happens. You are about 25-30 years old. You eat the same way you did at 18 but your body doesnt respond to that food the same way it did before. You used to be able to eat a Whopper and still go out and play basketball, now you eat a whopper and you cant even walk a flight of steps. You look down at your midsection and its just terrible looking.

Solution: Forget exercising, just find outfits that make you look cool. So what you're bigger, just buy a bigger size. Dont try to lose weight, just buy a cool sweatsuit and keep your hair done/cut to make your size more sleek.

*The day you found out........You are going bald. This is a sensitive topic for some males. I myself have a slight bald spot. I dont get upset I just see it as a setback and I just gotta be a lil more cooler than the next man. I mean its nothing to me cause my hairline been doing backflips since the 96 olympics. The day I found out was when I was trying on some jeans in Hechts. They got the mirror that shows every angle of your body. I looked into one mirror and saw the spot. I wasnt startled nor was I saddened. Its like this....You know how when you go outta town wit someone, usually you know when yall are leaving to go outta town but you dont know what time you are coming back. You probably know the day but not the exact time. But then you get that call from your man at 9:00 A.M. on Sunday saying "Hey we leaving at 12:00". Even though you aint ready to leave at 12:00, it really dont matter so you say "Aight then". Thats kinda how it was when I saw my bald spot. I just said "Aight this is how its gonna be huh God?, you gonna do ya boy like this at 23 huh?"

Solution: On a serious note, dont do the Toupe' thing. Dont do the slick back thing or pullover thing. If you got money for hair restoration surgery, you CAN do that cause it is rightfully your hair. As for me, Im just gonna keep my hair cut low cause its nothing worse than a dude wit a bush and a bald spot. Also Im just gonna keep some fresh new balances and begin to step my dressed up attire game up along with my grown man casual look. Its all about sweatsuits. I might start wearing velour sweatsuits or them "Soprano's" type sweatsuits that just makes it cool to be old. Also the nice leather jackets with the collar flipped up. Ya know.......Just do things to make that "older" look thats been forced on you, work on your behalf.

* The day you found out......... You were not graduating on time/ and were staying back a grade. AWWW this is terrible, cause you really know WAY before them grades get home. YOU take the class so you know whats poppin for real for real. You know in January whether or not you are graduating in May. I knew my freshman year at Hampton that it would be a 5 year journey. My love for hanging out at the Union, sitting outside the girls' dorms and late night Madden tournaments let me know what was really going on.

Solution: Just tell your folks whats up. I told my parents, we just gonna call freshman year my "redshirt" year and that I'd actually start college the following semester. You know what though.......... I never really started college. I just bumped into a cap and gown and a 5X8 Index card and gave it to my dean to call my name. Guess thats why I got a degree in Accounting and now I wanna be a "so called" writer???? Go figure.

Sidetip: But you know what makes it so hard to tell your parents about the delay of graduation date!?!?!.....It be your female cousins and female friends. They ALWAYS mess it up cause they graduate in 4 years FLAT. Oh not to mention with a 3.5 GPA or above. And they come to your house or family get togethers and totally mess up your WEAK arguement to your parents about how hard school is. Oh yeah did I mention she has a full time job while she was at school!!!!!

* The day you found out........ You were adopted. Im not adopted (well at least thats what the lady who I call mom tells me) but I feel for people who have been. Not saying its wrong cause I commend people who take on the responsibility of another person's child. My only thing is that the child should know its true lineage. Tell the child that he or she has been adopted. Nothing's worse than not knowing whats really out there. And telling the child late in their years can hurt.

Solution: The child needs to know at least ONE real family member. They can meet all of their biological family through that person and keep in contact through that person. The child aint gotta be around his or her biological people all the time, but its good to know so that 10 years later you aint married to your real brother/sister. Your whole life you be staying clear of Women whose last name is McDaniels and you REALLY shoulda been staying clear of the Lattimore's.

*The day you found out......... your boyfriend/girlfriend aint wanna be your girlfriend/boyfriend no more. Thats a tough hand to play. Love is a weakness. The unfortunate thing is that when you love somebody, you cant hide it. Fellas we say "Man I aint love her anyway". Aight dog, whatever you say! Tell that to the florist who knows you on a first name basis. How bout the salesperson in perfume section of Nordstrom who remembers your credit card number by heart. Or tell that to the waiter at the Olive Garden that took your "takeout for 2" orders and knew that your girl likes the sugar in her tea stirred and not shaken. Love makes you do things that you cant reverse and thats tough.

Solution: No we dont condone slashing tires, changing the password on their voicemail or taking back jewelry and possibly a finger while you're at it. Respect their decision. As hard as it is to do so, you must respect it. Here's one tip. Dont date nobody less than what you had. Being lonely makes you do dumb stuff. Make sure you dont fall back in a relationship wit any ole body. Step it up. The worst thing you can do is see your ex and you hand in hand wit some slum looking person.

* The day you found out......... You were pregnant. Fellas, you'd be surprised to find out how many young women who have been secretly pregnant, had the abortion and the whole nine and you never knew! As youth, we make mistakes. Some say the mistake is having sex. Others say the mistake was getting pregnant. Then there are those who say the mistake was having the child. You might say aborting the child was the mistake. Well I'll say that the child aint a mistake.

Solution: Make the best of the situation. The lil homie might be the next president or something. You never know. Whatever you do, ask God what is best and keep it moving. Thats real talk for ya.

Life is yours man. You dont like what's going on, step up and change the situation. In 2004 we will discuss some real stuff. Stuff like "Things you have to do before you die", "Say what you mean" and "Pretty Girls". Any comments? Hit me at Hey man "Next week people, Lord Willin and 'Rome Feelin".

Friday, January 09, 2004

Just to clarify. Im still down wit Jerome's blogspot. ( Much love to my homie 'Rome. Check em out fo sho. Im still gonna be dropping dimes over there just like its always been. He has a lil problem with the spot right now and it's gonna be a few weeks before it can be fixed. So in the mean time between time the people have been asking for it I gotta keep it going.
Check out the new Sal's Corner coming on 1/12/03